The Scales of Judgement
by shianen
Summary: "Courtney wanted to be successful. Well, everyone wants to be successful. Courtney believes, at this moment, she wants to find peace within herself and from others." Eventual DxC.
1. Sleep

_ok,_ I am putting faith in myself that I can finish this because it's not an OC story, so we'll see how it goes. anyways, enjoy!

* * *

Some nights, she stared at the ceiling blankly, thoughtlessly. Maybe study the few cracks or count how long it takes for her eyes to shadow over every single spec of paint sitting above her. But other nights, her heart would bang against her chest and she would grip onto the cream sheets with sweaty hands, afraid the ceiling would fall onto her and bury her alive with dust. At night, the windows would have to be closed or else the wind found comfort in her curtains and it almost sounded like people whispering to her. There was enough whispering shared about her in the past five years that would suffice for the next twenty, and while she was trying to fall into unconsciousness was not the time for more.

It wasn't that she heard voices in her head. That would be silly; she wasn't crazy ( _at least, that's what she tells herself whenever she obtains the courage to look in the mirror._ ). Rather, it was her vices that led to the talk. The whispers. Though it has been months since she had come face-to-face with anyone, they were clear like her intentions while on the televised drama. And those were two things she didn't like to think about.

It became much easier once the paparazzi stopped sleeping outside of her house post-elimination. Unlike the first season where it took weeks before she could go outside without a disguise, it only took a few days. She was washed up like debris on dirty beaches and the tabloids had little time to fabricate headlines about how much they cared and sympathized with her. They always asked the same questions about the same people in the same situations. They didn't care for answers that disagreed with what the world saw.

A year or two ago an old contestant once pleaded to the interviewers, "You don't _get_ to see everything! You don't under _stand_ why we act the way we do towards other people besides the basic conversation and stupid mistakes we made. Not everything is what it seems." They later ended up exploited for some rumor she could barely remember at this time. It was a little sad to see someone she knew tumbling down the same hill, but the two didn't talk, so she decided against reaching out.

Before, she would stay up all night and read news, catch up on her old teammates' drama outside of the television series. It wasn't really new to her, but it was still interesting to look over. Sometimes the scandals were so big they would ask a few contestants to be interviewed on morning talk shows and get their three stagnant opinions in. After _World Tour_ , she stopped making appearances. A few months ago, she read that she was in the top five for the most sought-after contestants to be interviewed of all the contestants ever included in the _Total Drama_ series. Alongside her included: Heather Chang, Duncan Wilde, Zoey Bunt, and Sugar Williams.

Most of those names made her stomach turn uncomfortably and she would have to lay on her side and stare at her wall instead of the ceiling. The levels of discomfort varied, but the feeling was the same. The only person who she was indifferent to was Sugar. The characterization showcased on her television reminded her of three previous contestants, two known as the bfffl's, or something along those lines. The other was a snake from his slithering tongue to his feet, and she got the benefit of figuring that out throughout the two seasons she sat beside him.

At first, she wasn't sure why she was on the list. Sure, she was one of the more popular contestants, but so were Noah and Owen. Even Gwen, as much as the thought made her melancholy ( _for several reasons_ ). But, the longer the list stayed on the internet, the more theories appeared answering her questions. People wanted to know. About the love triangle, about Scott, about Alejandro, about anything and everything that could make her squirm in her seat and plead to be asked the next question. The last time she accepted an invite to a daily talk show, it was when the romantic frustration between Gwen and Duncan was at an all-time high. The questions were blunt, brutal, and anything but broad in her personal life as well as her time on _Total Drama Action_ 's aftermath show. Back then she was still young and naïve, believing everyone had the best intentions for her outside of the show. That sail shipped once she was eliminated from _World Tour_ , and she read what everyone was talking about. Her behavior, her antics, her messy love life between a punk and a goth - a world she didn't belong in. Though she naturally based on first impressions and appearance, the few friendships she made with unexpected allies she cherished greatly. Yet, she had a bad way of showing it at times, and that flaw blew up in her face on multiple occasions on national - no, _inter_ national tv.

* * *

Tonight, she pondered on all the old contestants she ever interacted with. It was June, so the only sound disrupting the silence of the night was her isolating fan. Her thoughts ran from Owen to Scott and back to Lindsay. For most of her time being in a crappy contract via Chris McLean, she didn't think about her actions and the consequences they would have on others. She also didn't think about how they would affect herself, which ended up being a leading cause to her own self-destruction on the show and back home. Now, she feels much more guilty about the trouble she caused. This could be because she no longer has any opportunity to win money through Chris. That being said, she likes to believe if she was ever given the opportunity to be invited to another competition reality show, she would happily decline and resort back to her hermit status in her apartment.

At times, she tries to avoid thinking about the people she hurt the most while competing, but they are so integrated in her past and present she can't help but let their names pass through her stream of consciousness. It makes her nervous, thinking about how long they will be itched into her mind. The guilt is there, and it will never go away. In a weird way, being a shutout from the world has opened her up a lot more to the way she feels. She usually ignores the sentimental things ( _with few exceptions_ ) and emotional ties to people and places, but ever since she came back to her apartment she has been learning a lot about herself. And also, in a twisted way, she misses the island. Not the abandoned film lot, and definitely not the plane. The original twenty-two kids just wanting to win a hundred thousand dollars and spending a summer together on a weird island with crappy living areas and even crappier food. They were all so innocent - well, mostly. She didn't hurt people then. She didn't throw challenges for revenge or break hearts with hatred. She was just -

Suddenly, there is a vibrating sound coming from next to her. Confused, she blindly reaches for her phone buzzing on her bedside table. Tugging it off of its charger, she makes a mental reminder to stop leaving it charging all night because it makes the battery die faster. Eyes squinting from the sudden light, she blinks to get used to the sudden light, then blinks again because of the name on the screen.

She sits up, tired, and checks the time on her phone reads 2:28am. Then, she slides her thumb across the screen and puts the phone to her ear. "Hello?" She asks. Almost immediately, she winces at the cracked sounds her voice creates. She hasn't talked in a couple days.

" _Courtney!_ " A familiar voice greets on the phone. " _I'm so glad you answered your phone, I feel like we haven't talked in forever!"_ The voice is light, bubbly, and calm. Everything Courtney wishes she could be.

"It's because we haven't talked in forever." There was no serious tone to match her words. Courtney naturally smiles at the blonde's voice. Then clears her throat. "How are you Bridge? Whatever it is must be important, given the time of the call."

" _I'm doing great, amazing even!_ " Bridgette happily sighed over the phone. Courtney could imagine her now, sprawled out on her ocean blue comforter, cell phone in hand because her headphones are stuck inside her ears. Courtney remembers all the times Bridgette had to buy new headphones because she always went though her pairs. _"But I was up and I couldn't go to sleep, and I remembered you told me you were having trouble sleeping too the last time we spoke, and so I thought,_ 'Hey, let's give Court a call!' _and so I called you and here we are!_ "

Courtney leaned onto her bed frame. "If there is anything I know about you Bridgette, it's that you sleep very easily. Like, as soon as your head hits the pillow you're asleep. So something must've happened for you to not only be awake right now, but to have called me."

Courtney tries to think back on her last conversation with Bridgette and realizes that was nearly two months ago. If she's still having trouble sleeping now, then it's obviously a problem. She doesn't really talk to anyone besides her few co-workers and her parents. Even back then, her and Bridgette's conversation was fluid like the waves her friend rides. There was something about the blonde that made Courtney smile and relax. Even now, as the friend was living an hour away, Courtney realized she missed someone she considered her best friend.

On the other side of the phone, there was some shuffling and a moment of silence. " _Well_ ," Bridgette sighs. " _There is a reason why you're my best friend_."

Courtney's heart nearly skipped a beat. If there was anything she wished the people at home could've seen during her time on _Total Drama_ , it was her friendship with Bridgette. Despite being a part of different seasons and both going through heartbreak, they were always there for each other. Even after Courtney got lost in the flames of competition during _World Tour_ , Bridgette was still there for her. And this may seen a little biased, but Courtney didn't attack Bridgette when she cheated on Geoff with Alejandro. Of course, she told her it was wrong and she has to get Geoff to forgive her, but Courtney never treated her the way she treated Gwen after that entire fiasco.

The first time Courtney brought anyone home to meet her parents from the show, it was Bridgette. Everyone assumes it was Duncan, because that was her boyfriend. Courtney was so nervous she nearly dropped the dessert after the main course was served. Bridgette was as cool as she usually was, talking to Courtney's mother about her future plans and the possibility of being a marine biologist or starting a business creating surfboard for those who couldn't afford their own. When her father interjected about the finances to perform these dreams, Bridgette was honest and admitted she wasn't exactly sure yet, but she would find a way if it was meant to be.

Later that evening, while Bridgette was taking a shower, Courtney's parents gave their approval of her friendship with the beach babe, genuinely liking her. And even now, years later, they ask how she's doing or what she's been up to. There's usually a tone of disappointment when Courtney reveals she hasn't talked to her friend in months.

Bridgette continues to talk. " _So, I really need to meet up with you. Like, when is the best time and day. Can we meet in the middle? There's something I need to tell you, and it's better if we do it in person._ "

The Latina straightened up in her bed, noting the more serious tone of her friend. "Bridgette Harrington, I'm gonna ask right now. Are you pregnant? And if you are -."

" _No, Court, omg!_ " Bridgette squealed over the phone. Then, she laughed nervously. " _I'm not pregnant. I promise. I feel like you would know if I was_ pregnant."

That is true. Courtney has been able to predict the times when Bridgette was sick or getting her period ( _but that could've been from spending time together_ ), so it's only appropriate she would have a feeling something happened to Bridgette. The two of them have been like this since _Action_ and through all the crap they went through their bond has unexpectedly gotten stronger. Behind all the cameras they talked, caught up on drama, and genuinely enjoyed each other's company.

"Okay, just checking." Courtney smiled. She really did miss Bridgette. "I'm off for the next two days, so any of the two days is fine by me."

" _Perfect! Tomorrow then, let's meet at Rolley's around 1!._ " Bridgette confirmed over the phone.

Rolley's was a small diner the duo would meet at occasionally to catch up as well as eat amazing, greasy food. Plus, they had great smoothies.

"Sounds good, Bridge." Courtney was actually really excited about tomorrow, now that she had an actual reason to get out of her apartment. On top of that, she was getting to see her best friend for the first time in months. She took her phone off her ear for a second to see what time it was. Her phone lit up a clear 2:40am.

Then, Bridgette uncharacteristically laughed in an uncomfortable manner. " _I'm glad that's settled._ " She agreed. Then, cleared her throat. " _So,_ " she started, " _how about that reunion? Are you thinking about going?_ "

Courtney blinked. "What reunion?"

" _Well,_ " Bridgette began. She spoke slower, nervous about Courtney's reaction. " _Y'know, the email we all got? They're having a huge reunion with all the contestants in a couple months - except the ones who were on the season with Don_."

"Oh." Courtney said plainly. "I haven't checked my email in a week." She moved around in her bed.

Then, she shot up off of it.

"Wait, what?" She whispered-screamed. "There's a reunion?"

Bridgette sighed nervously over the phone. " _...Yes?_ "

Courtney began to walk in her room. "Bridge, I can't go to that. I've burned too many bridges to go back into a room with people ready to stab me at any given moment." She paced, stricken with fear.

" _But Court -._ "

Courtney's voice was uneven. "Bridgette, I can't sleep because all I can think about is how I've spited everyone. Every single night, I stare at my ceiling and think about how things should've gone and the guilt is literally eating me alive." This was the first time she ever expressed her true feelings about her presence on the show to anyone.

Bridgette was silent over the phone for a few moments. " _Courtney._ " Her voice was stricter, heavy. " _Calm down. Don't freak yourself out._ "

The Latina gave a breathless laugh. "I've been doing that every night for months."

" _Secondly,_ " The Blonde continued, ignoring Courtney's comment, " _I'm sorry I brought it up. How about we talk about it tomorrow? I want you to try and get some sleep tonight._ "

Courtney had such an unspoken appreciation for Bridgette. She has never said it aloud, of course, but she really did love how Bridgette's voice was so soothing it always calmed her down. She was Courtney's rock, even when she wasn't here. So, like her friend told her to do, she calmed down. Courtney took a deep breath over the phone and walked back into her room, sitting on her bed. "Okay." She spoke into the phone. "Okay, I'm good."

" _I want you to get some sleep, Courtney. Okay? I'll see you tomorrow._ " Bridgette stayed on the line until Courtney told her goodnight, five minutes later. She hadn't really calmed down yet.

A few minutes later, Courtney went back to her original position: on her back, staring at her ceiling. Except, there were new fears crawling around in her mind. So, like some nights, she stared at her ceiling thoughtlessly.

* * *

hi everyone! I really have no clue where this is gonna go or how long this is gonna be, but leave a review and let me know what you think! it's a little bit shorter, but that's because of the lack of dialogue and people in this chapter. It'll get longer the more people are involved. Anyways, I hoped you enjoyed the intro/chapter one! see you next time!


	2. Dreams

hi everyone! thanks to you all for all the support and encouragement for me to continue this story, I really appreciated your kind words! i'm glad you are all excited to continue reading, it makes me all the more motivated to continue writing it. just a couple things i do want to mention before the new chapter begins:

* unlike a lot of stories I've read, i really do want to put an emphasis on Bridgette and Courtney's friendship. I feel like it's super important and it's one thing I wish the show focused on.

* it's gonna be a slooooowburn Duncney, and for obvious reasons. I don't want them getting back together to be the premise of the entire story. Same thing with Bridgette and Courtney's friendship. This is mainly going to be about Courtney's redemption.

* that being said, Courtney is gonna be a little more OOC than usual, as the first chapter introduces her totally different than what we're usually seeing her as.

And yeah, that's pretty much it, I think. Enjoy this new chapter, and leave a review if you want. Thanks!

* * *

Courtney didn't dream that often. Or, she did and couldn't remember them. When she was a child, right before she hit the double digits in age, she wanted to keep a dream journal and track of all the people, places, and things she could recollect in the mornings. The swirly lines, princesses being kissed. She even saw herself sometimes, little tan feet stumbling through rocky, tough terrain until she appeared in front of a forest, or a beach, or her home. It was ever only her though.

When her parents found out about the journal, they threw it out and said, "Courtney, you don't need a dream journal, we already know what your dreams are: to be a lawyer. Now forget this silly thing."

Throughout her life, Courtney had a recurring dream, and she figured it was because of the constant stress she carried on her shoulders. The dream was her, however old she was at the time, standing at the top of a flight of stairs. She would always stand there, until suddenly she fell. The stairs never ended, so Courtney continued the dream continuously falling down the stairs until she woke up.

Throughout the _Total Drama_ series, Courtney had this dream multiple times. By the fifth one in two years, which was unusual, she noticed it always appeared when she knew her time was coming close to an end on the show or before an extremely difficult challenge. After the second aftermath show, she had the dream. It made her nervous and she woke up gasping for air she already had. Luckily, her roommate at the time was no where to be found, so it saved her the few minutes of explaining herself. A lot of times after she had that specific dream she woke up in a cold sweat, breathing heavily and eyes wide. Those were the nights where Courtney never went back to sleep, where she wandered the island, or the lot, or the plane, or the island _(again)_. They also ended up being the days where she was more irritable, more hot-headed, and the camera ate it up like a dirty, starving, homeless animal. It was true she didn't apologize all the time, but the times she did went unnoticed by the world. The people she surrounded herself with stopped believing her apologies as the days passed, and so Courtney stopped apologizing. She fell into her stereotype, and dug herself six-foot holes at every lash her words stung on people.

This morning, Courtney woke up on her stomach, arms outstretched like she was flying. Well, one arm was dangling off of her bed. Her curtains were burgundy, and did the exact job Courtney needed them to do: hide the sun. The Latina groaned and closed her eyes again, before opening them and sliding her legs towards her and off the bed, so when she sat up her feet were almost touching the floor. Because her twin-sized bed was in the corner, she could see everything in her bedroom from where she sat.

She used to call herself a perfectionist. But when she looks around her small room, she feels nothing but shame. Her mother would be disappointed. The hamper is filled with her uniform and lots of underwear, because she at least has the decency to change that - most of the time. Her closet has more empty hangers than clothes hanging, because a lot of them are on the floor creating a path from there to her bedside. There is a shattered mirror in the corner across from her bed, closest to the door. Courtney's floors are carpet and she hates carpet, but the apartment was cheap and available. The walls are plain and white and that's only because she's not allowed to paint them according to her contract.

Contract.

The word itself makes Courtney want to run into her bathroom and puke. She threw that word around like she owned it, and her lawyers. Courtney hated contracts, everything they entailed, and anything that left her with less than what she already has. Sure, they had helped her in a couple ways, but if it wasn't for it she wouldn't even be in this mess to begin with. Though, there are a few people she would have missed the opportunity of ever meeting, Courtney isn't even sure they were worth the crap she went through to win an obscure amount of money. The girl mentally curses at herself for how spoiled rotten she was on the show.

Before she can continue her train of thought, her phone buzzes. She keeps forgetting to turn the ringer on. Grabbing her phone, she looks at the new text, not surprised to see it's from Bridgette.

" _hey Court! leaving here in a few, see you soon!_ " It read. In her head, Courtney could hear Bridgette saying it, as light-hearted as ever.

Courtney, however, looks at the text confused, before she glanced at the time it read on her phone. Her eyes rolled ot the back of her head and she groaned for the second time in the few minutes she had been awake. The phone read "12:19pm". She was supposed to meet Bridgette at 1.

The Latina lazily escaped the subpar comfortableness of her bed and out of her bedroom door, taking a quick right into the tiny closet-spaced bathroom. She shut the door and sat on the toilet. After she peed, she stood up and flushed the toilet. Standing quietly and slightly impatiently as the toilet continued to flush slowly, Courtney avoided looking at herself in the medicine cabinet mirror. Moments later, the toilet finally stopped. "Thank god." Courtney sighed out, slightly annoyed, before opening the medicine cabinet and taking out her toothbrush and toothpaste. The cabinet was empty for the most part, besides the Advil and Moltrin bottles. There were sleeping pills there too, but they had a thin layer of dust on them. The cabinet was shut soon enough and Courtney turned the water on, wetting the toothbrush and putting the paste on it afterwards. She brushed her teeth hard, to the point where there was some bleeding inside her mouth from one of the back corners. When Courtney spit out the dirt and toothpaste and blood, some parts of her sink had a light red residue from the toothpaste and blood mixed together, and Courtney stopped for a moment and stared at the spots. Then, she washed it all away.

* * *

A few months ago Courtney threw out her trademark outfits. The white button up shirt, the gray sweater vest, the olive capris, and her wedges. Though, she loved those shoes a lot, they needed to go. She knew as soon as she got home she didn't want any variation of her outfit to exist in her closet. Though her closest was already basic and bland to begin with, without her trademark it looked downright depressing. Most of her clothes were gray or olive green, with the occasional pair of jeans and sandals. Courtney believed in looking her best at all times, but that was years ago when she still cared enough. Plus, she barely went outside unless there was an important purpose to it. Buying groceries, going to work, and visiting her parents were the main reasons she left her apartment.

Even though she was inching closer to her mid-twenties, the Latino still mooched off her parents. They had paid for a lot of things for Courtney, but the most important thing to Courtney was the fact they let her still use their Netflix account. Besides electricity and water, it was the only thing Courtney used consistently. But now, as she looked in her barren closet, she realized she had to buy new clothes soon. Or at least a new pair of jeans; her favorite pair was starting to get a hole where her thighs connected.

So, she chose a different pair of leg-hugging jeans and a plain gray t-shirt. In her head, Courtney hoped it wasn't too hot outside. Sometimes she forgets what season Canada is in, or what month it is. It is July 10th, 2017, she read off her phone. Unlocking her phone, she went to the Uber app and requested one to take her to Rolley's. When she realized her driver was four minutes away, she ran towards her bedside drawer and opened it, pulling out a brown headband that early matched the color of her own hair. Quickly, she combed out the small knots in her hair with her fingers. Courtney's hair grew slightly longer since the show ended, only by a couple inches. Shoes in one of the corners of her room, Courtney flew into her slip-on sneakers, grabbed her phone, wallet, and keys, and sped walked out of her apartment door.

* * *

Courtney stared through the window of the silver Toyota that picked her up from outside her apartment. It was a beautiful day outside; There were a few spotty clouds but the skies were as blue as ever and the sun warmed the young adult up with open arms.

"Are you okay, ma'am?" The driver asked. He was an older man, the wrinkles in his skin described his age better than he ever could. "I have water and peppermints in the trunk if you need me to grab them."

The Latina shook her head side-to-side. He had already asked if she wanted to have control of the radio, and she denied that as well. Then, she continued to look outside.

Courtney kept staring at the sky. _Has it always been this blue?_ she asked in her mind. She must have not looked outside her window in awhile, or if she did it was always at nighttime. Maybe she was unlucky enough and caught the days where it rained steadily and it was a "stay-at-home-and-watch-Netflix" type of day. There was even the possibility she didn't look up when she was going to work. When it rained, her umbrella took the attention off of the sky. And when it was nice out, she kept her eyes low, still afraid that one day someone would call her out as that smartass teenager on _that_ reality television series. And when she thought about that, she noted there were only a few things in the world she had seen as blue as the sky, and one of them had led to be extremely dangerous.

Finally, the driver slowed into the parking lot of _Rolley's Restaurant_. Courtney thanked the man and walked into the restaurant, giving him a five-star rating as she did so. A couple years ago, The Latina knows she would have ruined the man's day with an awful review, picking at the little things she didn't enjoy or if he asked too many questions. But now, she doesn't have the energy to do so.

Courtney tucked her phone in her front pocket and looked around the restaurant. At first, she didn't see her best friend, but after a second look she saw the long blonde hair facing away from her and she knew exactly who it was.

"May I help you miss? Table for one?" The waitress asked. She was pretty enough, in a plain way, and Courtney couldn't help but make an attempt to recuperate the smile she was given.

"No no, I'm ok. I see my friend sitting down. Thanks." Courtney looked up and pointed her thumb in the direction of Bridgette, and the girl looked towards Bridgette, to Courtney, and back to Bridgette, before setting her eyes on Courtney again.

The waitress gasped lightly and covered her mouth. "You're..." She coughed a little bit and fixed her hair. "Are you, by any chance, Courtney Otero? And is that Bridgette Harrington?"

It was the moments like these that made Courtney wonder why she came outside. It wasn't that she was annoyed with the teenaged waitress, but more-so with the whole situation. Fame, as rusted as it was, was still fame. People will still look at you differently and treat you differently too. Their assumptions, usually incorrect ones, stuck like the stench of garbage so everyone knew exactly who you were.

"Yeah." Courtney awkwardly breathed out, uncomfortable with being recognized. She had gone so long without anyone noticing her she almost forgot what it was like to be noticed. "I'm going to go sit down now. I guess if you want an autograph or picture or something with Bridgette you can ask her later on after we finish eating." She finished, mumbling. Quickly, she walked past the waitress and towards Bridgette, a warm feeling in her stomach growing with every step she took. Though it was a short walk, by the time Courtney had gotten to Bridgette she had completely forgotten about the encounter with the waitress.

"Bridge." Courtney greeted, smiling.

Almost as if struck by lightning, Bridgette's head snapped behind her and smiled wide at the sight of Courtney. The blonde stood up excitedly and met Courtney, not saying a single word but hugging her tightly. In response to the embrace, Courtney lowered her head into the crook of her friend's neck and wrapped her arms around her best friend. Without her usual wedges, Courtney was a little shorter than Bridgette. Some of the other customers in the restaurant watched the display of affection between the friends. The waitress from before looked like her eyes were about to water, after she had taken a picture of the two. Others in _Rolley's_ "aww-ed" at the scene, and some gave a light smile. Finally, when the two girls let go, they sat down opposite of each other.

"Hi Courtney." Bridgette finally greeted Courtney back. Her blonde hair was still in a ponytail, just a little higher up, and her eyes were still the prettiest hazel. The tan she had received from traveling the West Coast in the United States looked good on her. "How are you feeling?"

What a question. No one has really asked Courtney that in awhile. The Latina felt a lot of things, mostly negative, and she knew that Bridgette knew that. So, instead of complaining about her bland life, she responded, "Better, now that I'm getting to see you."

"Pfft." Bridgette waved a hand at her. "Puh-lease. You can't lie to me."

"But I'm not lying." Courtney leaned into the cushioned booth. "I've missed you. Seriously. My life gets kinda boring when the only people I talk to are my parents and my co-workers."

"Aw Court, you need to get out more and make some more friends." Bridgette commented. Then, she smiled wide. "I've missed you too, though."

The ex-contestant sighed, as a new waitress walked over to their table. "Good afternoon ladies! My name is Lorianne and I'll be your server today! Can I start y'all off with some drinks?"

Courtney ordered a strawberry-banana smoothie, and Bridgette ordered a sweet tea. When Lorianne left, Courtney continued to talk.

"Bridgette, I only go outside when I have to. I don't like being judged, I never did."

Bridgette sighed. "Court, you gotta realize you're being judged the way you are because that's how you judged people. What goes around comes around. Plus, you could always join a book club or something cool like that, it's an easy way to make friends. You can't mope all day on the stuff you can't change."

In retaliation, Courtney glared at Bridgette, who sweetly smiled back. Courtney knew her friend was right - as usual. Bridgette knew it too. "I don't mope _all_ day." Courtney grumbled out. "I watch Netflix sometimes also. And I do have a job." She ignored the more important parts of the conversation, the parts that she knew they couldn't discuss in public. Bridgette was a lot of things: clumsy, silly, and even had her dull moments at times, but Courtney knew Bridgette was more self-aware than she was given credit for.

The conversation they need to be having must happen behind closed doors. At times, Courtney became envious at how easy-going Bridgette was. Even her words had a flow to them, a relaxed melody where even the most important things were said casually. And unlike her, Courtney's words were rock solid. They were both blunt in their own way. Years ago, when they first met, Bridgette was passive with her meanings and was too afraid to speak up. But now, she really did grow into herself, and especially to Courtney, can be straight-forward with her words.

Lorianne brought out the drinks for the girls, and brought out a notepad, asking if they were ready to order. Both girls ordered spaghetti with tomato sauce, but Courtney asked for meatballs with hers. Another thing Courtney liked about Bridgette was her lack of judgmental behavior. Even though she was a vegetarian, Bridgette never scolded or preached to Courtney about why being a vegetarian was the better, healthier option. Plus, it wouldn't have made a difference to Courtney anyway; she already was a healthier eater than most people. Usually, her kitchen would be full of fruits, vegetables, whole wheat, and everything in-between. As a child, her parents forced her to learn how to like other foods when they found out she was lactose-intolerant. Recently, though, Courtney has been buying the bare minimum of food so at least she can eat three times a day.

"What do you watch on Netflix? Hopefully not all documentaries." Bridgette asked, holding her head with both of her hands, elbows on the table.

Courtney pouted, taking a sip from her smoothie. "I do not only watch documentaries." She retorted. "I just finished watching _Gossip Girl_ , and this week I've started _90210_."

Bridgette gave her friend a confused look. "As juicy as those teen dramas are, they don't really count. I'm surprised you haven't mentioned any political shows you've watched."

To be truthfully honest, Courtney purposefully avoided the shows revolving about the government and lawyers. Those shows brought her back to not only her promises to sue _Total Drama_ , but also the times when she was a child and lawyer was one of the first words she knew. When she came back home for the final time, she didn't immediately jump into law school programs, nor did she apply to any. Because of the time she arrived back to her home in Canada, most colleges had already begun their semesters, so Courtney would have had to wait until the next year anyways.

Nonchalantly, Courtney shrugged her shoulders. Bridgette gave her a concerned look, but did not speak further on the topic. Again, they were parachuting into a conversation they knew needed to be addressed in private.

"Doesn't matter," Courtney began, suddenly gaining more energy after the quick awkward moment, "this lunch is happening because _you_ have something to tell _me_." She pointed a finger at Bridgette.

The blonde gave her friend a final look, and Courtney knew that look meant in Bridgette's language, " _this conversation is no where near done_ ". Then, she brightened up immediately. "Well," Bridgette started, "I wanted you to be the first one to know first."

Courtney looked at Bridgette oddly.

Lorianne arrived moments later, two plates of spaghetti. One was in her palm, the other placed delicately in-between her arm. As soon as the waitress placed both plates down on the table, Courtney gasped loudly.

The Latina reached across the table and grabbed Bridgette's left hand, frightening the waitress. She stared at Courtney, who stared at Bridgette's hand. Then, she looked at Bridgette, who looked back at Courtney, her eyes watering.

"Bridgette, are you-?" Courtney wasn't able to finish the sentence.

"Yes!" Bridgette exclaimed, excitedly. On her hand, her ring finger, a beautiful gem was perfectly placed.

"Oh my god! Congratulations!" Courtney and Bridgette looked at the waitress, who was still standing there. "I'm going to bring you dessert, on the house!" Lorianne walked away, a single tear in her eye.

Courtney let go of Bridgette's hand, smiling wide. "Wow, Bridgette. I can't believe it. Geoff really popped the question? I didn't think he had the courage."

There was no malice in her friend's voice, and Bridgette laughed, before sniffling and wiping her nose. "Yeah, he did it two days ago. On the beach, totally casual about it, typical Geoff. It was so him though, I loved the proposal. There was no way I could've said no."

Courtney swirled her spaghetti on a fork and ate it, slurping the rest of it into her mouth. After she swallowed, she commented, "It could've been the most romantic dinner in the whole world and you still would've said yes." She picked up a meatball with her fork. "Why are you crying though, you wouldn't cry over something like this?"

"Because," Bridgette began, eyes watering again, "because I want you to be my maid of honor."

The only sound after that was the clang of the fork on the plate. Bridgette looked up, and Courtney looked down. Her hand was frozen in place. Then, Courtney looked at Bridgette with wide eyes and an open mouth. "Bridgette, what?"

The blonde sniffled again and nodded her head up-and-down over. "Courtney, you're my best friend in the whole world. There is no one else in the whole world I would want to be the maid of honor. So please say yes. Here, in Rolley's, with our spaghetti and your meatballs."

"Oh my God." Courtney finally moved, blinking and moving out of her seat, standing and bringing Bridgette up with her. "What makes you think I'm going to say no?"

"Courtney, we haven't talked in months. No one has heard from you. You've been so lowkey the tabloids thought you might have ran away or died." Bridgette voiced her concerns, explaining to Courtney the things she didn't want to hear.

The brunette hugged her friend tightly, originally not saying anything. Then, she whispered so only Bridgette could hear, "Bridgette, you're still my best friend, you know that. And yeah, I've been hiding away from the world for a little bit, but that will never stop me from answering your calls." Courtney pulled away. With full confidence, she announced, "Bridgette, I would be honored to be the maid of honor at your wedding."

Some of the other customers surrounding the duo clapped in congrats towards Bridgette, and all Bridgette could do was look at Courtney.

And Courtney saw nothing but love in her eyes. And tears, a few of those too.

* * *

The ride back to Courtney's apartment was slow. Bridgette had announced she was going to spend the night because the two had to talk.

 _"Courtney, we need to talk wedding plans. Also, you need to stop being a hermit and come back to life. My clothes better still be in your closet."_ The blonde looked at Courtney with hard eyes when she spoke those words while they were eating the apple pie Lorianne brought to them. And all Courtney could do was nod in agreement. She was nervous.

Bridgette drove a 2011 Honda Civic, named Ariella. It was her baby, and Courtney was given the right to own Ariella if something ever happened to Bridgette. When they got to Courtney's apartment complex, Courtney stepped out exhausted. It was close to 4pm, and she needed a nap. Usually, she would either be at work or napping on her couch, Netflix watching her instead of vice versa. She hasn't talked to anyone for more than five minutes in a long time, and forgot how much energy was required to carry a conversation.

Plus, her phone has been buzzing for the past ten minutes. Bridgette posted a picture of the two of them on her Instagram, and tagged Courtney in it. Since then, hundreds of people have been requesting to follow her private account. She complained about this to Bridgette, who took her phone and made her account public, which then allowed Courtney to go from 237k followers to have over 244k followers. The Latina's last picture was posted over eight months ago, and it was herself and Bridgette standing on some street in Toronto, both smiling wide. This was right before she went away to film for _All Stars_. Courtney looked at the picture sadly, before putting her phone away.

"Hey Courtney, look at this." The two were standing outside of Courtney's apartment door. Bridgette showed her best friend her phone, with an article from an online news outlet Courtney recognized. The title, _Britney Reunion: The Two Spotted Amidst Questions Surrounding Courtney's Return to The Total Drama Reunion._ There was a picture of the two when they first embraced, and a few more fuzzier pictures of them eating and talking. Luckily, there weren't any pictures or words describing Bridgette's recent engagement.

"I blame it on the first waitress." Country groaned into her hands. This was not the time to see anything regarding the reunion, or Courtney's recent re-appearance on social media. She opened the door and walked in her apartment, making headway towards her comfortable tan sofa, a present from her parents when she first announced she was moving out. When she reached it, she plopped into it and breathed in its cinnamon aroma.

The sofa was one of the most important things in Courtney's apartment. It was her go-to spot every time she got off of work, whenever she needed a new scene and was tired of looking at the walls in her bedroom. Even at night, she would come to the sofa if her sleepless nights were worse than usual. It didn't actually help her fall asleep, but being curled up on it with her blanket somehow made the outside world much more bearable. At the same time, though, she felt lonely on the sofa. There was so much space, and Courtney had so little friends she never invited anyone over. The only exception was Bridgette, and that was only a couple of times a year. The young adult didn't really go out of her way to make friends; she was too afraid they would remember her for what she used to be and not who she was now. It was heartbreaking, in a sense.

Footsteps came towards Courtney and she barely had the energy to look up at Bridgette's disappointed face. "Court, your room smells like Geoff's room. Which means it smells like dirty laundry and sweat." She sat down beside Courtney and she leaned onto the blonde. "And your dishes haven't been washed in like a week." Bridgette smiled and put her head on top of Courtney's. "We're both gonna take a nap now, because all that food and excitement made me super sleepy. But as soon as we wake up, we need to do some spring cleaning. And catch up on _every_ thing, okay?"

Courtney nodded her head absently, before closing her eyes and praying she would fall asleep easily. Bridgette moved onto the other side of the couch and curled up, sleeping before her head hit the pillow, as per usual.

The other girl had her eyes closed for an hour and the half before she finally drifted into a dreamless, silent unconsciousness.

* * *

hello! thanks for reading! i was a couple hundred shy of hitting the 5k mark for this chapter, but it's all okay. anyways, i hope y'all enjoyed and yeah, i'll see you all for the next update!


	3. Truth

hi everyone! thanks for tuning in to the next chapter of _Scales of Judgement_! again, I appreciate all the reviews and interest in continuing the story!

so a quick heads up, I write these chapters in multiple takes within a couple days and kinda upload it as soon as i'm done, so please don't be afraid to point out any issues, whether it be punctuation or grammatically.

and to answer the guest, duncney is endgame ( _or is it!_ ) it just isn't going to happen for at the least the next five-eight chapters. slowburn :)

i'm a little sad summer is coming close to an end, but excited for school to start. but when ( _and I will)_ continue this story in the future, expect the chapters to be a little bit more sporadic.

anyways, here is the next chapter! as usual, please leave a review/comment of how you felt about the chapter or the story as a whole if you're up for it. thanks a lot! enjoy!

* * *

In high school, Courtney realized she could not write creatively. It was almost absurd; she could do nearly everything she set her mind to: play violin, debate, sing, dance, and she was not academically challenged in any way. Yet, in her creative writing class junior year, she struggled tragically to write fiction, nonfiction, and especially poetry. She was constantly encouraged by her teacher to keep trying, to keep practicing and soon she would become good at it.

She remembers a day, it was October - close to her birthday. Her teacher stood in the front of the classroom, confident in himself. Courtney could tell by the way he was standing he knew exactly where he stood and his arrogance in his eyes as well as his writing.

"I finished reading all of your poetry, and I must say I am disappointed." He began, crossing his arms and leaning on his left leg. There was a collection of papers in his right hand. "Most of you are not trying enough. Many are not practicing enough at home. As a published author, it is imperative you practice your writing everyday."

Courtney listened intently to everything that he was saying, though her eyes were focused on the papers in his hand. She had worked particularly hard on this series of poetry, and expected at least a B+.

As the teacher walked around the classroom distributing graded papers, Courtney was calm, legs crossed and waiting impatiently for her paper. On the board, in messy handwriting, he had written, " _NARRATIVE POETRY"_ and it was underlined many times.

"I expected a lot better." A deep voice suddenly erupted into Courtney's head. She turned around to the disappointed look her teacher was giving her. He placed the paper face-down onto her desk. Then, he gave the next paper to the person sitting next to her and continued walking around the classroom returning the papers.

Confused, Courtney flipped the paper around, faced with a red and solid **C** staring back at her. Comments tornado-ed around the margins of her paper, in small, scribbly handwriting she could barely read. Shocked, she continued to stare at it, stomach twisted uncomfortably. She bit her bottom lip and turned the paper back onto the desk, eyes prickled with tears.

Her first C in her entire life left her insides rotten and her core brittle. She thought about what her parents would think, and then she thought about her future and if she would get into her dream school. The thoughts continued to swirl in her head for interminable moments until someone poked her arm. Swiftly, she turned around to her right.

"What?" She sneered, annoyed.

Sitting beside her was Savannah McCaffery, a student in the same grade as her. Courtney never talked to the girl, nor did she hate her. The two shared many classes together throughout the past three years; Courtney wouldn't be surprised if the teenager was one of the brightest students in the whole school. Yet, she hid it with her natural laziness and dissatisfaction with the people at their high school. According to some of Courtney's sources, Savannah was somewhere in the top 10 in their class and could become a potential threat for valedictorian if she put her mind to it.

Savannah seemed unfazed by the angered-Latina. "Ignore Jeffrey's comments and the grade on your poem. You seem pretty worked up."

Courtney glared some more and crossed her arms. "What makes you think _I'm_ worked up? Why don't you mind your business for once."

"Well, what did you get?" The African-Canadian girl asked. Her long black braids moved with every movement her head made.

"I don't have to tell you." Courtney turned her head away from the other girl, seeming more enraged.

After she had that, she knew that was a red flag in Savannah's eyes. There were times where the two often shared answers and compared open-ended questions, though they typically got similar scores. It was just a regular teenager thing to do when you were in high-school. Plus, Courtney didn't consider that cheating because it always happened after things were graded.

A moment of silence sat between the two girls.

"Fine, I'll show you what I got though."

When Courtney turned her head slightly, and it was solely based on curiosity, she nearly snatched the paper decorated with few comments and a bright **A** on it. "How did you get an A?" Courtney asked almost immediately. The comments on the paper barely touched the surface of criticism; they were more-so comments of endearment and encouragement.

The Latina looked at her classmate and in return she shrugged her shoulders. "I've always been a writer. I just tell my truth and I just so happen to have a nice way of saying it." Savannah looked at Courtney. "I'm an emotional writer, cause I'm an emotional person. It's easy for me."

As she talked, Courtney remembered that the girl was not native and was originally born in the United States, but moved here when she was twelve-ish. Her voice echoed that of a person who lived in an urban city on the East Coast, like New York or Philadelphia. Courtney wasn't a linguist, but she could recognize a dialect non-native to Canada when she heard it. When Savannah called herself an emotional writer, Courtney noticed that was the first time she had ever heard the girl say anything about herself or her own perception.

"The big thing is truth," The African-Canadian continued, "if you don't know your truth, how are you gonna write about yourself?"

Courtney was confused. So, she stayed quiet and read the poems that had earned Savannah an A. The majority of them Courtney skimmed through, but there was one in particular that caught her eye. The poem had given the Latina goosebumps after she read it for the first time. Quietly, she returned the papers back to Savannah and didn't say a word for the rest of the class.

* * *

Later in the years, after most of her time on the _Total Drama_ series, Courtney had been going through some of her old notebooks when she found a ripped page with writing on it. She had only looked at it for a split second until she remembered where she had originally gotten the short piece of literature from.

The paper read,

" _it was almost too late by the time i realized i was living in a cloud of thick, poisonous gas. When I had fell, a six-foot grave was already dug_ _...some call it making a deal with the devil, cursing god and gods and wishing harm. others imagine it as bad luck or bad karma. I wasn't sure where i fell on the scale of judgement, until i heard the sounds of shoveling. it was getting closer, and i started to become excited, until i realized the sound wasn't shovels, and it was coming from underneath me..."_

Courtney folded the paper in half and stuffed it back into the notebook, before continuing to shuffle through the papers, looking a little but more unsettled.

* * *

When Courtney woke up, the jaded dream of a past high school experience had quickly found itself in the enormous pile of forgotten memories. She blinked, searching for familiarity in her surrounding. After a few moments, she realized she was in her living room comfortably on her sofa. She was laying on her side, since everything was sideways. It was a still a little sticky in the small apartment, simply due to the outside weather. The brunette realized she never turned the air conditioner in the window on. It was propped in the open window, supported by the structures on either side of it.

She could see the air conditioner, but barely. To Courtney, that meant it was close to evening, which meant it was close to nine pm. The room was much darker than when she first closed her eyes a few hours ago. Shadows of the little furniture she had leered towards her, on the carpet.

Sitting up, Courtney heard a slight movement to the left of her. Her head snapped in its direction, until she connected the long blonde mop of her to her best friend. To be honest, Courtney completely forgot Bridgette was here. She was so used to barely having any visitors it was an unfamiliar feeling to actually have someone over. Plus, after longer naps she felt even more disoriented from the world than usual. After a few longer moments Courtney stood up softly and walked past the plain white island counter that separated her living room from her kitchen. She opened her white refrigerator and pulled out a water bottle. After drinking about half of it in one sitting, she sat it on the counter.

One thing she constantly thought about was buying a coffee table. That was one of the few things she wished she would invest in, but didn't want to. Back when she lived with her parents, Courtney always sat in the living room and sat a cup of steaming coffee on it, drinking multiple cups a day. So one of her first beliefs when moving out of her parent's home was to lean herself off of coffee; this led to her avoiding the coffee table isle at the local furniture store. There was not a coffee maker in her apartment either. Coffee made Courtney on-edge, especially after the first few days of not drinking it. Since then, because it was months ago, she can properly function without it. Or, at least that what she believes she is doing, barely leaving the house and having to remind herself to eat sometimes.

Years ago, Duncan told her the addiction was unhealthy and that was the reason why she's so short and needed to wear her wedges. He had found out pretty early on in their relationship after the end of _Total Drama Island_. The teenager had been visiting his then-girlfriend for the weekend, and the two escaped into a crowded mall wearing silly disguises. It was Courtney who had insisted on visiting the _Starbucks_ in the mall, nearly-dragging Duncan with her.

 _"This is your third serving of coffee today, Princess."_ He had noted, watching her down it almost immediately. He had assumed the coffee burned her throat. Later, that evening when the two were in his car, half-naked, Courtney had whispered in his ear how she liked the burn. The couple both knew exactly what it was she was referring too, which was not coffee.

 _"So?"_ She finally answered, after taking a long drink from it. Licking her lips, she looked at him confused.

 _"So, you're a complete coffee addict and it's unhealthy. It's probably why you're so short."_ He snorted, crossing his arms and leaning into the chair in the food court.

She had slapped him in the back of the head for that comment after they finally left the food court, but there was nothing malicious about it, and the brunette had blushed when Duncan winked at her after that. _**_

The memory made Courtney's head hurt. It was one of the many moments she could never forget, one the few good things before everything went bad.

 _Duncan Wilde_.

The boy had nights dedicated to him. Those were the bad nights, the ones Courtney barely got any sleep. She could never stop thinking about their relationship. The goods, the bads. The timing, the situation, all the factors that went into their fiery, publicized romance.

"Hellooo? Courtney?" A voice disrupted her thoughts.

She looked up, and her friend was standing on the other side of the island, staring at her. There was the ghost of a smile on her lips, but she mainly looked concerned.

Courtney smiled, almost genuinely. "Good evening Sleeping Beauty. Sadly, your prince isn't here to whisk you away, so you will be stuck with me for the night."

Bridgette laughed. "That's fine with me, I like to spend time with other princesses anyways." She let it slip out.

The blonde realized what she did before Courtney had the time to freeze, smiles wiped off both of their faces.

Blinking the gazed look away, Courtney looked at Bridgette, expressionless.

No one had called her that in a long time. Specifically, since _Action_. But that was only because they were filming the fairy tale episode of the show, and Courtney competitively fought her way to be the star of the episode. But even then, she should had known something between her and Duncan was different. He called her by her full name on a regular basis. Sure, he still called her _Babe_ sometimes back them, but it wasn't as enchanting as her true nickname. But Duncan never called her by her real name unless he was extremely pissed. But, Courtney guessed, he was mad at her a lot back then.

"Courtney, I am so sorry. It slipped." Bridgette apologized.

When Courtney looked at Bridgette, she noticed how it seemed like Bridgette felt and absorbed some of the pain Courtney currently felt and reflected it onto her face. It was genuine pain and any specs of concern were Bridgette's alone. The brunette was never really concerned about herself, especially after the last season of _Total Drama_ she was on. It was more-so frustration - a consistent bitter displaced in her throat everyday she thought about her mistakes on the show.

Courtney wasn't angry at her best friend; she had no real reason to be. If anything, considering how long it's been since anyone called her that nickname, she really shouldn't have any emotions about it at all. "It's fine Bridgette, it wasn't your fault." They both knew _"it's my fault"_ was originally meant to finish the end of that sentence, but Courtney stopped herself last minute. If she had continued, it would have created an entirely new situation.

"No, I need to think before I speak next time." The blonde put her elbows onto the island counter and placed her head into her hands. Remnants of drowsiness could be seen in her eyes, and her lips were chapped, but Courtney couldn't help but have an elongated stare at the ring on her finger.

Would anyone ever want to marry her? A year ago, she would have answered an annoyed, but confident "Yes." without a second thought. Now, her answer was delayed, and constantly surrounded by mist so she really never knew. She hoped so, though.

"Bridge, seriously, you're fine. Don't worry about it." Courtney walked past Bridgette and turned the light switches upwards. They were placed on the wall that helped differentiate the living room from the kitchen. "Are you hungry? We can order pizza." She changed the subject quickly.

The lights in her kitchen buzzed to life, illuminating her friend and the kitchen. The brunette's best friend watched Courtney walk back into the kitchen after walking into the living room to retrieve her cell phone. "A little bit. We can order the pizza and then clean your room while we wait for it." Bridgette answered, smiling at Courtney.

Again, this was a topic Courtney mentally wrote in her imaginary laundry list of things to talk about with Bridgette. The list was beginning to get a little too long, to the point where she didn't know if " _The P Word_ " was #6 or #7. It might actually be a sub-section until " _Duncan_ ", which was high up in a priority list based on the one with just the topics. "Okay, sounds good." Courtney agreed, scrolling on the local pizza place's website to order online instead of calling in an order. "Is half-vegetarian and half-pepperoni good?" She asked, looking up at her friend.

Bridgette nodded her head yes. "You should get like a medium, though. I doubt we can finish a large pizza between the two of us."

Neither girl was a large eater, and since they were both still slightly full from the lunch earlier, they decided on a medium pizza. After Courtney finished ordering it on her phone, she closed her web-browser app and opened _Instagram_ , where Bridgette's post must have been still receiving likes, because Courtney was still gaining new followers every few minutes or so. She had considered posting a similar picture, of the two of them.

Looking up her name in the web-browser search bar, Courtney discovered it wasn't just one online newspaper that posted an article about her sudden reappearance into the real world. Now, there were multiple outlets briefing discussing it in their articles, having more questions than answers. In her head, Courtney knew she shouldn't be reading any of these - for quite a few reasons. The main one, was the way they talked about the Latina.

Many greet the Latina in their stories in a negative manner, placing her as the troublemaker's crazy straight-a ex-girlfriend. It wasn't that Courtney didn't deserve it - she understood that some of the name-calling was well-deserved. But, it still hurt, as much as she hated to admit it to herself. Karma.

Yet, this time it was a little bit different. There were the few articles, of course, that referenced her quick flame with Scott and messy relationship with Duncan, but most of the headlines simply called her an ex-contestant on the world-wide acclaimed reality television series. Some articles revealed they were happy to see Courtney was still alive and seemed to be doing okay ( _which really wasn't that close to the truth_ ), but others were upset to see the former Drama Queen of _Total Drama_ back in the spotlight and not for a negative reason. They would rather have something juicier to write about. Somehow, the online tabloids received information that released the list of former contestants that were planning on returning to the island for the reunion episode, and made note that Courtney was currently not one of the contestants returning.

The thought of the reunion made Courtney's hand's sweaty. She didn't want to return to a place filled with nothing but eliminations, betrayal, and crappy food. No one, with the exception of Bridgette a couple others, would have been happy to see Courtney walk off the boat. Despite already telling Bridgette she had no intention of attending the show, it wouldn't be surprising if Bridgette somehow magically convinced Courtney to go. She sorta had a power of convincing that could no one could top, except maybe her grandmother. Courtney blamed her friend's hazel eyes. They looked alive and beautiful always, and at one point she was jealous of her friend's eyes.

Speaking of, Bridgette held detergent and _Febreeze_ in her hands, smiling mischievously at her brunette best friend. "C'mon, let's get some progress done in your room while we're waiting for the pizza."

There was a twinkle in her eye Courtney recognized, and she didn't like the look. That look has created situations that left her vulnerable and her well-constructed walls of defense broken down to its foundation. The Latina could never escape the look; it was one of the many things about Bridgette.

So, she sighed and walked behind the blonde into her dark room.

* * *

When Bridgette turned the light on, she made a face of disgust and sniffed the air for a long moment, before shaking her head and turning and looking at Courtney, concerned. "Don't you smell that?" She asked, sounding exasperated.

Courtney genuinely had no idea what she was talking about. It still smelled like her room. If anything smelled, it was the laundry that had been sitting in the hamper for a few weeks, but she noticed early on she couldn't smell it unless she was within inches of it. In conclusion, she tended to avoid walking near that part of the room. She returned a concerned look.

"Courtney, you never smell, nor do you ever let things get this bad. You're a perfectionist."

"Was." Courtney corrected briskly, stepping around Bridgette and sitting on her bed, cross-legged. "I _was_ a perfectionist."

The blonde looked at her friend like another head was blooming on her shoulder. Silently, she walked around the room, picking up articles of clothing she presumed were dirty and stuffing everything in Courtney's hamper. Grunting only slightly, she lifted it and walked over to Courtney, dropping it in front of her. "Take this to the laundry room downstairs." She ordered, without the voice of a leader.

The brunette looked at the hamper, then at her friend.

Bridgette crossed her arms, trying to be more intimidating. They both knew the blonde was harmless, but her best friend had a bite to her bark.

* * *

Courtney stood in front of the washing machine, elbows settled on top of it. She moved with the washing machine, making no attempt to remove herself from the spot she was in. It really hadn't taken that much longer for Courtney to comply to her friend's orders/wishes. Bridgette had pleaded for Courtney to clean her sheets as well, so they were in the washing machine next to the other Courtney was currently by.

The laundry room wasn't too large, but it wasn't small either. The washers were on one side, and dryers across from them. It was painfully plain in the room: white walls, white tile floors, a sink on the wall, and a light in the center of the room.

The door usually stayed open, Courtney noted, but there were times where it was closed or locked for whatever reason. Every once and awhile she would run into another tenant of the apartment complex, and the two would make small talk, before leaving awkwardly and later seeing each other again to move their clothes from the washer to the dryer.

Thoughts sliding down a snowy hill of irrelevancies, Courtney pulled her phone out again and went back onto her last used app, looking at the most recent photo posted on her timeline. It was from LeShawna - Courtney didn't need to look at the picture to tell it was from her, because the username gave it away: _shawnieindahooouse_. The picture had her sitting in a chair on some talk show, possibly a more local one to her home. The caption was long, because of the hashtags she used, but essentially she told her followers to click the link in her bio as she talked about being on _Total Drama_ and her emotions about the incoming reunion. Naturally, Courtney double-tapped on the former contestant's photo, a bright heart appearing on it for a moment. And for a couple of minutes, Courtney wondered how the African-Canadian was. She did remember the simple fact that Bridgette was indeed friends with LeShawna, but she was unclear on their current status or if they had stayed in contact after the latest season, despite either actually being on it.

Courtney actually considered posting a picture, of herself, and maybe have Bridgette in it as well. She decided against it, though, wanting to wait until another time. But also, she was afraid. Courtney always understood the power fame had as well as the strong opinions of others. Hell, Courtney had some of the strongest opinions of anyone she had ever met. Plus, she wasn't afraid to voice them, for the most part. Recently, though, she's been too tired and unmotivated to even argue with her co-workers or her parents about anything. And she could never really _argue_ against Bridgette. It was more-so like disagreements that were later forgotten.

If there was one thing about Courtney she always prided herself in, it was her honesty. As loud and obnoxious as it seemed at times, it was never a lie. On the island, that left her in a lot of trouble with her fellow contestants and burned unstable bridges. Dishonesty started to overtake her motives and reasoning the longer she stayed in the series. Courtney began using people, manipulating those around her for her own personal gain, -.

The Latina could barely think about it without guilt stabbing her abdomen. She decided to go back to her room; at least there was entertainment and she found comfort with her best friend. In the laundry room, it was so quiet Courtney's thoughts sounded all too-real beside her, whispering in her ear about everything wrong with her.

She waited for the elevator instead of walking up four flights of steps. Despite recently waking up, she felt sluggish and drowsy, in a dream of her own. When it finally appeared, someone got off and the two made eye-contact for a moment before glancing to the floor and quickly walking into the elevator and clicking the " _4"_ button repeatedly until the elevator door's closed.

* * *

"Oh! Courtney, you're back!" Bridgette greeted, waving at her friend as she entered her bedroom.

The former contestant looked at her friend and smiled, before moving her eyes on the floor and seeing the scattered notebooks on the floor. Silently, she sat down and looked at them all.

"Sorry, I really want your room to be clean, so I started going through some stuff." The blonde held up one notebook. "This is from high-school, Court. I don't think you need this anymore." Without waiting for the sound of objection, she threw it in the large black trash bag on the floor beside her.

"Bridgette! What if I needed that?" Courtney asked, as she started to reach for the bag.

The other girl moved the bag farther away. She gave Courtney a look and took another book and threw it in.

Courtney watched her friend throw away her notebooks, full of detailed theories, concepts, and homework answers. Those were Courtney's pride and joy; her clean handwriting and perfectly dotted i's all gone too waste.

Bridgette held a piece of folded paper, reading it interestedly. "Wow." She mumbled. "Court, I thought you said you didn't write poetry."

"I don't." Courtney raised an eyebrow at her friend, before looking at the paper in her hand and recognizing it almost immediately. "Oh." She paused for a moment.

"This is really deep, Courtney."

"I didn't write it, Bridgette." The Latina told her friend. The words on the simple slip of paper wrapped themselves around her mind. It was weird how taking the same twenty-six symbols and rearranging them could affect a person. "A girl from high-school did."

Bridgette looked at Courtney confused. "Then why do you have it? I've never seen you read or write poetry before."

There was a loud silence between the two, a silence Bridgette didn't really understand.

Courtney didn't exactly have an answer planned out. Honestly, she could barely explain it herself. The meaning she took from the words. In some way, she had an idea of what the author meant when she wrote the words. Like Courtney was going through a similar situation. Even though the conversation between them happened years ago, it appeared in Courtney's head like it was only a few hours ago. It moved something deep within her. A shift in a revelation Courtney was beginning to believe didn't exist. _Truth_. Courtney was an honest person, which is what she used to tell herself a long time ago. But, there wasn't an honest she was looking for. It was a truth.

Maybe that's why she spent so many months in her apartment, barely speaking for days. She was looking at it from the wrong angle, the wrong lens. Everything that had ever happened to her she reflected in a light that wasn't strong enough. The long nights had meaning to them after all. The long contemplations displayed her growth, sure, but it was more than it. It was always much more than that.

And even now, as she sat on her floor, across from her best friend. The subliminal messages were never hiding after all, and Courtney knew that. It was never about her lying, but her _hiding_. Her feelings, her meanings, her thoughts. Anything that would have been considered as a truth. Why did she hide the truth? What is she so afraid of? Courtney was always honest, but never truthful. Why?

She studied psychology in high school for a year, but they never covered this. She could give a basic explanation on mental disease, memory, and society, but this was an undiscovered ocean Courtney needed to experience, instead of learn about.

Bridgette watched Courtney's face, which was blank and expressionless. Then, Courtney blinked, and it looked like she was even more depressed than usual.

"Court?" Bridgette asked nervously. She reached and grabbed Courtney's hand. In response, the Latina tightened her grip on Bridgette's smooth, tan palm.

Interrupting the dense silence, Courtney's phone lit up and rang - a text message.

Courtney, let go, and stood up, and whispered. "I'm gonna go get the pizza. I'm okay." She was. Honestly.

* * *

hi everyone! thanks for tuning in! I was going to make this longer but I decided against it. I like the length these are at currently. Hopefully this wasn't too bad. Thanks again, and see you all later!


	4. Clean

Hi everyone! This was super random, as i am currently nearing the end of my thanksgiving break from college, so i thought, 'why not push out a new chapter?'. Again, thank you all for all the reviews, i really do love to see you guys reading and interested in what's happening!

A couple housekeeping things. Last chapter will probably be one of the darker ones, with a few moments in each chapter from there on.

I will probably begin to pick up the pace of the story progression after the next chapter, because i am suuuuper excited to begin writing for all of the characters (or at least, the more relevant ones for this story), so i'll make sure to note somewhere in the chapters the dates or times of day. (I already messed it up in the first two chapters! One says June, the other says July. It is currently early-mid June for clarification)

And as usual, please review/comment about how you felt about the chapter or the story as a whole, especially the progression of things if you're up to it. if not, maybe the follow button is more your style. Either way, thanks for tuning in, and i hope you enjoy it! thanks a bunch!

* * *

Again, Courtney stood in the plain laundry room. There were a few minutes left before the dryer stopped and she could grab her sheets and clothes, take them back into her Lysol-smelling room, and place them gently onto her bed. Make everything feel like it was normal again - as in a few years ago, where life consisted of petty drama and tons of talk-show dates in the States once the series picked up praise down there. Sometimes, she wonders if she should move down there, to some pretty city like New York or Dallas, where it creates the persona of sparkling lights and busy streets. Could she even keep up with everyone else if she tried? She can barely keep up with herself.

Speaking of, she realized she wasn't vibrating while sitting on the dryer, which meant her clothes had finished. Retractable tangents of memories reverted her back into her current reality. Slowly, she hopped off of the dryer and opened it, squinting her eyes at the heat that left the dryer and mixed itself with the stale air of the laundry room. Courtney squatted and cautiously pulled her sheets and clothes out of the dryer and into the laundry basket beside her. She quickly peeked inside to see if there were any lingering socks or underwear, before shutting the door and standing up, grabbing the basket alongside her. To her right, she saw the other person's clothes from earlier were still in the washer, sitting. She made a face towards the damp clothes and spun around, walking out of the laundry room and to the elevator. Pushing it with a finger holding the laundry basket, Courtney stood there in silence.

The dinner she had with Bridgette was silently frustrating. They barely spoke, other than Bridgette commenting, "I wish you were more open sometimes, Court."

Courtney hadn't responded to her, choosing to take a step backwards and hide exactly how she felt. So she looked down at her unappetizing pizza and took a bite out of it. The two girls were standing on opposite sides of the island separating the kitchen from the living room. Courtney stood on the kitchen side, and Bridgette on the living room side. It kind of represented the two, Courtney had contemplated while eating, avoiding the earlier discoveries of the poems saved from high school. The brunette was in the stove and the refrigerator; quick burst of heat, but hiding the things that fill a person with abstract feelings inside of her. She slid through the wooden cabinets, echoing forgotten thoughts. And even the freezer, where her cool exterior greeted many quickly. And Bridgette was the living room; she was home. Comfort. The sofa full of photogenic smiles and captured naps. The television that showcased the love in the world, the peace everyone looks for.

Courtney was struggling to find herself where Bridgette was in life. That's what she pondered over while they ate over the pizza box. How does she go from the island separating the two to the state? Continent? or even Pangaea, connecting everything together? And the brunette wasn't jealous of her best friend; she could never be. It was self-induced anger, blame only towards herself.

 _Ding_. The elevator slowly opened it doors, and luckily for Courtney, there wasn't anyone on the other side. She set the basket down onto the floor, and pressed the _4_ button, leaning on the wall across from the doors and closing her eyes. The doors closed.

* * *

When she was a child, and even later on in her adolescent years, Courtney never saw cleaning as a chore. Rather, it was more of a lifestyle she wished others would adopt. Making her bed, doing laundry, washing dishes, all of it had an odd appeal to her. For awhile, she believed she had an obsessive compulsive disorder. Perfectionist attitude, daily schedule of when to complete particular actions, and a way of how to do them. Later on, in her psych class, she learned about OCD-personality traits, and clenched onto those in order to find herself.

Cleaning helped relieve her of negative emotions when playing her violin or studying couldn't quite reach the level of serenity. In _Total Drama_ , it was actually how she and Bridgette began talking. Courtney always took the half-full or completely full bowls and plates of the _Bass_ and would throw them out. One day, Bridgette stood up before she could and smiled at her, telling her to sit down because she 'got it' this time. When the blonde walked back, she sat down next to Courtney and the two hit it off. They later gossiped about the latest eliminations and talked about how cute some of the boys were (some of which Courtney would never deny calling attractive versus others).

Courtney assumed her disorganized room was the first indication something was wrong. Bridgette came by nearly six months ago and immediately noticed the less-than-pristine look of her best friend's bedroom. Courtney waved her off and said she was having a bad day and hadn't had the time to really clean her room.

 _"I'll get to it, don't even worry."_ She hadn't exactly planned on the bad day to last several months.

* * *

Standing in her living room, Courtney set the basket down and looked around. There was only one slice of Courtney's pizza left, and one slice of Bridgette's pizza left. The box was wide open, making the majority of the tiny apartment smell like grease. The Febreeze was in the bathroom, so Courtney would have to remind herself to grab it and spray the hell out of this place.

"Court! Come on and put those sheets on the bed!" Bridgette called from the bedroom.

Her voice was as happy as always, Courtney mindlessly thought to herself as she traveled into her room. She stood at the entrance, staring around.

The floor was nearly clear of any clothes or clutter. Any books she had attempted to read all placed back into her bookshelf in color order (a quirky habit Courtney had picked up in middle school in order to be different than everyone else who organized things in alphabetical order). Even her shoes were nicely placed in the closet - this she noticed a couple minutes later after walking in the room in awe. The best part: Bridgette used the Hawaiian-smelling Febreeze. Classic.

Speaking of, the blonde best friend sat on the edge of Courtney's bed, scrolling on her phone tapping on the screen several times. The owner of the apartment smiled lightly, before walking over to her friend and plopping the basket down in front of her. "Scoosh." Courtney ordered in a friendly manner. "You're in the way."

"Contrary to belief," Bridgette _clicked_ her phone off and smiled, looking up at Courtney, "I am the way." The brunette snorted, shaking her head. Bridgette did stand up, though, and pulled out some of her clothes. Then she picked up some of Courtney's shirts and underwear. "I'm going to put some of these away, okay?"

Courtney nodded and pulled out her bedsheets.

For a few moments, the two worked in silence. Courtney wanted to make conversation, to at least show her friend she was fine, but couldn't think of anything off the top of her head. Maybe the wedding? Or her parents - no, she couldn't ask about Bridgette's parents, because that would lead into a conversation about her parents and the last thing Courtney wants is to be reminded of her seclusion to the world, parents included.

"So," the brunette began, slightly struggling to reach across her bed and fix the bottom sheet, "have you talked to LeShawna recently?" She finished.

There was a small silence on the other side of the room. "I haven't talked to Shawnie in the past month, but yeah we stay in contact!" Courtney could hear the proudness in her friend's voice, alongside some confusion. "Why are you asking?" The brunette could feel hazel eyes looking at the back of her head.

"No reason." Courtney responded quickly. She inwardly cringed, noticing the terrible lie. After a few seconds, she released the breath she was holding. "I was going through my Instagram feed and one of her post appeared, so I was just curious."

There was no reason to be jealous of LeShawna's well-adjustment and consistent social media presence. In the filming of _Action_ and _World Tour_ Courtney believed social media was stupid and caused more harm than help. Yet, that's when her entire focus was directed towards Duncan and being a lawyer, so of course if she were to have any presence on the infinite internet, it was going to be only in the best ways.

Which is why one thing Courtney never did was post a picture with Duncan on _Twitter_ or _Instagram_. Her original reasoning was because she didn't enjoy people knowing her personal life, and for the time they were together that's all Courtney told him. And he didn't really care, with the few exceptions. The more tangled their relationship became, the more Courtney came to an understanding that wasn't the entire reason she never posted pictures of him or with him. Somewhere in-between seasons she knew she cared about her future more than anything. So, she only posted pictures that she believed would boost her chances of having the brightest future at prestigious colleges. Ironically enough this was during her time on reality television.

Bridgette "mhmm'ed" instead of using her words. Courtney could hear her moving around the room again, opening drawers and closing them.

When she finished making the sheets, Courtney lazily threw her comforter onto the bed and sat on top. Her friend was almost done putting away her clothes; everything felt normal for a moment.

A few years ago, the two girls would gossip in Courtney's room, reading through tabloid magazines and watching _TMZ_ reports about American and Canadian celebrities they had met in passing once upon a time. The Americans really ate them up, constantly inviting them to the States for red carpet events. Bridgette posted a lot more on her social media accounts about all their journeys through Hollywood and New York and how kids would come up to get autographs and the luncheons with popular television stars as well.

Reminiscing, Courtney unlocked her phone and clicked on the _Instagram_ application, automatically logged in. Underneath her account's page, she clicked onto the pictures she was tagged in, most of them by Bridgette. Not that the two were old (Courtney would deny her age until she hit 40) but the bags under Courtney's eyes have seen much better days now compared to the pictures she was tagged in. It was kind of nice, looking back at their perfectly done makeup and rented dresses, or when they sped through the Canadian cities with their hair flying in the wind. Life was much more carefree then.

"What cha looking at?" Courtney felt her best friend fall onto the bed beside her as she asked. She peeked over the brunette's shoulder. "Wait, I loved that silver dress they let me wear for the _Kids Choice Awards_ that one year. I wish I could wear it again."

Courtney clicked on the picture, letting it load. In it, Bridgette's hair was styled in a bun, similarly to the aftermath episode where she sang her way to Geoff's forgiveness for kissing Alejandro. And Courtney wore an off-the-shoulder peach dress, fitting on the top but flowing to her calves from the waist. The hair designer stole Bridgette's natural beach waves and incorporated them into Courtney's short locks. Courtney's hand was wrapped around her best friend's neck, and Bridgette's went across Courtney's back. The blonde was smiling at her friend, who in return was laughing at something. In short, the two looked like real princesses.

"You looked beautiful in that picture - not that you never don't look beautiful." Courtney left the picture, clicking onto her regular feed and scrolling through it.

Bridgette laughed. "You really have a way with words Court. You looked stunning in that too. You always look stunning."

"Bridge, I literally look like a mop right now. You don't have to lie."

"Well..." Bridgette started.

Fake gasping, Courtney turned to her friend, who avoided eye-contact.

Then, the two began to laugh.

* * *

The fridge welcomed the two slices of pizza with lots of space and a melodic _hum_.

Breaking the box down, Courtney grabbed an old grocery bag and put the pieces of the box inside of it, hanging it onto the front door as a reminder to take it downstairs to the trash room. Afterwards, she wiped the counter and the island down with her washcloth. Bridgette sprayed Febreeze in here moments later.

The television was on a music station, _Today's Hits_ as it was titled. It was currently playing a song by some guy named _Charlie Puth_. Bridgette was a fan of him, but Courtney had been so out of tune to recent music hits she felt like she was living in 2016 instead of 2017. It was a jazz-themed song, an earworm Courtney could see herself humming on her way to work and cursing Bridgette for it in the process.

This was the atmosphere Courtney realized she missed. Cleaning, singing along to songs she didn't know the words to with her best friend. There was no one to thank but the woman of the hour, Bridgette. At the same time, though, it made her fearful of when Bridgette left and went back home. The half-step of process they made would crumble back into unrecognizable debris. A word Courtney was not familiar with until now was dependency. Here, she realized this is what she had. Without her parents or Bridgette physically here, there was a probable chance she would return to bad days everyday.

"Hey, what're you thinking about?" A voice disrupted her negative thoughts from progressing. Where would she be without Bridgette?

She turned around to her friend and smiled. "Nothing, just that I like this song and I'm going to hate you when it gets stuck in my head."

Bridgette crossed her arms playfully. "It isn't my fault your best friend has great taste in music."

Courtney snorted. "Sure. Whatever you say."

Suddenly, in-between songs, Courtney's phone vibrated and made a sound, alerting her she had a new notification. Her phone was on the couch, closer to Bridgette, so naturally she went and picked it up.

"Courtney?" She asked, staring at the phone.

The brunette, throwing her washcloth in the sink, turned around.

Bridgette continued. "Why is Trent Rivers sending you a snapchat?"

 _Trent Rivers_. That name really threw Courtney back to almost a year ago.

She walked over to Bridgette. "Trent? We uh, talk sometimes." She took her phone away from Bridgette.

Which was the truth. Trent and Courtney have had a friendship since _Action_ , naturally. That was when the rumors of their significant others cheating on them began. Trent was no where near the level of friendship that Bridgette was on, but he still knew things about Courtney she wouldn't actively release to the public, and vise versa. The two have had a bond that grew over the years.

Plus, Trent never hated her like everyone else did. He was patient, and came from a place of understanding when Courtney really started to unwind and change into something much more antagonistic on the show.

"I never knew that." Bridgette commented, sounding a bit upset over the news that had been ongoing for several years. She did continue to stand next to Courtney though, interested in what Trent sent.

Courtney unlocked her phone and tapped on the _Snapchat_ application. "Well, y'know, when people clump others together in similar boats and define you as crazy, it isn't totally left field that they become friends." She retorted, a bit bitter.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Bridgette flinch and grab her arms, something she always did when she felt uncomfortable or guilty in a situation, even though Courtney's comment wasn't necessarily directed towards her.

Of all of the seasons of _Total Drama_ , the second season was the one where they spoke the least amount. Bridgette was busy with Geoff and being an aftermath host, so she had little time to hangout. And Courtney had tunnel vision for winning her lawsuit against Chris and the show, wanting to prove to herself and others (who, she later realized, didn't care at all) that she could get what she want however and whenever she wanted. In the process, though, she was heartbroken at the rumors, just like Trent was. He would always comment that tragedy brought others together, and Courtney would mock him for lamely attempting to reference Shakespeare or his works.

She clicked the picture Trent sent her, which was of his laptop broadcasting one of the many articles of Courtney's reappearance with Bridgette. He had captioned the picture "glad to see youre alive and well" with a smiley face emoji.

The brunette couldn't help but smile at the photo. Trent was always looking out for her. "Trent and I had one of those streak things." Courtney mentioned, double tapping his name so she could send a response to him.

"Really?" Bridgette asked. "For how long?"

Courtney flipped the camera so it was on her. She stuck her tongue out at the camera. Bridgette popped her face in, smiling with her teeth. She sent the picture without a caption.

It took Courtney a few seconds to answer the question. "Um, maybe like 150 days or something like that. I don't really remember."

"Dude, that's so long!" The blonde responded, shocked at the number.

Courtney shrugged her shoulders and sat down on the couch. Bridgette slid down beside her. "And you guys are each other's best friends?" Bridgette looked, astounded.

"Oh, is that what the little heart thing means?" Courtney asked. "I never knew. No one told me. I can't see how we are though."

In her head, Courtney knew that was a lie. For those months they talked everyday, Trent and Courtney spoke all throughout the day about anything and everything except how they were feeling (for the most part). Courtney would send videos of her walks to work and Trent would send videos of his dog, who Courtney always called the cutest thing in the entire world. If they both were feeling stressed, they would send videos of them playing their respective instruments to each other, creating a faulty, but beautiful duet.

Bridgette raised an eyebrow at Courtney, knowing she was lying, but not aware of the extent of the lie. "Court."

"Fine. We talked a lot." She mumbled out.

Trent sent another message to her.

More interested, Bridgette sat up more proper.

Courtney turned and looked at her. "What?"

"Did you guys like, date?" Bridgette asked, staring at Courtney.

Courtney opened the picture from Trent. It was of his face this time, waving a hand. "hi bridge! and glad to see you court!" It read. Courtney took one smiling and captioned it, "hi trent. long time no see. hows life? bridge says hi!" and sent it.

Afterwards, she turned to her best friend, confused. "No Bridge, Trent and I never dated. That would be weird. And totally cliché."

Bridgette searched Courtney's face for a lie, and found none.

She was telling the truth. Trent and her were only friends. In Courtney's eyes, she could only see him the way many girls saw Cody Anderson as: a brother. He was there as a guy Courtney knew she could always count on, no matter what. It almost came to the point where Courtney believed he would try (and more than likely fail) to beat a guy up in order to protect her. There was more to Trent than the heartbroken musician somewhat obsessed with the number nine that many girls saw.

Unsurprisingly, many people thought she and Trent would start a romance after all of the drama in _Action_ and _World Tour_. Some of the other contestants had recognized that the duo starting slowly spending more time together in-between seasons and while the two weren't actively competing against everyone else. They never did anything romantic though. And a ton of ex-contestants tried reasoning with Trent behind Courtney's back, telling him how crazy she was and she wasn't worth the time. According to Trent, he always explained to them he was a big boy and he can handle himself.

 _"I always tell them, 'Court's not that bad!.'"_ Trent would tell her as they sat in his hotel room, pausing the Netflix show. _"She's actually a genuine person, and has a heart, a big one. She just doesn't show it all the time."_

Courtney lightly slapped his arm. _"Why would you tell them I have a big heart, Trent? They could use that against me."_

 _"Nah, I wouldn't worry about it. Chillax though, we're not in competition mode, this is Netflix and chill mode."_

The two had looked at each other after Trent said that, and laughed aloud. Courtney had to cover her mouth in order to avoid being louder than she already was.

Sometimes, Courtney was afraid Trent would begin having feelings for her. But, as the years continued, her fear decreased until it barely existed. Then, they had stopped talking for several months like they always do.

There were nights where Courtney wanted to reach out to him, almost more than she had wanted to for Bridgette. She knew he had been in places emotionally that the cameras never caught, places mentally that producers wouldn't understand. Gwen really hurt Trent, and as far as Courtney is concerned Trent would never release that information to her. Yeah, they were all teenagers, but the public humiliation, camera manipulation, and real-life emotions did not mix well.

* * *

A couple hours later, Bridgette and Courtney were still talking to Trent through _Snapchat_. The television was on, playing TMZ, reminding the girls of their late teenaged years.

"Hey Courtney?" Bridgette turned to her friend.

The brunette as a few screen taps away from opening the latest message from her friend. She turned and look at Bridgette, who had one of her staple looks in her eyes. Courtney recognized it easily; Bridgette had something on her mind. The blonde probably spent some time formulating how she was going to ask the question, considering the many reactions Courtney could have. "What's up Bridgette?" She asked, opening Trent's message, which was him talking about his plans for the next few months.

Her best friend re-adjusted herself in Courtney's sofa, still looking at her. "Are you going to respond to the email about the reunion?"

"I'm not going." Courtney responded curtly.

"But Court-." Bridgette tried to begin her rebuttal.

Courtney turned to her friend, her speech quickly picking up. "Bridgette, I told you over the phone, I'm not going. That's comparable to me voluntarily throwing myself into a room full of lions and hawks. I would be eaten alive." The brunette stood up. "No one likes me, no ones care about me, and Bridge? I just -." The feeling of panic Courtney was all-too familiar with began. "I just can't."

Bridgette stood up alongside her. "Courtney. It's not comparable. The only lions and hawks are Chris and the sorry producers that work underneath him. And I won't let you be eaten alive by anyone. Nor will Trent." Bridgette grabbed her friend's hand. "I like you, and Trent likes you, Geoff likes you, and there are probably more people that actually like you than you would expect. You have us and your fans. Y-."

"Fans?" Courtney snorted. She was still holding onto Bridgette's hand though. "Bridge, Chris has been throwing hate mail at me for the past four years. I don't think I've been fan mail since we were on the island. I don't think Chris understood what depriving teenagers of things like that can do in the long run."

"Just because you only saw the hate doesn't mean there aren't people that look up to you for being a strong, independent, driven young woman." Bridgette made eye contact with her friend.

"And bitchy, obnoxious, overbearing, annoying, need I say more?" Courtney crossed her arms, looking away.

The blonde took a step forward, so she and Courtney were almost touching. Both girls were about average height, so they were eye-to-eye with each other.

She looked at Courtney again. "Court, you're none of those things."

"Except I am Bridgette!" Courtney turned and faced her best friend. "I am all of those things, no matter how much I want to say that I've changed. Look at where those traits got me."

Courtney outstretched her arms. "I'm living in a cramped apartment alone. The only time I talk to people is when I'm taking their orders as a barista. I'm practically a hermit, never leaving my apartment unless I need food or have to go to work. I'm a loser Bridgette." Courtney put her arms down weakly. There was no anger or frustration in her voice anymore; there was only exhaustion. "Just like in every season of _Total Drama_ , I'm a loser. I've lost money, friendships, the opportunity to have love, and my dignity. I don't have anything left."

"All the more reason to come." Bridgette spoke without missing a beat. "If this is your rock bottom, Court, that means you can only go up." She smiled for a moment, before frowning again. "And don't call yourself a loser, because you're not."

"So what am I?" Courtney asked, quietly.

The television illuminated the two girls as they stood face-to-face. The volume on it wasn't high, but easily heard.

A phone alert rang in the dense apartment. A quick glance would see it's from Trent.

There was a chill in the apartment, lingering in the living room. The air-conditioner played its continuous melody, being on for some time.

Bridgette smiled again. "You're Courtney. Duh."

And that led Courtney to breathed out the anxiety she was holding in the form of a soft laugh. Her shoulders dipped down, losing the tension from earlier. "That doesn't make any sense."

The blonde embraced Courtney suddenly. "No one else is Courtney, but you. Since when have you cared about what people think, or been afraid of Chris, or your confidence?"

Shocked, Courtney stood in place, frozen for the first few moments as Bridgette continued speaking. Then, she abruptly released herself from her friend's grip. "When did I ever say I was afraid of Chris?" She placed her hands on her hips. "I'm not afraid of anyone. Especially not Chris."

"That's the Courtney I know and love." Bridgette smiled at her friend.

In a way, Bridgette was correct. While they were filming, Courtney didn't care about anyone. All she saw was green, the color of success. And money, as the cherry on top. With a few exceptions, she tried to never display signs of fear or anxiety. If she did, it would become channeled externally as anger or annoyance. Coincidentally, as her relationship with Duncan continued, she became more angry - hence the correlation. But, during the months there wasn't any filming, Courtney would sit at home at read through all the mail Chris would send to her house. Or, she would google her name and read the online articles telling her to just quit the series or give up on love. The time between _World Tour_ and _All Stars_ was the hardest; it took Courtney weeks to come around to the idea of going back onto another competition series for what Chris deemed as the "final time". Luckily, the first couple weeks were fine. Unfortunately, like always, the fiery competition got to the best of her and the traits that were a staple of her character became the downfall of her time on the island for the third time.

The fact that she hadn't learned her lessons at all were what hit her the hardest. Courtney spent so much time home moping around, but she could've been outside, redeeming herself. A few hours ago Courtney realized that she actually was afraid of public scrutiny. The thoughts of others left imaginative impressions on her skin and in her mind, leaving her now-vulnerable to most. This isn't the Courtney people are familiar with. That Courtney hid her feelings and avoided confrontation of anything that wasn't related to personal gain or revenge.

Courtney grabbed her phone and unlocked it, again opening the _Snapchat_ application and opening the message she received from Trent. Ignoring it, she sent him a chat message instead.

" _should i go to the reunion? stuck._ "

He opened it and responded almost immediately. Courtney phone lit up with a new message.

" _absolutely. wouldn't be the same w/o u. cant deal with the crazies without my bud. pls come_ "

She sighed and looked at Bridgette. "I'll think about it. Unfortunately, both you and Trent want me to co-."

Courtney was cut off by her best friend hugging her tightly. "Oh Courtney, I'm so proud of you."

"Yeah, well," The brunette started, slowly hugging back, "don't get your hopes up. I may decide the day of not to go."

Bridgette didn't respond to her friend. Rather, she nuzzled her face into Courtney's shoulder. And Courtney smiled a bit, hugging even tighter than before.

* * *

And we have the appearance of a new character! I already knew Trent was going to be an important member in this story, but i decided pretty last minute to introduce him now instead of later on. Hopefully i do him justice. i was considering doing a Trent and Courtney endgame or during the game and having a Duncan and Courtney endgame, but i legitimately have no intentions of hurting Trent in this story (more than i already have planned haha)(also i love him so much) so i threw that away.

Hopefully this wasn't too bad. Again, if you're feeling up to it let me know what you thought in the comments! Thanks again! Hopefully the next chapter will be during the winter break, so until then friends!


	5. Him (1)

happy holidays everyone! here is the next installment of _The Scales of Judgement_. As always, thank you sooo much for the reviews, I appreciate all of them! For this chapter, I actually sat down and wrote it over a course of the past week, so it isn't just one sitting (which is kind of unhealthy now that I think about it)(and I'm hoping the quality of the chapter is the same as the others if not a bit better). And like I mentioned in the first chapter, I really only have a beginning, middle, and end planned out, so except the ingredients to get crazy at times! Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

* * *

 _"Do you think I'm crazy. I'm not_ crazy _, right?_ "

" _I used to think you were._ "

" _What changed?_ "

" _A lot_."

There was a murky silence, dissipating by the seconds. An uncomfortable quiet followed the short, but heavy answer. Sitting in a hotel room, the television talked aimlessly to no one in particular, discussing the changing weather, recent murders, and everything else that didn't matter to the two.

" _I love h-_ "

" _I know._ "

" _Am I wrong? Is it too fast?_ "

" _Feelings aren't wrong._ "

" _But they can be misguided_."

The lack of a response to the comment seemed to end the conversation there. It was something that could've been quoted from a famous person, or put in a picture frame and hung in a house of mirrors.

" _I'm gonna miss you, Courtney._ "

" _I'll be back soon, hopefully a lot richer._ "

" _And happier._ "

" _Do you think money buys happiness?_ "

" _Do you?_ "

" _I think it gets me pretty close to it._ "

" _A thin line from that and being materialistic._ "

" _How about this: I don't need to rely on money to be happy._ "

" _Which do you think is more important, happiness or money?_ "

" _I want to say happiness. Why?_ "

" _So what if you had to choose between Duncan and the money._ "

" _Who said Duncan brings me happiness?"_

" _I can tell he does. I just know._ "

" _Yeah, right. Do you think I make him happy?"_

They locked eyes. A swamp of uneasiness flooded a set of eyes. Insecurity flashed-flooded in another. It was only right to barely stay afloat in their situation. Sometimes they floated on their backs peacefully, calm before the storm disrupted everything. It was nerve-wracking, never knowing what's coming next.

* * *

When she woke up on her stomach, it smelled like make-shift Hawaii. It wasn't a beautiful first few moments of consciousness; she blinked too many times and rubbed her eyes rid of the crust. The blinds were open, allowing sunlight to hit the carpeted floors for the first time in awhile.

She breathed into her sheets, closing her eyes again and letting the smell lull her back to sleep. This worked for a few seconds, before another smell took control of her nostrils. This one forced her to use her arms and push herself up onto her knees, squinting at the light in front of her. It smelled like pancakes and eggs. It was an unfamiliar smell in the apartment, so it made Courtney blink awake at a much faster rate.

Courtney groaned as she slid off of her bed, feeling her chances of falling back to sleep pass through her fingers like wind. She stretched on her tip-toes, reaching her arms towards her ceiling. The brunette only wore an oversized cream t-shirt to bed, forgoing shorts for the sticky June summer. Quickly, she glanced at the mirror still in the corner of her bedroom. It was shattered, and should be thrown out. Thoughtfully, Courtney wondered why Bridgette let it stay. Maybe she forgot it was there and decided to go to sleep instead of take it down to the trash room.

At the thought of her best friend, again, Courtney forgot she was here. It was an automatic thing, forgetting her best friend's existence in her apartment only because no one stuck around for long if Courtney even allowed them to come over. The blonde was the source of the appeal of breakfast that surprisingly left her friend's stomach rumbling for food. Usually, Courtney ignored the sound for sheer laziness and lack of interest in satisfying her appetite, but having her best friend around has caused a slight change in behavior.

Instead of going straight towards the kitchen, Courtney turned into her bathroom and shut the door lightly. She peed, flushed the toilet (thanking the heavens she wasn't sure existed because the toilet actually flushed) and opened the cabinet, reaching for her toothbrush and toothpaste. Then she closed the door, letting herself stare at her reflection in the mirror. Her hair was sticking out in various places and her skin looked a bit dry, bags underneath her eyes spoke lengths. Courtney glanced away and turned the sink water on, wetting her toothbrush and putting paste on it before beginning to brush her teeth.

She had a dream about Duncan again, she thought as she brushed the furthest teeth. It was fast and wild, a two-second glimpse of their relationship time-lapsed into seven hours. Clearly, she could see the green hair, feel the stubble around his bottom lip, hear _princess_ being whispered over and over again. It made her gag, but to make herself feel better she stuck the toothbrush down her throat to hide the embarrassment. She spit out the toothpaste mixed with her spit, before looking back up at herself in the mirror, light tears in her eyes. Courtney continued brushing.

Sometimes, when she dreams about him and wakes up the next morning, she reminisces on the first time they touched or held hands or kissed and feels the sparks of electricity waterfall down her back. It was new, exciting, and everything Courtney didn't realize she actually needed, all encompassed in a sixteen-year-old delinquent. It was awful, really, how drawn to each other they were. The _opposites attract_ theory was proving the two wrong, until they realized their similarities were much more hidden than they originally believed.

* * *

" _Do you believe in soulmates?_ "

" _Sometimes._ "

" _Only sometimes?_ "

" _I think we have a perfect match, but there could be different types of obstacles._ "

" _I don't understand._ "

" _Like, maybe you already met your soulmate, but it wasn't at the perfect time; you both need to grow before being together. Or, you're friends now, but you haven't realized how much you mean to each other, or what you could be._ "

" _Oh, so like the puzzle pieces are there, you just have to put them together._ "

" _Yeah. Something like that._ "

* * *

Cheesing widely in the mirror, Courtney stared at her teeth to make sure she hit every single tooth before closing her mouth and staring at her chapped lips. She leaned forward, enough that her forehead met the cold embrace of the mirror and she stayed like that for a moment, closing her eyes. It was a nice feeling, contrasting the outside weather. Exhaling, Courtney dipped her shoulders low to relax her over-stressed muscles before pushing herself off of the sink and mirror and opening the cabinet, placing her toothbrush and toothpaste back and closing the cabinet.

After opening the bathroom door, she turned and walked into her living room. It was on, playing some television series about brides looking for the perfect dress. A long line of family members and friends sat on sofas, eagerly waiting for the bride-to-be to walk out in what could possibly be _the one_. And speaking of brides-to-be, Courtney turned towards the kitchen and saw Bridgette in one of the drawers, pulling out utensils for them to use. On the island there were two plates, each composed of pancakes, cheesy eggs, and oatmeal with raisins in it. Next to one of the plates was a bottle of pills.

"Good morning _mi rayo de sol._ " Bridgette greeted, partically in Spanish. A few years ago Courtney tried teaching her a few phrases since Bridgette was so interested in it for a few months.

" _Buenos días_ _mejor amiga. C_ _ómo has dormido?_ " Courtney responded, a light accent coming out when she spoke.

When Bridgette stared at the ground, trying to translate in her head, Courtney began to smile. Then, the blonde looked up thoughtfully.

Courtney chuckled lightly. "Good morning best friend. How did you sleep?" She decided to translate.

Her friend smiled sheepishly. "I totally knew that. I was just pretending that I didn't. I slept _bien_ , you know I love your couch." Bridgette picked up the pill bottle and placed it in front of her friend. "Here are your lactose pills. How did you sleep?"

For a moment, Courtney forgot she actually went to bed. Though she woke up slightly annoyed, dreaming about her past again, she felt somewhat refreshed. When was the last time she felt like this? A good night's rest wasn't particularly something she was recently familiar with, especially in the mornings or late afternoons when she woke up pondering her life and everything wrong she performed for a camera and money.

"Actually, I slept well." She responded, shock rising in her tone.

Bridgette nodded her head knowingly. "Yeah, you passed out as soon as you hit the bed. I was in the middle of telling you a story, I think. Next thing I know I hear light snoring and when I turn around you were out. It was pretty funny, actually. You were even lightly snoring, if I remember correctly."

While she was talking, Courtney grabbed a glass and filled it with water. She came back around and sat down on one of the stools, opening the pill bottle and throwing one of them in her mouth and putting the glass to her lips immediately afterwards and taking a drink. At the last part, she put her glass down and swallowed. "Bridgette. I do not snore."

"Are you sure, because I think that's what I heard last night."

"I promise you, I wasn't snoring. You must be hearing things." Courtney picked up a fork and took a large bite of her cheesy eggs. Not too long after she moaned at the taste of the eggs. "Bridgette, I forgot how amazing your eggs are, wow."

Bridgette looked up. "Court, I think you just forgot how good food is." She raised an eyebrow and took a bite of her pancake. "There's barely any food in here, you need to go food shopping. I'm going to write a list of things you need other than bread and milk."

The brunette rolled her eyes, before also taking a bite out of her pancakes and sitting in the silent aftermath. "I don't starve myself, Bridgette." She finally responded, sounding slightly annoyed.

"And I'm not saying that!" Bridgette looked at her friend, voice raising slightly, defending herself. "I'm more focused on the fact you aren't putting any effort in what you eat. You need a balanced diet, no matter how old or young you are. You know that."

In her head, Courtney knew she was right. The Latina used to be very particular about what she ate in order to keep a healthy body, since that led to a healthy mind and the Courtney back then believed she needed all the help she can get in order to get into law school and be the best corporate lawyer in the world. While filming the series her eating habits were somewhat affected since she couldn't eat her usual foods and had to settle for whatever Chef Hatchet decided to create in his kitchen. To this day, she still isn't sure what it was she was eating. There were several points throughout the first season where at least one contestant ended up with nausea, though.

In the mornings, back on the island, Courtney would jog on the beach since it was one of the few places she had mapped out in her head - she still had to look out for Fang some mornings, he liked morning snacks before breakfast. On the plus side, though, it kept her physical condition at its peak. But other then the low-levels of anxiety she felt, it was calming, in a sense. There were even a few times Duncan would run with her. His excuse for being awake was because " _Juvie, princess._ " and they both cared enough about their appearance to stay in shape. Some mornings they would talk, the runs more casual but longer. Other times it was silent and intense, keeping their thoughts private. Naturally, their competitiveness would arise some mornings, where they would race across the beach or to a tree with one of Duncan's carvings. Those were the times the cameras weren't rolling, and they could be themselves. Lightly drop hints about their feelings, talk about home, their problems, it was a different part of him Courtney wasn't familiar seeing for the majority of her time on the show. In all honesty, it was a breath of fresh air listening to him actually be a human being on the first season; it was one thing that kept her around the following seasons. Courtney was constantly looking for those broken pieces of Duncan he barely showed more and more. Yet, the more he was on television the less the world saw his nice interior, and the same applied to Courtney.

And now, here she is, thinking about him again. Years later, eating breakfast with her best friend. Somehow everything about herself led back to him in some way. It made her body tense up and feel uncomfortable, even though he is no where near her. Similarly to a lot of the contestants Courtney interacted with, they didn't leave off on the best of terms, so there is no real conclusion to their story. That fact makes possibly attending this reunion that much more nerve-wracking. Confrontation is usually something Courtney can easily deal with, but this time is different. Duncan isn't a stranger. There were mountains of feelings between the two which eventually led to their demise. If she were to ever talk to him again, Courtney wouldn't even know what to say or where to start. Sure, she's thought about it before and tried to piece together every single word that would appear in her monologue, but when Courtney thinks about the situation and visualizes it her nerves explode with energy and she looses her words. Courtney doesn't even know what Duncan looks like now, if he grew out the green mohawk or if the dog-collar is still religiously wrapped around his neck. She always thought those were silly, but important parts of his character.

She blinks, and suddenly she's back in the kitchen, Bridgette contently finishing her plate of food. So, Courtney goes back to eating too, pretending the interminable memories weren't plaguing her thoughts, and pretending Bridgette didn't notice the silence.

* * *

Bridgette spins in a circle in Courtney's living room, arms outstretched. Then she stops, facing her best friend, and poses with her head in the palms of her hands. She smiles widely, and blonde hair whips into her face. She has to blow some strands away, but finally stops moving.

"I think your hair should be curled." Courtney intensely looks at Bridgette, before turning back into a magazine full of different hair styles. "But not too curled! A soft, beach waves look, something natural to you." She circles a few pictures in the magazine. "How do you feel about a veil?"

She looks up to Bridgette, who looks back and shrugs her shoulders. "I'm not against it."

Courtney makes a face. She looks like she's thinking deeply. "I guess it would depend on what your dress looks like, but you don't have any ideas on what you want for that either. Other than you, Bridge, that's the centerpiece of the entire ceremony. And the flowers too, but you don't have any ideas about that either."

"I just don't want roses." Bridgette calls out.

"Which is fine, because when I think of you I don't think of roses. I'll write that down." Courtney writes on a notepad to the right of her.

Bridgette stops posing and stands in the living room, smiling. "So, what do we have so far?"

The brunette picks the notepad up. "Well," she begins, "You want your wedding colors to be blue-."

"Aqua." Bridgette corrects.

"-Right. Aqua," Courtney crosses out _blue_ and rewrites the color, "and seafoam. You also want a beach wedding - not surprising - and an indoor reception. You also want a white wedding dress and the wedding in March."

They look at each other.

"And?" Bridgette asks, wanting Courtney to continue talking.

"And?" Courtney questions her best friend. "Bridge, that's it. That's all we've come to a decision on so far."

Bridgette made a face. "I thought this would be way easier, it's been two hours. What else do I have to decide on?"

Courtney thinks for a moment. "Well, bridesmaids, invitation cards, an actual location and not just a beach, guest number, chair types, reception location, food, centerpieces during the reception, -."

"Okay, okay I get it. I have a lot more to figure out." Bridgette sounds tired.

Her friend laughs. "Bridge, this isn't something that's going to come to you all at once. It takes time. That's why you hire someone to do it for you: a wedding planner. That's It's a pretty self explanatory job description, all in the name."

Groaning, Bridgette drags herself to the sofa Courtney is sitting on and sits on the edges, avoiding sitting on wedding magazines.

"You'll have to compromise with Geoff too. You don't even know what he wants, it's his wedding too."

"Geoff wants his family there and a big reception party." Bridgette waved a hand at the Latina. "Trust me, I know Geoff like the back of my hand. He's a pretty simple guy."

Courtney smiles. "He's your simple guy. You never know, maybe he has a thing for centerpieces at the reception. Don't leave him out of the conversation."

Bridgette nodded, laughing. "That he is, he is my guy." She stops laughing for a moment. "He's my guy. Court," she turns and looks at her friend, "I'm getting married next year. I feel like such an adult."

In response, Courtney laughed at her friend. "Bridgette, you are an adult. At least, you're more of an adult than I am."

"Yeah, right Courtney." The blonde rolled her eyes playfully. "You've always been more of an adult since we were sixteen. Seriously, I wished I was at your level of maturity then. I still do sometimes."

The brunette turned to look at Bridgette, confused. "You actively witnessed me throw temper tantrums on international television almost every week. I literally filed a lawsuit and got special treatment like a spoiled brat. And as far as I'm concerned manipulating people isn't mature."

"See, that's your problem." Bridgette pointed at her friend dramatically. "You always look at the negative parts. What about the positives? You were a natural leader, albeit there were some issues. You're way more compassionate than what the cameras showed, and you handled a lot of the challenges maturely, like you weren't sixteen facing death."

"That's bit dramatic." Courtney commented, raising an eyebrow.

Bridgette shrugged her shoulders. "But you're not denying it."

Dramatically huffing, Courtney turned away from Bridgette and crossed her arms, watching the television. Some celebrity news station was playing, talking about the latest nominees for some music award show that was happening the following Sunday.

The girls watched in silence for about five minutes, before Bridgette picked up a magazine and began reading it.

"Holy shit." Courtney muttered, reaching for the remote while staring at the television.

Bridgette, looked at her confused, before she turned at the television.

Courtney turned the volume up.

"... _where-as Justin Bieber is leading the nominees with six nominations_ ," the woman was reading from a card, " _right behind him with four nominations is Trent Rivers, pop sensation and ex-contestant on the_ Total Drama Series _, where he participated in the first two seasons of the show. Since then, he has released three albums, his latest one,_ 'Hotel Conversations' _, recently going gold, with his leading single_ 'Your Soul' _recently going 2x platinum. Rivers is also set to perform at the Music Awards, and has publicly confirmed and accepted his invitation to the television reunion of_ Total Drama _. Also set to perform includes-_ "

"Holy shit." Bridgette repeated her friend's words, staring at the screen. "I get we're famous and stuff, but Trent's on a whole different level."

Her friend responded with silence, blindly looking for her phone in the mess of magazines on the couch. When she found it, she immediately unlocked it and opened it to her snapchat, chatting Trent.

"you're super famous? four nominations at CMAs?" She wrote, before sending it to him and setting her phone down.

She then looked at Bridgette, who looked back just as shell-shocked.

"I bet he's loaded and has a nice mansion." Bridgette finally spoke, pushing her hair away from her face.

Before Courtney could respond, her phone started buzzing. She looked at it confused, before realizing it was a facetime call from the man of the hour. "Shit, it's Trent."

Bridgette gave her wide eyes, silently telling her to answer the phone.

So she did, and Trent, with his pushed back black hair and forest-green eyes but wearing a grey t-shirt, appeared on the screen.

" _Courtney! Hey!"_ He greeted excitedly, voice a bit deeper since his time on the camera finished.

"Trent, what the hell?" Courtney questioned. She caught the look her blonde best friend was giving her, and continued talking. "Well, congrats on being nominated, but what the hell?"

"Congrats Trent!" Bridgette yelled from where she was sitting on the couch.

Trent smiled and started scratching the back of his neck, a classic move he never grew out of. Courtney noticed it almost immediately; he was showing his nerves too quickly. Then, like Courtney quietly predicted in her head, came the awkward, nervous laugh. _"Ahahaha, yeah, crazy right?"_ He did, however, acknowledge Bridgette with a _hey!_ and _thanks a bunch!_.

Courtney looked slightly annoyed, but pleased as well. "I can't believe I didn't know about this. And you're performing, which is kind of cool." She commented. "How are you feeling about it?"

" _The performance is pretty simple, so I'm not worried about that. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I just assumed you knew already."_ He smiled sheepishly.

Rolling her eyes, Courtney smiled. "At least you're feeling confident about it. You're performing in front of millions of people across the country." The brunette paused for a second. "Sorry, I hope I'm not scaring you. But you know what I'm talking about, from one instrumentalist to another."

Trent laughed. " _No worries, you're fine. And I've done a lot more embarrassing things in front of a camera too. Pretty relatable, from one ex-contestant to another._ "

"Oh of course, how could I forget that chunk of my life." Courtney snorted. Trent laughed on the other side. "But you're not nervous about the awards at all?"

The musician moved the camera a bit, so it was standing on something and his arms were fully shown. " _I'm absolutely terrified about the awards. There are some really great artist in all the categories I'm in."_ He crossed his arms. " _Justin Bieber included. Dude's gotta voice. And the fangirls from when he was twelve._ "

Courtney replied, "Don't forget to include yourself in those great artist nominated. You're gonna be fine, and at least I think you'll win something. I'll be here watching you from my couch!" She tried to sound enthusiastic.

" _Yeah, about that,_ " Trent began, scratching the back of his neck again. " _I have something I want to ask you_."

Bridgette turned and looked away from the magazine she was reading to Courtney, slyly listening to the conversation.

The Latina scrunched her eyebrows at the camera, genuinely confused. "Yeah, what's up?"

Trent cleared his throat, laughing awkwardly again. " _Well, I figured since we haven't hung out in awhile, and you may or may not be attending the reunion, I was wondering if uh, maybe, you'd come to the award show with me?_ " He asked. " _Not as my date, but as my friend! I do actually miss you._ "

There was a moment of silence. Then, Courtney started laughing. "Wow, Trent, you're hilarious." She managed to get out, before handing the phone to Bridgette, who looked shocked at the question. "It sounded like you were asking me to the CMAs, which is crazy." She finished laughing, "Wow, I haven't laughed like that in awhile."

" _Uhhh, I was asking you._ " Trent replied, nervous. He looked at Bridgette through the phone, who looked back at him, then at Courtney.

Courtney looked at Bridgette. "No, I'm not going. Sorry Trent. I don't have time to get a plane ticket, find a dress, get my hair done-."

" _Courtney, I can get all of that done here. And I'll fly you out, as a token of my appreciation. Seriously, everything will be paid for by me, so there will be no financial responsibility on your end._ " Trent said all of this apprehensively, since he was looking at a blonde instead of a brunette, and couldn't see Courtney's facial expressions.

The Latina froze. "She'll do it Trent. Buy the tickets." Bridgette answered for her friend.

"She will!?"

" _She will!?_ "

Courtney looked at Bridgette. "I'm sorry, _what_. Bridgette there's no way I can go."

Bridgette looked confused. "Uh, yeah there is. It's all being paid for. This will be good for you Courtney."

"Bridgette, I still have a job that I have to go to so I can, you know, pay my rent and have a place to stay."

The blonde rolled her eyes. "Courtney, I know you are still a perfectionist, no matter what you say. You probably have a year of vacation time just waiting to be used."

Damn. She was right. Courtney did have a lot of vacation time; she's only missed one day of work, and it was a family emergency, so it really didn't count.

"This is happening too fast, Bridgette. I'm not ready?" Courtney's heartrate started picking up at that thought, since her first excuse blew up in her face.

"Ready for what? To have fun. Courtney, you'll be fine. And before you even say it, the reporters are not going to eat you alive. I promise. Trent will be with you the entire time, you'll have nothing to worry about."

From her phone, Trent added on, " _Seriously Courtney, you will be safe by my side. I'll whisper jokes in your ear the entire time. I'll even wear my pajamas to the red-carpet event if that'll calm your nerves._ "

Courtney sighed. "Trent, I'm almost positive you wear your briefs to bed and that's it. I'm not sure the world is ready for all that." The trio laughed, Trent more nervously than others. After they finished laughing, Courtney looked at Bridgette, not as annoyed as she would have been if she was sixteen. "Why do I let you drag me into these things? Seriously, one day I'm going to have a heart attack or a lung collapse because of you."

Bridgette smiled wide. And Courtney could envision Trent fist-pumping on camera. " _Court, seriously, you're the best in the whole world. I can't wait to see you! I'm going to buy the place tickets tonight."_

The brunette shook her head. "Yeah yeah yeah, that's what everyone says."

The blonde handed Courtney's phone back to her, and the two musicians talked for another hour and the half, catching each other up on their worlds.

* * *

" _Thanks for coming. I really didn't know who else to call._ "

A front door closed. There was stomping on a mat, fluffy snow melting onto it. Heavy boots were removed and left there, drying off. The winter draft was locked out, leaving the heat of the apartment.

" _It's okay, I brought pizza._ " A smile reflected off of the other's, the two made their way to the living room.

They ate for a bit, settled in the silence of snow falling outside the window.

" _Did you watch it?_ " She asked.

" _Not yet, but I heard._ "

He looked up to her tears. When their eyes locked, he couldn't detect any anger.

" _Sometimes I forget how annoying it is being filmed all the time. They caught everything._ " She mumbled. He grabbed another slice as she continued speaking. " _I look like a fool. What was I thinking?_ "

" _That you loved-_."

" _More like lost. I lost everything._ "

" _You wanted perfection._ " He tried to argue. " _You just wanted things to be perfect, and that's okay._ "

" _I wanted him to be perfect without realizing he already was, just the way he is. And she saw that. And she took him from me, just like that. One kiss._ " Wiping her tears, she cleared her throat. It felt like she was drowning. " _And even now, I still can't believe it. But then again I can. I was so angry then. Why? Why am I always angry?_ "

She looked at him, pleading for an answer with her eyes. " _What do you want to hear?_ " he asked. It was an awkward situation.

In response, she released a breath and looked down. When the cannonball of her emotions blasted off and the smoke cleared, her anger was substituted for annoyance. " _I want,_ " she started, slowly, " _to hear it wasn't my fault. That I wasn't a guilty party._ "

" _Ummm._ " He muttered. " _You know I can't say that._ "

Her laugh was everything it shouldn't have been: dry, humorless, and weak. " _I know._ "

It didn't take long before her laughing turned into sobbing, and when he got up and moved the pizza, he sat down next down to her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her into his torso.

He knew exactly how she was feeling.

And when she finally finished, she spoke into his chest. " _I asked you last year if I make him happy. I guess we know the answer now._ "

* * *

yeah, everything is getting pretty crazy now. I'm excited though!  
a lot of this chapter focused on the young men in Courtney's life and their effect, hence the title. And for reference, the italicized conversations are past events, not necessarily flashbacks Courtney is actually seeing in the present.

Let me know what you think by leaving a review friends! If not, maybe the follow button is more your style. Thanks again for tuning in, and cheers to the new year!


	6. Confidence (1) Love (1)

Hi everyone! thanks for tuning in for the next chapter of _The Scales of Judgement_. It's been a busy/hectic semester, and is only going to get more insane, so I really haven't had any time to sit down and write! I apologize for that. Anyways, I hope you all have been enjoying the new year so far!

And P.S - I ran into a bit of a wall writing this, and had a bit of trouble putting my words and thoughts together. But, once I started back up on this I began re-reading some of the reviews you all left and it really helped me get back into the groove of it all and reminded me why I began writing this story. That being said, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and happy almost one year anniversary of me starting this journey. There may not be a lot of chapters or words, but I put my heart into all of it and I just want to shed light on Courtney, one of my favorite characters from the series. Thanks a lot to everyone who has read this, and I promise there is more to come. That all being said, here it is!

* * *

She propped the sunglasses onto the top of her head, pushing the thin pieces of her hair away from her eyes. Staring in the bathroom mirror, all she could think about is how ugly she looked. It was a self-destructing behavior she picked up post- _World Tour._ Her self-esteem took a significant beating after she was cheated on. It was something she purposefully hid from the world (a.k.a, the cameras that followed her all the time) and instead disguised those feelings for revenge and anger until she went home, where she properly cried into her pillow like any eighteen-year-old would at the time.

She always heard in her high school hallways of the latest gossip, and scoffed at the girls who cried when they were cheated on, believing high school romance was indeed dead. Yet, she and Duncan were a high school love story set in a different location. It was hypocritical, after she finished crying for the fifth time in two days, and she began to imagine everyone from home watching _the_ episode and laughing with each other.

But now she understood. The age or year or grade doesn't matter. If you like someone, and they choose another person over you, it's one of the worst feelings in the world. And you begin to question your own being, your personality, your looks, everything you once stood for, trying to gather an understanding as to where the intertwined path of two people dating split and why it didn't come back together without breaking hearts.

Courtney loved Duncan. She really did. In the back of her mind, she wouldn't be surprised if she still did, unfortunately. For years, she believed they were made for each other, in some crooked, bent, unimaginable way. Then she disregarded that idea and it was visible during _All Stars_ , where she briefly liked Scott. But Scott is just a farm-boy shadow of who Duncan is. Was. Courtney wasn't sure. It really has been a long time since she had seen anything about Duncan. In the latest parts of the nights though, during the beginnings of summer, it would be too hot to stay in her bedroom, so she would lay on the floor in the living room with the air conditioner on and think about if Duncan still believes she is as beautiful as he would call her when they spent the nights together. Even though the dark bags underneath her eyes exist, and she stopped keeping up with her skin routine, and her hair has a slight dull tone to it. Would he look past all of those things if they were to meet again, and still believe she is beautiful?

And again, Courtney begins another habit drilled into the back of her eyes once she was cheated on. Relying on other's perceptions of herself for self gratitude. Before she went onto the _Total Drama_ series, she already knew she was pretty. But, Duncan showed her how she was beautiful, gorgeous, and any other word of endearment his neanderthal mind would create. He wouldn't say it too often with his words, but with subtle actions and body language spoke to Courtney's eyes.

Unlike Duncan, who was always so poised and smooth, and unsuccessfully so, the women in the bathroom have not even tried to hide their confused and slightly uncomfortable body language and eyes when they look at Courtney stare at herself in the mirror. She figured it had been a few minutes since she moved from her spot on the sink, eyeing every single part of herself. Her olive-colored long-sleeved shirt was a bit wrinkled, and her denim shorts were a bit too loose, but there was nothing she could do about it now.

It had been awhile since she had done this. After she arrived back home for what seemed like the final time, one of her last temper tantrums directed towards herself led to her bedroom mirror being punched and broken, glass shards delicately falling onto the carpet floor or staying inside the mirror. Later that evening, after she finished destroying her room and the adrenaline wore off, Courtney sat in the bathroom on her toilet seat with a pair of tweezers in her hand, silently pulling all of the glass out. It took nearly thirty minutes; she was struggling to focus and had shaky hands. Luckily, she had gauze pads and wrapped her hand up after she finished. When she went to work the next day, she just lied to her coworkers and fabricated a story in which she spilled hot coffee on herself and received burns from it. That was probably one of the last times she looked at herself for longer than a few seconds.

The evening was the most violent Courtney had been in awhile, especially while cameras weren't rolling. It was everything she had pent up from the show for the final time before she fell into what seemed like a permanent dark place. And it wasn't that she had particularly left yet; more-so, getting in contact with Bridgette and Trent again led to her to be distracted from everything she wallowed in sadness for. Which was nice. For what seemed like years she had lost a lot of her motivation to do anything.

Now, she was washing her hands in an airport bathroom, carry-on bag next to her, flying to see Trent as his plus-one for the Canadian Music Awards. Bridgette (seriously, _bless_ that girl) helped her pack the essentials for the very fancy and exciting occasion, though it left Courtney with more anxiety than anything. This would be the first time Courtney would have cameras on her in a long time. As she left the bathroom, and walked to her gate, she thought about Trent's success. It made her feel inferior about her own lack of accomplishments and lack of motivation to do anything besides the necessities in life.

* * *

 _"I miss the determined Courtney. The one that would do so much for first place or to get a job promotion."_

 _"Bridgette, I work at a coffee-shop. How far up can I go?"_ The brunette responded over the phone, staring at her ceiling. _"And I hurt people when I'm determined, and become heartless, and it makes me hate myself so much at the end of the day."_

 _"So find a way to compartmentalize it. Or take into consideration other's opinions when you want to be a leader. We're a team."_ Her best friend replied.

Courtney sighed. _"Were. We were a team. Now it's just me, against the world."_

 _"You have me, too! I'm always on your side, Courtney. You know that."_

She smiled at her blonde friend. It kind of was her and Bridge against the world, she guessed.

* * *

Sunglasses back on her face, Courtney let the strands of thin brunette hair fall onto her forehead and she rolled her carry-on bag to her assigned gate which would take her to Vancouver. Thanks to Trent she was sitting in first class and it was a straight flight, a gift she accepted without any rebuttal or arguments. For a few moments, she wondered how Trent even booked the flight so quickly, considering the big event and how crazy airports could be. This was no exception.

Several, if not, hundreds of people were rushing to their flights. Some with children, others with pets, or they were alone. It wasn't complete chaos, but if the airport was any smaller Courtney believed her hair would frizz up from all the people pushing beside her. And, unfortunately for her, once she did arrive at her gate, there was no where to sit. So she was forced to stand by the help desk, impatiently tapping her foot.

A few people glanced in her general direction, but reverted back to their cell phones and social media apps to mindlessly graze through their friends and friends of their friends' post.

Under the impression people were staring at her for several seconds too long, Courtney quickly quit the foot tapping and pulled out her phone. She chose to text her best friend, informing the blonde that she was close to boarding the plane and how the airport was too crowded. The texting went back and forth until it was finally time to board the plane.

* * *

The other people catching the same plane as Courtney were eager to get on, and took no time finding their seats and smiling at the flight attendant staff as they got on. Courtney smiled plastically at them, excited to take a nap and hoping she woke up as they were landing. Her seat appeared almost as quickly as she boarded the plane, and she plopped down in the window seat, pushed her bag underneath the seat in front of her, and pulled out her headphones, plugging them into her phone.

A woman sat down next to the brunette as she performed these actions. Out of the corner of her eye, Courtney glanced at her pasty, yet porcelain skin and short bobbed black hair.

The woman turned and smiled at Courtney, who lightly smiled in a quick, short response.

Then, before she got ahead of herself and her thoughts, she pushed her sunglasses back up the bridge of her nose, put on the downloaded music playlist she created for the flight, and closed her eyes, trying to drift into a somewhat simpler dream. She didn't even bother to try and listen to the safety features offered on the plane.

* * *

When the brunette woke up, they were still in the air, but the pilot announced over the PA system installed in the plane that they would be arriving in Vancouver in about an hour. As she shifted her body more towards the right, Courtney could see the woman next to her was reading a book on her Kindle. So, she decided it would be okay if she opened up the little window so she could see outside. Courtney opened the window cover with little assistance, but quickly shut her temporarily sensitive eyes to the bright world outside of her.

There was barely a sky to view. The plane appeared to be flying through clouds; the outside was foggy and not visible. Yet, Courtney still stared outside the window. It was an absolute bright gray with no light on the other side. Consistent in color, the young woman could only assume it would be a cloudy or partly sunny day in this part of Canada.

She wondered what was on the other side. A blue sky, of course, but it was still stimulating for the brain to connect neurons together and internally discuss all the endless possibilities of the sky. To find a clear-cut answer with all other options disproved kept Courtney awake as she continued to watch the emptiness of the clouds she alongside her fellow passengers flew through.

Her music continued to play, and it was unfortunate her music application didn't have a timer option available so she would stop wasting her battery when she was asleep. The playlist consisted of twenty or so songs. Most were slow songs, some about love, others geared towards lost. A sleepy mix that could lure anyone to sleep.

" _It's still raining, up here._ _Everybody seems so far away from me._ " The song played in her ears, the voice airy and melodic, a sadder emotion breaking through.

In some sense, Courtney could relate to the view from her seat. She's had a lot of foggy thoughts recently. Yet, at the same time, everything was black and white. While on the television show, the ex-contestant didn't really grasp an idea on it. Once she was eliminated and returned home, the connecting dots were less abstract and more point A to point B. Somehow, this still led her back to discovering how much of a complex person she was. And even with these newly confident beliefs and discoveries, there was no arrow telling her where to go from there. No particular direction was given to the girl as she restlessly laid in bed and continued the drawn out early-twenties-minimum-wage-job role. In other words, she was just as lost now as she was when she arrived home.

None of it really made sense to her. She tried, with little success, to prop her elbow up on the tiny space between the window and the wall on the plane. Were her blue skies on the other side of whatever direction she was heading to? Or were there just more clouds she would have to dissolve?

As one thought seamlessly lead into the next, Courtney pouted a bit and sighed into the window. She didn't stop thinking, unfortunately. Now, her thoughts circled around the idea of _if_ she were to, theoretically, find her blue skies, who would standing there with her.

Bridgette, of course. That one is a given, considering how much crap Courtney gives her and she continues to roll with the sad, weak punches. She is her best friend, her platonic other half. And, by association, Geoff will probably be there too. Though it's been years since the two last directly spoke, Geoff will always stand by Bridgette. And Courtney knew she would always stand by Bridgette too, so they would always be connected through the blonde surfer. At one point, Courtney imagined Geoff like an annoying little brother who brought an unique perspective to everything he saw.

Trent would more than likely be there too. What Bridgette didn't know about Courtney, Trent probably did. The two of them holster a heavy weight on their shoulders that not many others can. If it wasn't for the _Total Drama_ Franchise, the two of them would have never met, and Courtney isn't exactly sure if she could see a life without him. He brings out the emotion in the brunette woman, which is done by expressing his own feelings and tearing down any egotistical masculinity traits he never actually had.

If Courtney could compare her two closest friends in a single sentence, she would say Bridgette allows her to _say_ what she feels, but Trent helps her to really _feel_ it. The two are an unstoppable team, and have seem to taken part in helping Courtney rebuild herself.

Unfortunately, that's how far the list goes, as of right now. In her mind, she knows there are a few (or just one) more people to add, but that would indicate that there was a past willing to be mended for the future, and Courtney wasn't sure if she was ready to acknowledge the density of their presence in her head.

But even with them, there was an alienation she forced herself to recreate after _World Tour_. Dating Duncan helped her come outside for a bit and breathe air with other people. Before that, she was stone made smooth: nice to the touch but still stone. Hard, cold, and stiff. And after being betrayed by the delinquent, the ex-contestant rebuilt her stone with extra layers of brick and concrete, just in case. She was jealous of the people around her who adapted so well to personal tragedies. Sometimes she wondered if at night, after greeting everyone with a smile, those people still hate what they see when they look in the mirror, just like Courtney did. The entire idea of faking your exterior to soothe your interior is exhausting, yet is a habit hard to break.

The brunette's vision began to refocus from the clouds to herself in the window. She took her sunglasses off and folded them in her hands.

* * *

Courtney was really happy she only had her carry-on bag with her instead of an entire suitcase. She was able to skip the worst part about flying to another place: the possibility of losing your luggage or waiting forever to obtain it.

As soon as the plane touched land, she turned her phone off airplane mode and texted Trent, informing him of her arrival. He responded almost immediately, saying he had a friend waiting for her close to the baggage claim, because he would be stuck at a photo shoot for the next hour or so. After their short conversation, she texted her parents and Bridgette, explaining her very safe and quick flight. All responded happily, Bridgette specifically with a few emojis to showcase her excitement and happiness.

Again, Courtney smiled at the flight attendants and the pilots when she hustled off of the plane, feeling extremely foreign in a city she hadn't visited in a long time. Following the crowds, she found herself being lead towards the baggage claim easily in the large airport. The girl wasn't particularly sure if it was because of her past celebrity status or just an instinct feeling, but as she walked through the airport she felt the presence of paparazzi all around her. An uncomfortable feeling sat in her stomach, so she put on her sunglasses.

For the most part, the walk was uneventful, with the occasional celebrity being bombarded by paparazzi or a family simply running to their gate before missing their flight. Finally, the baggage claim was appearing before her.

"Courtney Otero?" A voice erupted in the young adult's head.

She turned around to see a man she didn't recognize standing behind her as she waited in line for the escalator. With him was a camera man. Once he called her name out, a few other people turned their heads to look at the interaction. Awkwardly, she looked around for an escape route, before realizing her only other option were the three flights of stairs.

"It really is you! Courtney Otero, former contestant of the reality television series _Total Drama Island_ , _Action_ , _World Tour_ , and _All Stars_! What're you doing here in Vancouver?!" The man began throwing questions at Courtney, which didn't give her a lot of time to respond.

Like a domino effect, other reporters and paparazzi with camera began hoarding towards the brunette, asking her the same questions about the _Total Drama Reunion_ and her reasons for being in town.

Her glasses were on, so they couldn't see the panic in her eyes nor feel the anxiety quickly forming in her stomach. So she did the only thing she could have possibly thought of:

She pushed through the small crowd, constantly saying " _excuse me_ " until she was free from camera shutters and questions, and booked it towards the stairs, where she quickly and perfectly double-stepped down all three flights of steps until she hit the bottom. More than half of the crowd followed her down the stairs, much slower due to their lack of athleticism. The brunette didn't stop jogging until she made it into the baggage claim. The echo of her name being called could still be heard as she looked for Trent's supposed friend.

Almost suddenly, she was pulled by her arm and out the doors, and thrown into a sleek black car. The stranger sped walked into the driver's seat and pulled off, beginning to drive.

Everything had happened so fast that Courtney hadn't had the opportunity to stop her head from spinning.

Before she could call the police or begin to scream, the man began to speak. "Before you do anything, I want to let you know that I am picking you up for Trent."

This silenced her before she could speak.

The man continued to talk, chocolate-colored hands comfortably holding onto the steering wheel. "My name is Charlie, and I am one of Trent's body guards. A please to meet you Miss Garcia, and my apologies about the lack of introduction in the airport, but it seemed like you were in a bit of a situation."

"A washed up reality tv-girl can't just walk in an airport anymore." Courtney sighed, leaning into the cushioned and comfortable seats. Charlie chuckled at her. "I'm serious," she complained, almost child-like, "I thought I was behind all this three years ago."

Courtney clicked her seatbelt on as she stared outside the window, watching the city distance itself away from her vision the farther they drove.

Talking even-toned, Charlie glanced at her from the rearview mirror. "Trent said the exact same thing to me once he realized he had to hire bodyguards. He wasn't aware of his popularity at the time, until it was near-impossible for him to go anywhere outside of his house without cameras following him."

She laughed with ease. "That's just Trent though. He can be so unaware of his surroundings sometimes. Tell me," Courtney started, turning her head to look at the back of Charlie's, "is Trent still as much of a clumsy goofball as I have seen him to be?"

"Without a doubt. He is just as silly as ever. Even with all the fame surrounding him, nothing about him has changed since I began working for him." Charlie shook his head.

This made Courtney smile, and eager to see her friend after over a year Trent-drought.

* * *

The duo arrived at the extremely large home nearly forty-five minutes later. It was absolutely grand, yet kept the feeling of a home on the exterior. It wasn't too much, but indirectly screamed "I'm rich!". Exactly like Trent.

And speaking of, the young man was sitting outside on the stairs leading up to the home. His ebony-colored hair seemed to be in the exact same place as always, as his olive skinned looked close to perfection. His dark colored jeans looked to fit him comfortably as he stood up at the arrival of the car. The only difference between Trent from the television series and Trent standing several feet away from Courtney was his shirt, which was a plain white t-shirt.

When the car stopped, Charlie turned it off and stepped out, preparing to open the door for Courtney. Yet, before he could do so she nearly-ran out of it herself. Her running sneakers automatically led herself towards the boy, who raced down the stairs to meet her halfway.

In a similar way to when she was able to see Bridgette after months, her heart temporarily stopped when she saw Trent. She missed him. It was obvious. Their embrace was one of siblings reuniting after several years of distance: long and necessary. The taller adult even made the decision to pick Courtney up off of her feet and swing her around.

"Let me down Trent!" The ex-contestant giggled, gripping her arms around his neck tightly.

His laugh was deeper, but still as airy as before, repeating "Okay, okay" before finally placing her back on solid ground and placing his hands on her shoulders. "I'm really happy you're here Court. I miss you." He spoke into her eyes.

It meant a lot for Courtney to hear someone say that to her. It seemed like a rarity until recently, where people were beginning to photograph her again as she was out in public. But, Trent spoke with meaning behind his voice. "I missed you too Trent." She smiled at him, genuinely smiling for the first time all day.

"Thank you so much Charlie. I appreciate it, dude." Trent looked behind Courtney to the tall man standing straight by the car.

He nodded his head, before walking past the two and into the home.

Wrapping his arm around Courtney's neck, the ex-contestant turned them towards the stairs and they began to walk up them, as Trent began talking. "So, what's this I hear about racing down stairs in the airport about an hour ago?"

All the other ex-contestant could do is groan into her hands, shaking her head.

* * *

Courtney placed her bag and her purse down in the guest room she was sleeping in for the next two days. The queen-sized bed looked a hundred times more comfortable than the measly bed she slept in every night back in her apartment. The clean wooden vanity had beautiful patterns sculpted into it, but the mirror was a bit dusty, allowing Courtney to infer that not too many people came in here.

There were no decorations in the room, though there were a few plants and pictures scattered throughout the home. It seemed that Trent was not only a simple guy, but a simpler interior decorator as well. Somehow, though, she felt way more at home here than in her apartment, where it was mostly dark and she confined herself to her bedroom or the living room.

The brunette decided to leave her room and wander around the property, locating a few bathrooms and other bedrooms. Downstairs the majority of the furniture was charcoal, dark green, and wooden. One of the few exceptions was the coffee table in the living room, where it was mostly made up of glass. As she walked through the living room, the television was on, and Courtney had to admit she wasn't sure how shocked she was to see a picture of herself on it.

" _Ex-Total Drama Contestant Courtney Otero was spotted a couple hours ago walking through our Vancouver Airport._ " The woman read to a group of other colleagues in a newsroom, staring at a piece of paper. " _This is the second time people were able to photograph Courtney, the first time in two years being a few days ago alongside Bridgette Harrington. There are rumors surrounding her appearance on the upcoming Total Drama Reunion too, which she has yet to formally accept the invitation to._ " The reporter stopped reading and looked towards her colleagues..

A blonde male looked excited. " _Ugh! I looooved Courtney, and I missed her presence so much. She was such a powerhouse._ "

" _More like a diva._ " Another person commented. " _She was one of, if not, the most annoying people on that show. I hope she's toned it down a couple notches if she plans on attending the reunion._ "

The original woman who read the article, and creepily looked like a familiar annoying blonde reporter, barged in the discussion. " _But let's remember Courtney has been off the grid for almost two years. Who knows if she'll actually attend the reunion._ "

" _I think she will,_ " A African-Canadian woman talked, scrolling on her phone, " _She recently made her Instagram public after two years, allowing over one-hundred followers access to her old pictures as of a few minutes ago. She also has been active on her Snapchat, as her snapscore went up recently._ "

In all reality, this made the brunette feel especially uncomfortable in the situation she put herself in. In a matter of days she had gone from nearly forgotten to back in the mouths of reporters. This led to people voicing their opinions about her and that was the last thing Courtney believed she needed.

Not willing to hear anything more, she continued walking through the house until she was outside, a large, empty backyard area. There were some lawn chairs outside, and even though it was hot, the brunette still decided to stay outside.

It was a partly cloudy day. The ex-contestant watched the clouds move as her thoughts wandered back to the broadcast. There was a part of her that wanted to look up who was attending the reunion, looking through the familiar names for a sign that maybe she should go. Even though she told her friends she would consider attending, the young adult was still heavily on the fence. What would people see if she stepped out of the car? It was more-so _who_ would they see.

She heard the sliding door close as she sat up a bit more and turned to her right, watching her friend bring out two bottles of water and sit in the chair next to Courtney.

He held the bottle out to her, which she graciously took and opened. "Thanks."

"What're you thinking about?" He asked, sitting up in the chair, feet firmly placed in the ground.

Courtney took her sunglasses off. "Myself." She answered in a simple manner. "Just myself."

The guitarist took a drink from his water bottle. "I feel that. You shouldn't beat yourself up, though."

This led the other musician to glance at Trent. "What do you mean, beat myself up?"

"I heard them talking about you on my tv, and I know you heard them too." He began, making a disgusted face. "It wasn't cool. But you know you're great, right?"

While Trent continued to speak, all it did was make Courtney feel worse about herself. Before the reality television show, she knew how perfect she perceived herself to be. Watching her glaring flaws on international television was not a beautiful sight to behold.

"-and you know there are still people out there that love you Court. Other than Bridge and I, you have fans and loved ones that care about you." Trent finished, awaiting her response.

She turned and looked at Trent, who didn't have his usual goofy smile plastered on his face. "You know," she paused, trying to rearrange her thoughts, "when I was a kid, my mom always told me I would never be able to love anyone until I learned to love myself." It wasn't a frightening thought when she was younger, because her parents always told her how she came from an intelligent and successful family. She continued to speak, "For awhile, I believed that I loved myself. Gave myself self-confidence talks and ignored anyone who thought differently of me. Then I got to the island."

Courtney smiled at Trent, though it didn't reach her eyes. "As odd as this is going to sound, Duncan actually showed me love. Yeah, we were young and put in a weird situation but I actually saw what it was like to be loved by someone. And I felt it, I really did. But," she frowned, holding her head in the palm of her left arm and she laid her elbow on her leg, "but that didn't help me love myself. Which was annoying, because I hated when my mom told me that. And it wasn't that I hated myself, I just didn't know myself. I molded myself to be what my parents wanted and who I believed I should've been."

"Do you know what love is?" He asked after a few moments.

"Does anyone?" The brunette quickly retorted.

The two laughed at that.

"It's easy to think you _do_ , though. But it's even worse when the person you thought loved you doesn't." She shrugged her shoulders. Talking about the entire situation with Trent became much easier as the years passed. It still hurt, but it was starting to become like a movie ticket left out: faded and old. "Then you look internally at yourself and question it all, and at the end of it you're back to square one."

The ebony-haired young adult starting biting his lip, a habit he still hasn't been able to kick. "I don't see a reason for some people to dwell on it, though." He commented. "Love comes and goes, that's life. We learn to move on. Humans are daredevils emotionally. Even if we vow to never love again or figure out what love is, there are times where we can't really help it. The timing of it all varies from person to person, of course, but at the end of the day, love is always there.

"It also helps you understand yourself." He continued. "What are you with and without love, and what is it that contributed to the problems. Learning to resolve issues internally and externally. How is it that what we were told or what we've seen could affect the way we view relationships and how to we learn to peel off the toxicity of it in order to move on?"

This left Courtney in a sort of stunned silence. The psychological analyzation behind it all was astounding, and it was easily known Trent had thought about this all before. At the same time, this all allowed her to think about herself and where she fell in it all. Once she lost love, she felt deranged. But it seemed all of that could be due to the insecurities she never acknowledged as a child, and then teenager. Being unable to break through the solid exterior her parents helped build for her had dire consequences. She couldn't blame all of it on her childhood though. She naturally was a competitive person, striving for the best for herself.

All in all, the things about herself she's only recently recognized in the past year or two were always there, but she never got the opportunity to improve herself.

The Latina turned and looked at Trent. "This past year I learned something new about myself because I started listening to my brain and what it was saying. I know I can be hardheaded at times, but once I took the backseat of my own car, it was all enlightening. But, I started believing I wasn't worthy of love because of who I am."

"Everyone is worthy of love."

"I know that now. And I wish that I had learned all of this instead of continuously being self-deprecating."

Trent smiled, and leaned back into the chair. "Don't worry, Court. You're strong, and learn information really fast. I know you'll figure it out soon."

Also stretching out in the lawn, she asked him, "Figure what out?"

"How to love yourself."

And with that being spoken into existence, the two laid in silence underneath the summer sky, enjoying the silent company of each other.

* * *

Hi all! Thanks a lot for reading this chapter. Like I said, I got in the groove of things and ended up writing way more than I was intending to, and even though there isn't a lot of plot, things will start moving in the upcoming chapters. This chapter and the next are going to focus a lot on Courtney's self confidence and how she perceives herself compared to how the world sees her.

It's crazy because the final scene of this chapter I wrote two different times (both easily with 400 words), but each time it ended up deleted because I accidentally backspaced too much, so this was the third I had written it. Each time I had the conversation placed somewhere else in the house, so I figured it was a sign to maybe take it outside, haha.

One more thing, if anyone was wondering, the short song lyrics I used is from "Look On Down From The Bridge" by Mazzy Star. I had been watching a lot of Rick and Morty before and during writing this chapter. Lol.

As always, leave a review and tell me what you think! If that's not your style, than maybe the follow button is more for you. Either way, thank you soooo much for reading. I hope you've all enjoyed the first half of 2018 (which is going by crazy fast) and I'll see you all at the next chapter!


	7. Confidence (2)

Hi everyone! It's been quite some time, but the semester is over and why not take some time to write a new chapter. I am not sure how well this chapter competes against the other ones. I think I struggled with the dialogue a bit, so please forgive me.

The 1975's new album helped me write this, in some ways. Then I did some research for other parts, watched scenes from older episodes, and here we are.

Anyways, I hope you enjoy it! And I hope everyone has had an enjoyable second half of the year!

* * *

She kept hearing her name. Someone was calling it again, and again, and again. With every increasing heartbeat came the two syllables she had accustomed to identifying as her name. A phantom of brunette hair spinning back in forth in a room of shadows, no faces were recognizable. As a matter of fact, there were no faces at all. It was as if she was stuck in a four-sided shape with no entrance of exit.

The feeling of hearing her name summons a nostalgia that, for a long time, seemed distant. Never believing to hear it again, but it is here. A simple repeating chant of "Courtney" is lighting a fuse in her head. What does the voice sound like? It was deep, it was cold-no, it was hot. _Wait, warm_? A thought erupted through the frame. Then, suddenly, there was silence.

In the absence of voices filling the hushed shadows one by one, there was nothing to hide from. Here, a breeze began to pick up. It left goosebumps, and Courtney finally looked down to see her arms for the first time since coming here. Clenching her hands and then letting them be, she rubbed her arms, letting the sensation resonate. Once there were no longer any sounds, it was easy for one to become bare, letting clear and light air hit skin. There was finally an allowance of body and mind reveling in peace.

Courtney looked up and saw herself. Chestnut hair falling to her collarbone, onyx eyes staring straight ahead, caramel skin following the movements given to it. She leaned forward and fell into the air, onto the ground. When she looked down, she saw the darkness underneath her eyes, the paleness in her skin, the dainty texture of her hair. Yet, when she looked up, she recognized her freckles decorating her nose, the rosiness of her lips; so, looking straight ahead, and seeing nothing was unnerving to her. Her reflection disappeared and left a cloudy mission.

Oddly, the young woman felt herself paralyzed with fear. Her reflections slowly transformed from her full figure to the parts of her she felt even the slightest self-hatred towards. Her nose, her eyes, her fingers arrived first. Then, they began to slowly morph into words; different personality traits arose and glared at Courtney. It left a flushed face looking straight ahead.

* * *

Blinking, Courtney slowly watched herself put the finishing touches on her lips through applying a clear lip-gloss. Once she finished, she stared at herself in the bathroom mirror.

Trent wanted to hire a makeup artist to help Courtney, but she appealed the decision almost immediately, insisting she could do it herself.

" _Trent,_ " She began, putting her hands on her hips, " _I've done my own makeup for years. Trust me, I can do this one myself. I would prefer if I did it anyways_."

There wasn't much of an argument from the nominated musician, hence he knew little about the craft of makeup and followed Courtney orders.

Courtney lightly rubbed her lips togethers and stared at herself in the mirror. She went for a more natural look, settling on eyeshadow that complimented and exaggerated her dark eyes and a little blush to highlight her face. The chestnut locks dangled and spun in loose curls past her shoulders; they moved effortlessly when she moved her head. Courtney couldn't stop staring at herself.

She looked pretty.

This was a rare feeling. And it may be because she put so much work into her makeup and would restart if she felt as if she messed up even in the slightest, but when she looked at herself she couldn't help but allow a smile. Courtney was rebuilding the belief she was attractive without makeup, and knew this to be true, but sometimes putting makeup on made her feel even better.

It was something she rarely was able to do with anyone except for one other old friend. But that was when it was them against the world, sitting in airplane chairs giggling about everything and then some. Before it got worse. Bridgette never used makeup unless it was for an important event, and Courtney wasn't known to have any other female friends, so that only left a single other option.

Quickly, she turned around and put her dress on. It was long, a dark olive long-sleeved dress. Though it reached the floor, there was a long slit that exposed part of Courtney's right leg. The V-neck allowed Courtney to wear a thin, lengthy, silver necklace to decorate her upper chest, and the bottom half of the dress was layered, so when she walked it flowed behind her like royalty. The dress accentuated her hips by wrapping at her lower hips. Once she zipped up the back, she sat in the dainty, older chair in front of the vanity and put her shoes on. They were simple black heels that tied at the back of her ankles. Finally, when she finished, she stood up, and moved backwards to see her entire body.

"Damn." She mumbled to herself in shock, slowly spinning to find something to criticize about her current outfit. Fortunately, there was little.

A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts. "Come in!" She welcomed, flattening the top of her dress.

Her friend stepped in, covering his eyes, a smile on his face. "Are you decent or should I keep them covered?" He asked playfully.

Before answering, Courtney gave Trent an up-and-down look. His tuxedo was fitted well and made him look more mature. The only detail that allowed anyone to know the two were going together was his tie; it was long, thin, and a simple olive green that matched his date's dress. Shoes shined and hair not overly-gelled, Courtney could admit Trent looked really good.

"You can look at me, I am dressed." She responded, a blush of shyness hitting her face. Suddenly, she felt embarrassed.

Uncovering his eyes, Trent looked at Courtney. "You look absolutely stunning, Court." He whispered, looking at her before looking at _her_. Taking a step forward, he continued to speak. "A lot of people like to wear all types of crazy stuff to the red carpet in order to be noticed, but I believe simplicity is the most beautiful, and you fit that to a T." He wrapped his arm around hers, which she happily accepted.

She smiled back at Trent. Courtney forgot what it felt like to be complimented by the opposite gender. Even though it was Trent, someone she considered a confidant and a brother, it still meant a lot to her. "Thank you, Trent. And thank you, for paying for the dress, though you really didn't need to. And the flight, and-"

"Courtney, Courtney." Trent interrupted. "There's no need to thank me, I'm just happy my friend is here with me. It's the least I could do for all the times you've been there for me. I wanted to thank you for coming to this with me. I know it was a fight to even come all the way out."

Sometimes, the Latina gets flashbacks to the long conversations between the two of them. There were the many times they would walk over to each other's hotel rooms, and even the couple of times Trent hung out in-between seasons. In her mind, Courtney perceived herself to be the one that talked the most about her problems and how the world is against her, but there were even the few moments where Trent was a bit bratty too. A lot of that was years ago, when he still felt like he deserved his ex-girlfriend more than Courtney's ex-boyfriend. Most of that energy transitioned from outward to internal, and he began to be self-deprecating. Re-watching the _Aftermath_ segments from _Total Drama Action_ , it became easier for Courtney to notice Trent's feign adjustment from missing his ex to being comfortable with the heaps of fangirls surrounding him (an ode to two specific former contestants).

Things picked up once he joined that band with some other former contestants, and from what Courtney could see he was genuinely enjoying himself and making music again. Once that ended, he found himself back into a corner, but poked holes in a dark room through making music. At this point, though, Courtney was beginning her unfortunate free-fall into solitude, so a lot of their usual contact was lost in unsent messages and phone calls.

"C'mon, the car is waiting outside, but we can wait if you need to." Trent continued to talk.

For a long time, she was petrified by these moments. Where the cameras were inevitable and learning how to properly speak to a large collective. So many eyes on her once again, but no longer as a teenager. She made those mistakes, and now, in her twenties, the tightrope is thinner and the audience is wider. She perceived herself as someone capable for this type of job, especially talking and persuading people. And then for awhile she was unsure. Sitting in her apartment left a sort of restlessness on her heart; the late nights staying awake and the lack of contact with almost anyone regarding her past hit harder than it should have, but it also taught her a lot. _I am not sure I am ready for this_ Courtney thought.

She turned and looked at herself in the vanity quickly, once more. "What do we need to wait for, Trent?" She looked at him, a smile he recognized as reminiscent of Courtney from the television show. "I've never been more ready."

The two descended down the stairs and to the front doors, which were opened, allowing a soft breeze to settle in the home.

And they both knew this was not the truth, but for this moment, it is okay.

* * *

The car ride was mostly quiet, with a few open-ended conversations here and there.

"I know it's only been like, two days, but I miss Bridgette." Courtney gave a soft smile at the glass of champagne she was delicately holding. Rarely did she indulge in vices like drinking, but tonight called for a celebration of Trent and everything he has accomplished. According to Trent, the bottle was a gift from his record label, and cost quiet a pretty penny.

The two sat across from each other in the spacious limousine. It had been some time since Courtney last sat in one of these, and it brought back silly teenaged memories of excitement.

Already finishing most of his glass, Trent sat it in a holder beside him and leaned forward, listening intently to what Courtney was saying. "She is your best friend, of course you miss her."

The young woman took a slow sip of her champagne. "I know that, and I know that I should be used to her not being around, but I dunno, I realized how much I missed her." She paused. "And you too, Trent! I'm really happy to be here."

"I know what you mean." He waved off her awkwardness. "Don't worry, you and Bridgette are unstoppable. Plus I knew to give you some space, I know you Court." He started to bite hip lip, "I just wish I was there for you still. I was genuinely concerned when rumors were beginning about crazy mishaps, like you being dead. Which I knew wasn't true, of course, and I should've reached out, really. Everything got so busy, and then the album dropping and planning a world tour, and Gw-"

Quickly, Courtney cut him off. She reached her foot across and playfully kicked the side of his leg. "Trent, calm down, you're rambling." She retracted her leg and looked anywhere but at him, pretending she didn't cut him off on purpose when she did. "Communication is a two-way street, I understand that. I'm sorry for not reaching out either, I should have, especially because I knew about all this great music and I listened to your album. It's really good." She shrugged her shoulders as the other musician looked at her shocked. "Bridgette was shocked to see all your nominations for today, and I was at first, but then it all made sense. Your album is really inspiring and honest. I'm honored to be here with you."

A long time ago, it would have taken a lot of prying for Courtney to release a comment of endearment and admit talent. Originally, she believed her friend to be a wanna-be rock star the way he always carried his guitar and even in the beginnings of _Action_ she steered clear of him. He was a nice guy, just a bit too nice. He also allowed his feelings to dictate his presence while still on the show, which Courtney didn't realize would be a hypocritical thought until she was eliminated from _World Tour_. During the _Aftermath_ , when he performed _that_ song (which ultimately brought Bridgette and Geoff back together), Courtney could really feel the emotion, even through the simplicity of the lyrics. No one would believe that she was the one to reach out to him first during their time away from competing, but once she recognized there were other talented people shifting through similar emotions, it was almost a no brainer. It was easy to understand being confident in one's own talents and, at the same time, being able to acknowledge other's too, once she became friends with the fellow musician.

"I didn't know you listened to my album." Trent commented, a bit taken aback.

"Of course I listened to it Trent." Courtney raised an eyebrow. "I wasn't completely living under a rock. I have ears."

Trent chuckled, which led Courtney to let out a laugh as well. "No I know that, I just didn't know. I'm glad you liked it though. You used to be my toughest critic, y'know."

Finishing her glass, Courtney set it down and tapped her chin lightly with a painted fingernail, looking at the ceiling of the limousine. "Well, speaking of criticizing," she began, sounding a bit serious, before looking at Trent and letting out a grin.

This time, he allowed a hearty laugh to escape him. "What do you have for me this time?"

And they began a discussion and a back-and-forth conversation about one of the main things that brought them together: music.

* * *

"Courtney? Are you ready?"

Unsure of the face she was making, Courtney turned and looked at Trent, who was standing outside of the limousine, hand outstretched towards her.

Behind him, she could hear the camera shutters, and people talking-no, screaming. They were calling for him, loudly.

When she looked at him, she could see her own hands shaking out of nervousness. She clenched and unclenched them, before taking a deep breath and allowing a small competitive smile to match the one Trent wore once he saw her get in her comfortable headspace. And they both knew it was a façade, a break of character, something to hide the last few months of her life, but right now, it was all okay.

She took his hand, and stepped out of the limo, releasing his hand to press her dress down, before looking up at the cameras and the two began their red carpet walk.

* * *

" _You looked beautiful, Sweetheart._ " She had wished she heard her mother say that, at least once. She never recorded the interviews, the red carpet walks, and her father rarely asked about the event itself. The few exceptions would be if it were for a charity event, in which his dark eyebrows and near-black eyes would refocus from his book to her and comment about those looked good for college applications.

In her room, before she moved out, Courtney recorded all the red carpets and watched herself specifically. The way her dress fit, glared when her smile wasn't perfect enough, and shook her head for every misplaced hair. She watched for all of it. After _World Tour_ , there wasn't much to look for considering she stopped making appearances. Every now and again she would still watch those award shows for Bridgette, and Trent, and one or two other people here and there, but ultimately decided to catch up on who looked good and who didn't the next morning in a national tabloid.

There came a point when she really stopped looking at herself. She didn't care. Breaking her mirror gave a temporary peace that left her unsettled hours afterward. Courtney felt broken, humiliating herself over-and-over again and being humiliated unknowingly while everyone else in the world watched, armed with popcorn.

For a long time, she was unsure as to how she was going to recover.

* * *

She kept hearing her name.

So many people were calling her name, the familiar two-syllable sound.

In response, she turned and smiled, and waved.

Her stomach hurt. Of course, one part of her wanted to have fun, and have fun with Trent, who was waving at the photographers as well and smiling. The other half of her wanted to scream. The mixed feeling of being perfect or just running away combined and made Courtney a bit queasy.

"Over here Trent!"

"Courtney, give us a smile!"

Though her hair was perfectly set, she still automatically put some of it behind her ear. She wondered what she looked like right out, or if everyone could tell how nervous she was.

Standing beside her, and arms locked, Trent whispered in her ear. "I'm good, just getting used to the flashes." Courtney responded, not really hearing what he had asked in the first place. Her answer seemed to suffice his question, since he began to stand straight again and lead them down the carpet.

The young woman wanted to turn around and see if anyone was walking behind them, but her current challenge was getting one foot in front of the other. Soon enough, they walked into the arena, where they were quickly pulled aside onto a platform.

"Trent Rivers, hello darling!" An older woman greeted, and they kissed cheeks. Then she turned to Courtney, and her smile got much wider. "And Courtney Otero, well, it sure has been awhile since we have seen you. You look absolutely divine."

Courtney and Trent separated and Courtney reached forward and gave the woman a light kiss on the cheek, before stepping backwards. "Thank you, and good evening Joan. How are you? You look very nice." She politely asked, complimenting her.

She could feel the cameras edging closer and closer to her and Trent. Joan Callow is an extremely well-known interviewer and commentator for MTV, Courtney remembered; she has been known to interview and connect with many celebrities in the entertainment industry not only in Canada, but the United States as well. One of her many primes erupted during the _Total Drama_ era, so she was a familiar face to both the musicians. Courtney wasn't sure how Trent felt about her, but she personally had no opinion of the woman. She should've known running into an interviewer was inevitable.

"Well, shouldn't I be asking _you_ that, Miss?" Joan cackled. "Tell us, what exactly have you been doing between your last appearance in _Total Drama: All Stars_ and appearing as a nice eye-candy to one of our most nominated artist tonight? What exactly is going on between the two of you?" She winked at Trent.

Fully aware of the woman's age made Courtney a bit uncomfortable by the gesture. "Well," she began, smiling at the interviewer, "I've just been reflecting and working. Nothing too crazy. Trent invited me to come with him today-"

"Which you said yes to, after being almost untraceable and presumed dead!" Joan commented, interrupting the brunette.

Continuing to smile, Courtney could feel Trent's eyes on her, and knowing Trent, he wanted to give a physical sign of endearment. Unfortunately, now was not the time. And then, he was whisked away by another interviewer a few feet away, who was peering into details about his performance for later today. Looking at Trent, she returned her eyes to Joan and laughed awkwardly. "Yeah, I heard about those rumors recently. Those were pretty silly to believe, I was just taking some time to myself. And to return to your final question," she looked behind Joan one more time, "I'm very grateful to have a friend like Trent in my life." Thinking about him, and Bridgette, made Courtney feel more comfortable.

Joan nodded, and smiled some more. "Right, of course. Just friends. So, Courtney, tell me, have you talked to any of the past contestants since your last appearance in the franchise? And what about the reunion? It seems like you're one of the few ex-contestants no one knows about! What's that about?"

Inwardly, Courtney knew this was going to be brought up. It seemed like everyone was interested in the reunion all of the sudden, which is odd considering how many different styles of _Total Drama_ had been produced since the original. Was she confident enough to commit to attending the reunion in this very moment?

"Well, other than Trent, I talk to Bridgette." Courtney started, smiling at the camera, specifically for her best friend. "She's my best friend."

"Naturally, you two hit it off in the original _Total Drama Island_. And we _all_ saw you two together just last week!" Joan commented, reminding Courtney of their lunch when Bridgette told Courtney she was engaged.

Nodding, Courtney continued, "Yeah, we were catching up. She's actually the one who told me about the reunion happening. I didn't know until last week." She laughed awkwardly again. "I haven't been checking my email or mail regularly." She used a basic, vague excuse.

"Oh, honey, I completely understand. My email looks like a tornado hit it." Joan sent an understanding hand wave of dismissal towards Courtney. "But, it doesn't seem like you're too caught up in it! So I should tell you, other than you, there are only two other people who haven't responded to the invitation as of this morning." Courtney focused on the gray hairs fighting against the bleached blonde hair of the woman. "We have you, Miss Courtney Otero, Mr. Justin Mahoe, and Mr. Duncan Wilde."

If Joan was expecting a reaction out of Courtney, she knew exactly how to do it.

The young woman looked from Joan's hair to her eyes to anywhere else she could, and suddenly, she felt uncomfortable. "Oh," she began, pressing down on her dress and then crossing her arms uncomfortably, "I haven't heard from either of them, so I wouldn't know."

There was a sound that could be placed as a "hmmm" coming from the older woman. "Well, that's a shame. Since you have romantic ties to both, I figured maybe you kept in touch with at _least_ one of them, but I guess not. Maybe we'll ask another one of Duncan's old flames if he's coming. Anyways!" Characteristically so, Joan jumped right back into the interview.

Suddenly, Courtney felt tired. She didn't like the direction of the questions, nor the feelings that came back. She heard Joan re-ask the question of Courtney's status in regards to the reunion, which made the brunette realize Joan caught onto the fact she didn't answer the question.

She laughed breathlessly, "Well, Joan," she began, before shrugging her shoulders. "I'm not too sure if I'll be in attendance yet."

"I'm sure if there's something you don't like while reading it over you can get your lawyers to fix it." Joan laughed loudly, while Courtney was a bit less enthusiastic.

Still, she commented. "Right." A bit too-plainly and offended for Joan to capitalize on.

Behind the woman, Trent was walking in their direction, hopefully to whisk her away to the awards ceremony.

"Anyways, Courtney, it was lovely to see you alive and well and _maybe_ attending the reunion special. You're just as polite as always." Joan began signing off, reaching to feign kiss Courtney's cheek. Once that was done, the young woman smiled back.

She replied, "Joan, it is always a pleasure. Thank you for your time."

As she walked off and away with Trent, she could hear a distant "No, thank _you_."

* * *

The main stage was huge.

Courtney and Trent found their seats, located in the third row. They were in the middle of the row, which Courtney was slightly thankful for, but when she looked ahead and saw how large the stage was, she felt a sense of pride. "Can you believe that you're performing there?" She whispered to Trent, who leaned in to listen. "That's incredible."

He chuckled, seemingly noticing it for the first time. "Yeah, I know right. It's so crazy. One day I'm just a reality television show contestant, the next I'm competing against big-time names for awards."

On the way back from the interview, Country explained to Trent the entire encounter and how uncomfortable she was. In response, he reminded her of some physically painful times in his teenaged year that had the duo laughing right to their seats. The young woman looked around her and for a few moments felt out-of-place. She forgot what this type of elite environment felt like, regardless of the type of entertainment it was. She was almost one-hundred percent positive Shawn Mendes was sitting next to her, and who knows where Drake is at the moment, probably finding his way to the front row.

"Don't worry, the hardest part is over." Trent reminded her, pulling out his phone and scrolling through it.

She sighed and pulled her own cellular device out, receiving text messages from Bridgette, exclaiming in all caps how beautiful she looked on the carpet. She smiled at her phone and texted her back, explaining in short the interview she went through and where they were sitting and to (not) look for her on the TV. While everyone was getting seated, Trent received a lot of acknowledgements from people in the music industry; producers, directors, and other performers sitting in the area shook hands, exchanged numbers, took pictures, and spoke to Courtney's friend. A lot of them nodded in her direction as a greeting, some of them didn't.

A few minutes later, the show begun, and Courtney put her phone away and sat back, ready to enjoy the awards ceremony.

* * *

Watching Trent perform was an experience. The brunette could see specs of Trent's past in his performance; the emotional aspect of his words still existed and felt just as heavy as they did on his album. His voice was low, soulful, leading the audience to silence with the few exceptions singing along. A lot of people had their phones out, recording the performance. Courtney wondered if he was trending for this.

The song he was currently performing was the same title as his album, _Hotel Conversations_. It was also the final track off of his album. The lyrics depict a conversation the singer had with another person, presumably in a hotel room. It wraps the album up in a messy knot, alluding to unfinished business. The lyrics reflected on several aspects of their respective relations with others, reminiscing on more happier moments.

" _And in the wake of all the aspects, I thought I never knew. It's been a, long time coming, and it's leading me straight to you. And I'm sorry if I'm taking all, the time you have left, but it seems I need some help understanding the mess. And these long trains of thought, no, they never seem right. I thought I found the love for me till I brought a knife to a gunfight. You mention how you loved once, and it never went away, well I hope that when tomorrow comes, you'll see a brighter day._ " Trent repeated the chorus, guitar sitting fittingly on his thigh and his eyes closed. It was obvious he could feel the lyrics as he sung.

In the back of her mind, Courtney wondered if this song referenced one of their late-night conversations. Most prominently, she thought about one of her last nights before _World Tour_ , where they stayed up and talked and watched a couple movies. Of course, Trent has a lot of friends, and everyone loves him. So, it could have just as easily be another person during his travels. But, something told the young woman that wasn't the case with this song. It felt nostalgic, looking back at an old conversation that pulled the chains in a certain direction. Whatever it was, it helped Trent move on and come to better understand himself as a lover, but also as a friend.

When he finished the chorus and the song, Courtney knew she was the first to stand up and clap for him. Soon, others stood up around her and clapped, allowing the young adult to receive a standing ovation. He looked around, waving and thanking everyone into the microphone.

Later on, when he won Song of the Year with _Your Soul_ , Courtney stood up with him and they embraced, whispering in each other's ears.

He stood in front of the microphone, holding his award almost-awkwardly. "Uh, hi everyone." He spoke, eliciting laughs from the audience. "Um, wow. This is such an honor. I'm really in shock. There are so many people to thank, from the other artist nominated in the categories, some of them I've looked up to. Everyone in the room and watching right now, my entire team. A lot of this song, and the album, was based on the time I share with a really good friend, one of my closest. We both were on a dumb reality television show together and still talk to this day." Trent chuckled. "There were a lot of people and past relationships influenced throughout this album too, and so I want to thank all of you as well. I wouldn't be here without them. Again, thank you." He waved, before leaving the stage and being cheered and applauded for.

By the time he sat back down Courtney was scrolling through her phone, as the ceremony was taking a break. She turned and looked at him. "Trent, you're amazing."

The young man scratched the back of his hair and laughed.

He really was a selfless person, the Latina thought, as they continued to talk about how his parents would react. Sure, he was flawed and awkward, but he had a good heart. Courtney looked up to Trent, and Bridgette too. How was she able to be friends with two of the most kind-hearted people in the entire series? A thought pushed through her mind believing it to be a hoax and that she didn't deserve these two people, but she was willing to force herself to believe she was worthy of these people because she herself is a good person too, at least now. And, to an extent, she was willing to prove it to everyone.

* * *

Flipping through television channels, fingers harshly pushed the same button almost endlessly, until they finally stopped. A hand tugged through dark, unkempt hair.

On the television, a young woman dressed in olive walked, being followed by the camera. Her hair was glowing, her smile soft and shy; she looked like a real princess. She was being interviewed, a voice filled with anxiety only the viewer picked up on. When she openly admitted her unsureness about the reunion, it struck a chord. The uncomfortable emotions hidden behind beautiful onyx eyes did not go unnoticed.

In some way, this may have been a sign. At first, to fight, but that was learned to increase the opposite effect happening. Later to, _well_ , a thought floated in the mind, _shit_. Opening a laptop, there was clicking and sighing and tight-lips to decrease the emotions felt for the first time in some time, but it wasn't helping. It could be seen all in the eyes, the same way they saw the young woman's on the television.

 _Thank you for confirming you WILL be attending the Total Drama Reunion Special. Please keep posted for more information!_ Read the page, Chris McLean's snobby face smiling wide on it.

Looking at their reflection through the laptop, bright teal eyes stared back, until refocusing on the television, with a newfound interest in the awards ceremony.

* * *

I hope this was somewhat of an enjoyable chapter! Hopefully I can have another chapter out before early January, but I hope this was ok.

I discovered Justin is actually the only confirmed Hawaiian, and therefore, American character in the entire series, which is kind of cool to me. Also, I tried to make the overlapping timelines of The Drama Brothers fit with the story.

As always, please leave a review on how you felt! If not, maybe the follow button is more your style. Regardless, thank you all for reading this, and happy holidays to those who celebrate!


	8. Him (2)

Hi all! I hope you enjoy this chapter!

A reminder: the italic quotes/sentences are past experiences Courtney experienced; they are not exactly flashbacks she is currently remembering at the time. Just wanted to say that because there are a lot of memories in this one.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Total Drama series; I just really enjoy forming he characters to do what I want and how I want.

* * *

Head settled on a toned shoulder, the breeze circling the duo allowed Courtney's hair to flicker and tickle the back of her neck.

" _I love you babe, you know that, right_?" An arm snaked around her neck, pulled her closer.

The sky above the two was a dark navy, almost black splattered paint. The stars were not frozen in the sky; they continued to move with every passing second. The grass was warm underneath them, and the trailers that once hosted the other contestants felt distant.

Courtney wondered about a lot of things at the moment. But, when he spoke, it all seemed to fade away.

She turned and looked at him. He was looking at the sky, eyes half-lidded and clear of anger, frustration. Then, he turned to her, the same look in his eyes.

" _I know. I love you too_." Courtney almost whispered, as if she was afraid others would overhear.

There was a lot to be concerned over. The new season of _Total Drama_ they were roped into doing, their current relationship. Sure, they were back together, but the strings that connected them together had basic, cheap Scotch tape over them. Her mind continued to wander as the newness of everything settled.

And, there was also the imposing threat of another woman. Gwen.

She was irritated. Not at him, but about all the drama that surrounded them. The breakups and the fighting and unleashing all of her lawyers against him for custody over Brittany. She just wanted him to be perfect.

Behind the duo, one of the trailer doors opened, and then closed. " _Is this where you were looking at the stars and wondered if I was looking at them too_?"

" _You saw that_?!"

She began to giggle, and both left the second part of that video clip in their heads. He looked mortified, until he saw the way Courtney was looking at him. Then he calmed down, and chuckled a bit. " _It wasn't here, but I can show you where it was later_."

The couple fell into a period of silence again.

The Latina sighed and kissed her boyfriend's shoulder. " _I'm sorry about everything_."

" _Not your fault, babe_."

He was lying, and they both knew it.

For some reason, Courtney could never stop thinking about him. Even when they were apart, her mind continued to wander towards him. Wondering what he was doing, what he was wearing, _if_ he was wearing anything differently. She hated him; more specifically, she hated what he did to her. There was always a flame that existed between the two. And, as far as Courtney is concerned, it would never go out. Especially not by some weird Goth girl.

* * *

Courtney woke up cold.

She sat up, staring ahead in the barren bedroom.

Unfortunately, there wasn't a physical clock to indicate the time, so, the young woman stood up and moved the curtains out of the way, blinking back at the sudden natural light that illuminated the beige room. Though the physical eye wouldn't have noticed immediately, it seemed the small house plants in the room leaned towards the light. Even Courtney seemed to move towards the light too.

It was raining outside. A steady rain, one that welcomed friends or lovers to stay in, become comfortable on the couch, and watch something together.

The Latina watched the rain for a few moments. Then, she walked back to the bed to grab her phone, and left the bedroom.

* * *

Sitting across from Trent, the two mostly ate their breakfast in silence. There were breaks to ask pleasant conversation, but mostly the sound that filled the dining room were the clashing of utensils on plates. It had been a couple days after the award ceremony, and Trent had been in-and-out of his home since then. He had different photoshoots and interviews and appearances he had to make, especially after winning an award and performing live. The fact he was here eating breakfast right now too meant a couple things. One: he had the morning off. And two: he slept in just as late as Courtney did, because it was already the beginning of the afternoon.

When Trent finally made it to the kitchen for the first time all day, Courtney was placing eggs and pancakes onto a large plate. She made sure to make extra for Trent, though she wasn't sure if he was home or not.

He thanked her and he briefly discussed the increasingly loaded schedule he had for the next few weeks, then the two became silent.

Courtney finished first. She stood at the sink and washed her dishes, including the empty one for the leftover food that no longer existed ( _Trent sure can eat_ , she thought to herself). The young man came up behind her and she took his plate and utensils from him, continuing to wash them as she ignored his annoyance with her cleaning his stuff.

After she finished, the kitchen and dining room were spotless. So, she walked to the living room, where Trent sat on the couch.

The television was on, but Courtney could immediately tell he wasn't watching it.

* * *

" _What's wrong_?" She asked Trent.

Courtney walked into Trent's hotel room since he never acknowledged or replied to the knocks. The teenager walked in to the musician sitting at the front of his bed with the TV on, but his eyes glazed. He was wearing his pajamas, which was a simple pair of black boxers with camo spots decorated on them.

Once the door slammed, he sharply sat up and looked in its direction, seeing the Latina walked towards him from it. " _Huh_?" He asked, seeming falling out of a daydream.

" _You look like you're thinking hard about something_. _What is it_?" Courtney asked, though it sounded more like a demand.

At the lack of a response, she rolled her eyes and stood back up. " _Forget I even asked_. _I'll see you later Trent_."

He watched her storm out of the room, almost angrily, before he depressingly sighed and made the conscious decision to not follow her. Then, he looked back at the TV.

Standing outside with her arms crossed, Courtney stood there for a few more seconds.

She was seething. And, in his own way, she knew Trent was too. All because of that stupid video with their (ex)significant others Geoff and Bridgette decided to play. Courtney never got the chance to ask Bridgette why she allowed her boyfriend to continue on that, but then again, Bridgette barely had time for Courtney nowadays.

The sound of incoming footsteps brought the brunette back to reality. She looked to her right, and at the vision of a dyed unnatural hair color, she began to glare.

" _What do_ you _want_?" Courtney asked, barely hiding her disdain at the girl in front of her.

Rubbing her left arm, Gwen stood across from Courtney, looking anywhere but in her eyes. " _Is Trent here_? _I wanted to talk to him_?"

Courtney took a step to the side, giving Gwen access to knock and enter if she pleased. " _FYI_ , _Trent isn't in the talking mood_."

" _Were you just in there_?" She asked, following Courtney's movements.

" _No, Gwen. I've just standing here for twenty minutes hoping he opens the door for me_." She paused, ending the beginning of her sarcastic rant. Then, she took one last glance at Gwen, before stomping away back to her own hotel room, hands formed into fist at her sides.

The Latina wasn't sure what Gwen and Trent talked about, but the next night Courtney received a text from Trent and they ended up sitting in her hotel room for almost an hour, and he listened to her fill the silence until he was able to form words.

* * *

"What's wrong?" She asked Trent.

He looked up at her, thinking. "I'm not really sure." He began. "My schedule is really crazy right now, but I got a text from Gwen this morning and -"

Courtney blinked, almost as if she didn't hear correctly. Usually, she would immediately reply with a question, but she knew Trent, and so she wanted to stay silent.

" - it really threw me off, y'know, cause we don't talk, so I, yeah." He stopped. Trent looked anxious, his eyes looking around the living room. "I haven't responded to it, but she said she's excited to see me for the reunion and saw you and I together and is wondering if we're a thing? And she wants to get coffee or hangout or something but I'm not sure if I want to do that. I don't think we've talked in almost two years. This is weird." He managed to sputter out like a sink that's barely been in usage.

In all honesty, the first thing Courtney felt was jealousy towards her friend. Though a small inkling of all the emotions running through her system, this particular one sped like a train and left remnants of itself like the dissipating smoke. For awhile, she had wanted someone to text her too, even though she knew she could've done the same action. Yet, something was stopping her. Fear, most likely, and anxiety following, alongside the guilt for the way she acted as a teenager.

There were a few situations in life where Courtney really didn't have an answer. But, in this moment, it didn't seem like her friend was looking for one either.

So, she did something that she was taught to do by someone who, at one point, was special to her. Courtney grabbed Trent's wrist and pulled him to a standing position. Confused, he didn't say anything as the shorter young adult pulled him towards the sliding back doors and, after opening them, did he finally speak.

"Hey, Court, what're we doing out here."

Instead of replying, the brunette released her grasp on Trent, laid her phone on one of the chairs, and walked into the open backyard space where it was raining. She breathed in, then out, then turned to her friend. As her clothes and her hair quickly became soaked in rainwater, Courtney pushed her bangs away from her eyes. And, she smiled at him.

The musician cracked a smile, and Courtney hoped that was a sign his anxiety was faltering and slowly ceasing. In response to her, he took off his shirt and threw his phone on top before running into the rain and meeting Courtney.

Seeing his demeanor change, the young woman started to run around the backyard, tilting her head back and allowing the rain to baptize her and touch her skin everywhere. Her silk pajamas were already sticking to her skin and her hair found itself attached to her neck but she barely cared. In her head, Courtney knew Trent was also running around. And, she could even hear him laughing a bit.

"Courtney!" He called out.

She stopped moving. "Yeah?" She shouted as a response.

"How dumb do you think we look right now?" He asked, breathlessly laughing.

"Very!" Courtney instantly said, before laughing too.

The duo continued to run around in the award-winner's backyard for another few minutes, before finally getting a bit bored, and more importantly tired, and retreating back inside of the home.

* * *

" _Princess_."

" _Criminal_."

She could hear the smile he cracked on his phone. It was how they would greet each other on the phone sometimes, depending on who called who. This time, she had called him.

" _What can I do for you on this lovely Wednesday afternoon_?" He asked, sounding like he had all the time in the world.

Courtney wasn't exactly sure where to start. She felt like she was standing in the middle of a warzone she personally constructed. From her parents to her attorney, she was barely seventeen and the world felt like it was spinning.

" _Helloooo_ , _earth to Princess_." Her boyfriend drawled out.

The female teenager awkwardly coughed. " _Sorry_. _Uhm_ , _I'm just a bit stressed out_ , _that's all_."

There was a delayed response from the male teen. " _What is it_? _It must be bad_ , _especially if you had to call me_."

" _I don't know_. _I'm just feeling really overwhelmed with school_ , _and my parents_ -"

" _Who hate me_."

" _They don't hate you_ , _stop saying that_." Courtney derailed the beginning of her venting by finishing off that slid-in comment by her boyfriend. " _They're just not used to me having a boyfriend_."

There was a hum coming from her boyfriend on the other side of the phone. " _Sure_. _Hey_ , _it's raining over there_ , _right_?"

Courtney turned her head and stood up from her bed, walking towards the window. She moved the curtain and glanced outside. " _Yeah_ , _it's raining here_. _Is it raining at home too_?"

She could imagine him shaking his head yes, and sometimes she forgets how they don't live that far away, only an hour and the half drive.

There was some shuffling on the other side of the phone, before he spoke again. " _Hey_ , _babe_. _Can you do something for me_?"

" _Depends on what you're asking for_." She retorted, trying to think about what inappropriate thing he was about to ask for.

" _Go sit outside in your backyard for me_. _I want to tell you about something I do when I feel_ _anxious_."

* * *

On the couch, Trent and Courtney were respectfully on their sides of the piece of furniture, now comfortable in dry, warm clothes, and watching a movie on the television. The young adults stayed inside only until they were completely bored and finally decided to come inside, leaving a trail of water from the back door all the way up the stairs to each bedroom.

Courtney showered and washed her hair, taking an extended time to stand underneath the warm water and think about how running in the rain erupted a new set of memories she believed were repressed.

And now, nearly a half-hour later, she could barely construct the right sentences to get Trent talking, but then again, she still wasn't sure he wanted to talk. She pulled on her damp hair and tugged her blanket closer to her body. "How are you feeling, Trent?"

"Better, a little bit I guess." The musician chuckled a bit, shifting his position. "I didn't really attack the problem head-on, but running around for a little bit helped me."

At first, Courtney didn't plan on responding, but then she decided to ask, "So, were you just overwhelmed or?" She left the second half of the question up in the air and unfinished.

"I don't know, it's just that I wasn't expecting a text from my ex-girlfriend this morning." Trent rubbed the back of his head. "And it isn't that I miss her or anything, but I guess it would be nice to catch up with her. But I'm nervous about what would happen if I go out with her, and we hangout, and then I start to fall for her again. But every time I think of her I think about how much of a fool I was during _Action_ , and then I think about the breakup and everything that followed it, and it makes me anxious because I don't want to fall in love with someone who I used to love again."

There was a silence afterwards, one that allowed Courtney to sit and think about all the thoughts that consumed Trent. "I know that feeling." She finally spoke in agreement with her friend. "I've had those same thoughts constantly, except there was never a text to look at."

A sigh came from across the couch. "It just sucks. I know Gwen, and she knows me, but as happy as I was with her, I don't think I could ever really be with her again. With my other girlfriends from high school, it wasn't anything special. Just a relationship. But Gwen was different; she wasn't any ordinary girl."

Courtney and Trent were able to come to a middle ground last year about the former contestant Gwen. For a long time, Courtney couldn't stand to think about her. Sometimes, it was because she went behind her back and kissed her now ex-boyfriend on television and made no indication of telling Courtney. Other times, it was because of what had happened during _All Stars_ and how Courtney's need for success led to her demise, once again. But now, Courtney had no opinion of Gwen; well, she had a lot of opinions, but, she didn't hate her anymore. There was no reason to. What she had done during the television show was something probably any teenager would do. They were only seventeen and placed in a situation where anything could've happened.

The way Trent feels about his ex-girlfriend is the way Courtney feels about her ex. He wasn't ordinary, at least he wasn't for her.

"I feel that way about Duncan." Courtney mumbled, looking at the TV. "But I think you should go and meet with her, and at least talk to her. I know there was a struggle during the show to be her friend, and probably a level of awkwardness to it as well. But, maybe it will make you feel better, and close the door on any chance of those thoughts reappearing. There's always something different about your first love that separates them from the rest." She finished off.

The Latina could hear Trent's thoughts moving around in his head. "Maybe you're right," Trent started, "about that. Avoiding the situation doesn't do me any good. It just will make things more awkward down the line, especially when I'm forced to see her again." Suddenly, he chuckles a bit. "Man, it's really nice to have a female friend in these types of situations. Court, I feel like you're my voice of reason."

She cracked a small smile. "More like your devil's advocate. You feel one way, I present you the possible opportunity of what the other side could look like, whether it's good or bad. But, because I'm your friend, most of the time it's going to be good."

"And I am grateful for you. No one else could be that person except for you." Trent finished off the thought, before throwing his blanket away from him and moving across the couch to where Courtney was, and suffocating her in a hug.

There wasn't much she could do to fight him off. If she were to be honest, she didn't really want to fight him off. The embrace was one she desperately needed, one that validated her existence in her friend's life, one that reminded her that she was, at her core, a good person.

* * *

Sitting on the plane, Courtney thought about Gwen again. For a moment, she wondered how she was doing.

Glancing out of the window to her right, the weather was still gloomy from the day before. Clouds stuck to the sky and their gray, depressing bodies moved as one, hiding the sunlight from everyone. When she was first coming here to see her friend for the first time in awhile, she felt as if she could relate to the cloudy; there were several ways she compared herself to the sky. Now, she looks at the sky without any comparison.

The young adult wondered if she and the teal-haired woman could ever be friends again. Courtney's feelings towards her were mixed; sometimes, she felt guilty, but other times she was reminded that they would have never had an issue had she not secretly kissed her boyfriend. At the same time, Courtney pondered, she was already apprehensive of the friendship with Gwen due to the events that occurred during _Action_ , so the relationship between the two was already built on distrust. That, alongside Courtney's growing friendship with Trent, and it was a friendship created to fall apart. Their no-tolerance approach was one of the many things that brought the two girls together originally. And even after the friendship ended, in a similar fashion to how most of Courtney's relationships dissolve, when Courtney acted skeptical or distrustful, she would think of the goth girl.

As the plane took off, Courtney continued on the train of thought. The person from Gwen to their shared ex-boyfriend. A couple months ago, when the young woman would lay on her bed and reflect on everything she had previously said or enacted on, she would also think about how much her ex-boyfriend affected her. Even now, till this very day and in this moment, the influence he had on her is still subtly present. It is seen in her movement, it's in the way she walks, thinks, replies. How she destresses, how she struggles to understand the other side of every situation.

Her greediness, her cockiness were at an all-time-high when the two of them were together. They were royalty. She was a princess, she was _his_ princess. When she has the ability to look at herself in the mirror, her eyes take a second glance at all of the spots where he would use to leave hickeys, where he would leave kisses, where he would constantly remind her that she was his, and he was hers. But, as time went on something was off and sooner than not he was no longer there. Courtney isn't sure when it happened or when it started, but, at the end of the day, she lost pieces of him until he was completely gone.

Though she still sometimes blames Gwen for the start of her life spiraling out of control and her depressive symptoms beginning, she could not completely place the blame on the other woman. Courtney was not the perfect girlfriend; if anything, she was toxic at moments. The contract she forced him to read, the jealously and distrust, it wasn't pretty during their relationship. But, he wasn't perfect either.

They weren't Geoff and Bridgette. They weren't the perfect couple, they never were. But, in a strange way, they were perfect for each other. And that's probably the hardest part of moving on from a first love.

* * *

When Courtney woke up, they were only a few minutes from landing back home and the girl remembered she was scheduled to work the following day. Instead of thinking about that, she decided to think about seeing Bridgette again. The blonde-haired woman had constantly texted Courtney throughout the time she was away, asking tons of questions and keeping her up-to-date on any wedding decisions she and her fiancé had made, which were not many. Bridgette also bought groceries and cleaned her apartment a bit more before leaving and returning back to her home.

The two girls were texting throughout Courtney's mini getaway, finally fully catching up on all the unimportant details of each other's lives. Courtney told her friend all about her job and how boring it was being a barista and how her co-workers were too preppy for her liking sometimes but they were decent enough. Her life after the show was mundane, and she put effort in to keep it that way.

The brunette thought back to her best friend's comment about Courtney's actions brought this upon herself. In no way was she wrong, but, it still hurt to acknowledge the truth. She was a dumb teenager who pretended to be mature for the camera when, in reality, she was one of the least mature people on the show. Flaunting past experiences and thoughtless arrogance were the continuous downfalls of her personality and the proof was during almost all of her eliminations (the only exception, one she could not blame herself for, was her first ever one in _Total Drama Island_ , where her elimination was a personal vendetta against her boyfriend at the time). In the present time, Courtney was afraid of getting involved outside of her job due to the stigma that surrounds her (one she created herself).

The beeping from the plane brought Courtney back to her current surroundings. Once she watched the people in front of her get up and walk off the plane, she followed their movements and brought her sunglasses down onto her face and scurried off the plane with a quick smile to the flight attendants and the pilots.

Walking through the airport, the brunette kept her head down and pulled her hair away from her face and into a bun. Not only from past experiences, but specifically from when she went to go meet Trent and his bodyguards a few days ago. Being bombarded by paparazzi was rarely on the top of Courtney's to-do list. Especially recently with her re-engagement to social media and being in the public's eye again, the brunette felt like a deer in headlights (as cliché as it sounds). And, as exciting as the award's show was, it drained the woman and significantly lowered her social meter to a point where staying in her apartment for the next month sounded like the best thing in the world.

Also, Trent had her returning flight placed at the closest airport to her home to avoid some of the onlookers, but Courtney wanted to still look inconspicuous. The media makes Courtney anxious, especially since her lack of involvement with it more recently than not. They were always particularly crueler to the woman, especially if she was a contestant and recently eliminated. She wasn't sure if they knew she could handle the heat of their questions of if they enjoyed her exaggerated responses for their ratings. So, she stayed quiet, low, and rushed out of the airport with little conversation with people.

* * *

When the young adult walked into her apartment, it looked nearly the same as she left it. Yet, somehow, it felt different. She wasn't sure if it was because she disappeared from the place for nearly the week or Bridgette did something to change the energy of the apartment, but Courtney didn't feel as held down as she used to.

 _It's pretty dark in here_ the adult thought to herself as she continued investigating her apartment. She opened the fridge to find a fridge ful of vegetables, proteins, fruits, and anything else to help Courtney establish healthy eating habits. The artificial light illuminating Courtney's face was the only lighting in the apartment at the time, and when she closed the door, the place fell into an uncomfortable silence. There were little ways to light the apartment outside of the basic switches provided by the leasing apartment, which made Courtney think about buying some new, aesthetically pleasing lamps or buying Christmas lights and hanging them around the living room.

Her bedroom was reorganized.

Well, Courtney realized, it was completely clean. Bridgette must've had a vacuum or something.

Walking to her closet, the clothes were properly hung up (color-coordinated) and her pants were neatly folded by jeans and by khakis. The banal wardrobe was just another reminder to the brunette she needed to buy more clothes, now more than ever. She stepped away from the closet and saw Bridgette even bought a new mirror and the pieces from the old one were gone.

Slowly, she walked towards it, not looking herself but at everything else about herself.

* * *

Courtney was standing in front of a mirror in a dressing room, trying on different dresses for an upcoming event.

" _C'mon babe, let me see_." A voice called out from behind it, obviously impatient.

The teenager smiled and turned around, spinning in the dressing room and looking at herself another time before opening the door to her mohawked boyfriend.

She did a couple poses for him, holding her hair up and moving to her side. " _How do I look_?"

When she looked at him, he was staring right at her chest, without evening making an attempt to hide it. " _Duncan_!" Courtney crossed her arms, glaring at her boyfriend.

" _Sorry Princess_ , _I can't help it_. _You look so good in that dress_ , _just like all the other_ _ones_." Sharp blue eyes moved up towards hers, before taking a step closer and removing her folded arms and holding her hands.

The girl rolled her eyes, a non-venomous smile appearing on her face. She pulled her boyfriend closer to her, and he immediately wrapped his arms around her waist.

They moved closer to each other outside of the dressing room, as if no one was standing around them.

" _Can I tell you something_?" Duncan asked. He voice dropped a bit to the point where it was almost a whisper.

Courtney tilted her head and looked at him, raising an eyebrow. " _What_?" She whispered back.

Even now, after dating for so long, the brunette still wasn't used to the few moments where her boyfriend was more serious in the tone of his voice or decided to randomly do strong gestures in public to showcase his feelings. Most of the time, she would stop public displays of affection due to embarrassment of others watching. Every once and awhile, though, she would initiate them or let the rare ones slide.

He somehow got her to calm down a lot more than what was shown on TV. When it was just the two of them, there was no one around them that could disrupt the paradise they created in their heads. Courtney and Duncan were connected like that. Not that they shared on brain, but they were on the same wavelength, even if he was on one end and she was on the other side. Their differences were more like subjective perspectives that ultimately were more similar than they realized. They were each other's ride or die. And even as confident and independent as Courtney was, sometimes having someone just as hardheaded as herself on her side made her feel a little bit better.

So, as Courtney waited for her boyfriend to reveal whatever he was waiting to say, she thought about what their future looked like, especially with the incoming season of _Total Drama_ quickly approaching. As much as she loved her best friend, Bridgette, she was envious of her loving relationship with Geoff. They had such a close, trusting bond that was so different than Courtney and Duncan's. The blondes were water, and the other former members of the Killer Bass were fire. A fire Courtney hoped would never go out.

He moved away from her slightly, just to press his lips to her mouth, and then kiss the top of her forehead. " _Can you get out of the dress and pick one so we can go home_?"

In response, the brunette rolled her eyes and walked back into the dressing room, closing the door and beginning to take the dress off, a big smile stuck on her face. Duncan was not a man of words; as matter of fact, he rarely spoke endearing words and would rather choose to act upon his feelings with hopes they would come across the way they were supposed to. Courtney knew that very well. From the moment she was eliminated and he carved the wooden skull for her, up until even now in this random department store. Throwing her clothes on rapidly, the teenager clipped her shoes on and grabbed all of the dresses, thinking about what the two will later tonight.

" _Are you going to put those back_ , _like a Princess_ would?" Duncan was able to get out, before being dragged out of the store by his girlfriend, who just threw the dresses on a random rack.

She turned her head to him and began holding his hand. " _I could've_. _I should've_. _But I won't_. _Let's go home_."

Starting to catch up to her walking, Duncan began holding her hand too, and squeezed it just a little bit.

* * *

Finally, Courtney looked up and found her eyes in the new, full-body mirror. She stared at herself some more, before breathing in deeply and beginning to smile.

It was hard, but then, when she began to think about the past week with her friends (the few she had), she couldn't help but expand her smile to a more genuine one. The effort that Bridgette and Trent put into making sure she would be able to be OK allowed her to be grateful. And, the amount of trust they put into her to get herself together and begin showcasing the Courtney she had been so desperately trying to find was immense. There was no way she couldn't smile. And, ultimately, when she thought about some of the fonder memories with her ex-boyfriend, tears gripped the sides of her eyes and nearly fell out. But, she was still smiling, a real, genuine, smile.

* * *

And that's it! Hopefully this was an enjoyable chapter. If you liked it, feel free to leave a comment! If not, maybe the follow button is more your style. Definitely let me know what you liked or disliked though!

I listened to a lot of No Rome this time around, and did some more TDI research/reading to make sure I was getting my timelines correct. Watched the entire duncney story on YouTube and read all of your past reviews and got motivated, so this is all because of you guys!

Until next time. Thank you again for reading!


	9. Eventually

hi all! I hope you enjoy this next installment! and shoutout to everyone that has begun following this story over the summer, there have been a good amount, so thank you :)

* * *

Courtney was sitting on her couch, staring at the television in front of her.

Originally, her eyes were glued to the laptop in front of her. Since Bridgette's departure, Courtney started keeping a do-to list for each following day in order to keep herself active. That included when to take a shower, what she should make for dinner, and even what times she wasn't available because of her job. Currently, she was in the process of paying her monthly rent and utility bills, which were important things and had high priority in her head.

It's been eleven days since she returned from her short getaway (could she even call it that?) and settled into a more comfortable and focused routine. When she returned to work the following days, all her co-workers bombarded her about the fact she was on their television the previous Sunday evening with " _an AWARD winner_ , _Courtney_! _Trent Rivers_!", many of the responses she waved away. Even her manager was impressed, though the older man did not watch any awards ceremony outside of the ones that celebrated movies and country music.

Every couple of hours or so, if she was the cashier or calling out the names of people's orders, a customer would come up and ask her if she was indeed, Courtney Otero. Most of the time she would decline to answer, pretend she didn't hear them, or say no. The few exceptions are typically with children; they were so wide-eyed and cute it was hard for Courtney to lie to them. Plus, they would be too young to have seen her performance on the _Total Drama_ series, so they would only remember her as the girl Trent took to the awards. And, lying was hard when her nametag had her name on it.

Luckily, the kids would comment on how pretty she looked on TV and would ask her to say hi to Trent for them, which she would always promise to do so by taking her phone out and texting Trent. Their parents would always look skeptical of the Latina until they looked up Trent and his red carpet appearance, where she accompanied him. After initial shock, the parent would insert themselves into the conversation and ask Courtney questions about why she was a barista and not living in a mansion, or say nothing and look at her.

When those events happened, the young woman would try to make sure no one snuck a picture of her while she was working and reveal to the world where she was currently and what she was doing with her declining life. She always would feel particularly anxious, but would never check social media to see if it did get revealed.

Some of her co-workers suggested they print a picture of Courtney outside for advertising reasons and to make more money. The woman quickly shut it down, and, luckily, she had her manager on her side. Something about soliciting and not having a contract for that. That would be a worse-case scenario.

Anyways, outside of the sporadic Canadians talking to Courtney about her time in Vancouver, her life had more of an upbeat normal tone to it.

The young adult had the celebrity gossip channel on, not paying much attention to it and the volume placed on low. She had intentions of watching some of the information later on after she finished paying her bills, but something had caught her attention.

A lot of the gossip-y based channels began having television-based segments, where they would specifically focus on what some of the actors and reality television stars from different shows were doing. It seemed like it was getting more and more attention in the country, and Courtney wondered beforehand if that was because of the way TV in America was moving or something else.

" _So_ , _lots to talk about in the reality television world_!" One of the host, a brunette-haired guy named Adam, commented. He has a big smile on his face as he stares into the camera, a bit too creepy for Courtney's liking.

Sitting next to him is a blonde woman who looks awfully like Blaineley. " _Adam and Blaze checking in_ ," she spoke, a deep voice like the woman too, " _with our TV stars segment_! _What should we start with Adam_?"

The two began talking about other stars, which took nearly five minutes. Courtney was almost finished paying her internet bill when she heard, " _And_ , _let's close out with some new_ Total Drama _information_!" Blaze smiled at the camera, a smug expression like she was staring at Courtney and knew she watching.

" _A little birdie told me someone recently said they were going to the highly anticipated_ reunion." Adam held his head in his hand, elbow placed on the table in front of the two host.

Blaze turned and looked at Adam. " _That little birdie would be correct_! _According to our sources, Duncan Wilde accepted his invitation to go to the series reunion last week_. _Which shocked a lot of people, since not many know what the international bad-boy has been up to since the end of_ All-Stars! _That only leaves two more ex-contestants to accept or decline their offer_. _And, just some speculation_ ; _apparently the same night as the Canadian Music Awards_ , _Duncan accepted his offer_. _And we all know who was the featured story of the awards_ show. _Wink wink_."

The television than began to play a montage of the ex-boyfriend while he was on the series, enlisting pictures with his ex-girlfriends and friends.

" _Justin Mahone is one of them_." Adam speaks, and the montage is over. The male brunette is now holding an autographed picture of Justin, who is shirtless and posing in the picture. " _As many of us know_ , _Justin is in Europe continuing his modeling career and will most likely not be attending the reunion considering he is a busy, busy bee_. _One of the hottest antagonist of the series for sure_. _We'll miss you Justin_!"

Blaze turns to look at the camera and picks up the conversation. " _More importantly_ , _that leaves just one ex-contestant left to accept or decline their attendance to the broadcasted reunion special_. _Former_ fan-favorite, _Courtney Otero_! _We know you're watching Courtney_ , _and we just want to say we hope you do decide to attend the reunion_."

" _The brunette had heads turning last week when she accompanied friend and also former-contestant_ Trent Rivers _to the Canadian Music Awards_ , _her first official reappearance in the media's eye in over a_ year! _Just before that_ , _she was seen with Bridgette Harrington at a local diner_ , _chatting it up with the blonde beauty_."

Blaze took the conversation back, " _I feel like no one is talking enough about_ why, _of all people_ , _Trent chose Courtney to take_. _Were they even friends on the show_? _If so_ , _why has it never been brought up by either party_? _Did their alleged friendship begin during or after the show_!? _That's what I want to know_."

Pictures of Courtney appeared on the television, from the blurry ones with Bridgette to her posing with Trent. Then, finally, one appeared on the television of the female brunette standing on a corner in the city, about two blocks from her job. She was wearing pale pink lace-less shoes with jeans and a gray t-shirt. Her hair was pulled into a ponytail and her headphones were in, indicating she couldn't hear around her. Finally, she had a black tote bag hanging on her shoulder. " _More recently_ , _paparazzi caught the gorgeous_ , _yet irritating ex-contestant on a walk in Montreal_ , _on her way back to her apartment_." Blaze continued to talk.

Courtney sat on her couch, frozen. She didn't even think they would find her and feel obligated to take pictures of her. A familiar feeling of disgust swelled in her stomach, one she hasn't felt from the media in some time. She wore that outfit two days ago, and she was on her way home.

" _At least we know she's alive now_!" Adam commented dreamingly.

Once snapped out of his daze, Adam and Blaze continued a familiar conversation Courtney was used to. This was the one where they reminisced on the female brunette's journey throughout her appearances on the reality show, placing their own personal opinions at certain points.

So, the brunette tuned the two out and clicked on her laptop some, before logging into a familiar social media platform. When she logged in, on the left she could see the trending topics or names. The last time she used her account was right before _All Stars_ , where she posted a couple of times before ultimately leaving it behind. But, she wanted to see something. And, her thoughts were correct. One of the top trending topics was _Duncan_ and another one was _TotalDramaReunion_. Courtney clicked on the name of her former boyfriend and read through some of the post. She knew this wasn't healthy, but she just wanted to read.

The posts varied in word usage but all exaggerated the same excitement of the former-bad boy attending the reunion. Some of them mentioned Courtney, hoping she would return or that she and Duncan would get back together if she attends the reunion. Others wanted the teal-eyed adult and Gwen to rekindle their romance; most of the post seemed split.

There were also some who hoped the best for Courtney and commented how good she looked. There were thousands of post about the young adult, Courtney realized, once she searched her own name on the platform. Polls about if she was going to make an appearance, posts about if her character has changed, and more.

Sometimes she forgot how strange it was for others to create their own beliefs and thoughts on the contestants, as if they weren't real. When it all first started, _Total Drama_ was huge in Canada. And, it became so popular the show got wind in other huge countries like the United States and Great Britain. An (originally) family-fun reality show starring teenageres was new, it was chic, and most importantly (at least, to the host of the show) it was a trendsetter. There were so many attempted duplicates after the few couple of seasons that it was hard to keep up, but most of them didn't make it past the first couple episodes of filming. There truly was nothing like Total Drama, unfortunately. Because if there was, people would be able to forget about Courtney and the rest of the contestants.

Sometimes Courtney wondered where she would be had she never applied for the reality show and continued her life on the original track she was meant to do. More than likely, she would be a college graduate and in law school somewhere, hopefully at an Ivy League in the States like Yale or Princeton. The way Courtney acted before the reality show, she would probably still not have that many friends, but wouldn't be working at a coffee shop. She may even have a lawyer-to-be boyfriend, who shares all of her similar interests and loves the things about her others tend not to like. They'd spend nights together studying, working, having several date nights, and probably sitting on Courtney's couch watching shows like Total Drama just to laugh at all of their antics and make logical decisions on what they would do if placed in the same boat. It would be a happy, plain, and comfortable lifestyle.

Yet, the more Courtney thought about it, the more she realized that wasn't what she wanted. It all seemed so appropriate in the grand scheme of how her life was meant to go. She was supposed to be top of her class, go to a good college, go to law school, and become a lawyer. It was something she even boasted about during her time on the show; fortunately, she still hosted the qualities to be decent at that job. But, there was something off about the fantasy. It seemed too perfect, too fitting, just a bit overzealous. As she sat here on her couch in her apartment, it didn't feel fitting for the brunette. It felt like it was going towards a way it wasn't meant to go.

As a child, Courtney was raised to believe that at this point in her life she should either be in law school or have a stable careeer and be in a pleasant relationship with someone. Not once did she come to assume maybe that wasn't supposed to go the way she envisioned. The Latina had a control issue, one hard to knock. It still existed in the way she completed certain tasks, if she completed them. Which she was getting better at, with some newer inspiration from her friends. The issue may be one at the core of what makes Courtney, Courtney. It was evident throughout the series and in her interactions with those around her, especially with her first ex-boyfriend. She got a bit of a handle on it later on in the series and by the most recent season, it was capped (for the most part).

Her control issues are one she has yet to directly face. Instead, it is something she has avoided for the time being, by isolating herself from things that would require a bit more of her attention. The young woman should probably read a book or watch a docu-series on controlling an environment and how to diminish those automatic thoughts and movements.

Courtney wanted to be successful. Well, everyone wants to be successful. Courtney believes, at this moment, she wants to find peace within herself and from others. For one, knowing the guilt would settle away and pass by once she receives verbal acceptance from her peers would do wonders to her mental health. She's spent so many months losing sleep over the stagnant assumptions people have of her and the actions she's committed to continue those assumptions. And, she would finally have an opportunity to restructure the bridges she burned around her. Living on an isolated island can get lonely.

The only problem with finding peace was it meant Courtney had to attend the reunion special. There really was no other option. The summer was itching closer to July and the deadline for RSVPing was getting closer and closer. A couple weeks ago the young woman was unaware the reunion was happening. Then she made it extremely clear she was not attending. And now, here she was, sitting on her couch creating reasons to go.

But, she was afraid. It was one of the plaguing moods existing. Besides all of the cameras on her, she would have to be face-to-face with so many of the people who learned to hate her. The thoughts of what people on social media and gossip-y television shows would say gave her anxiety, and it was far from going away. So, instead of RSVPing to the reunion show, an action she still wasn't completely sold on (as much as the idea goes back and forth in her head), she finished paying her bills and changed the channel to an afternoon talk show.

* * *

Humming a song to herself, Courtney was fishing through the racks of clothes, trying to find a decent set of clothes to purchase to improve her choices of clothing. Headphones in and sunglasses on, the young adult was listening to a recent playlist she had created based off of the music played at the coffee shop and the related songs to those.

" _Nothing's sweet about my misery_ , _I finally sound what went wrong..."_ She sang, barely above a whisper. Picking up a few shirts, the brunette hung them over her left arm, which was already congested with other shorts and pants. Content with the options, she walked to the cash register and stood in line, waiting to pay for her new clothes.

Though a lot of the clothes were basics, it had been awhile since Courtney bought something for herself. There was a bit of giddiness about the idea of buying things, whether it was clothes or a new pair of shoes. Retail therapy was a familiar sensation Courtney used to indulge in in-between filming of _Total Drama_. Sometimes she would do it with Bridgette, and at times she was able to drag her first ex-boyfriend from the series too. Most importantly, Courtney enjoyed being alone and being left alone to her thoughts and her opinions.

Casually standing in line, the young woman stood a few people away from the only cashier working in the boutique. A thicker selection of clothes were draped across her left arm as her right hand fiddled with her hair. She thought about how she should get it trimmed soon, considering its increased length in the past year. Not a complete haircut to where it was usually laying on her shoulders, though; Courtney actually enjoyed her hair a bit longer than how it was during the filming seasons.

Twiddling her fingers on different strands of hair, the young adult was caught off guard by the consistent buzzing coming from her purse. Using her left hand, she zipped open her large beige accessory and dug inside of it for her phone, pushing things out of the way before her fingers loosely grasped onto it and slide her thumb across the screen to accept the call, expecting it to be a telemarketer.

"Hello?" She greeted, sounding disinterested as she took a step forward in line. Her arm started to feel tired from staying in an uncomfortable position with the clothes draped over it.

The voice on the other side was not an automated telemarketer. For one, it was much more excited, feigning emotion. " _Courtney Otero! Long time no chit chat, how's it hanging_?"

There was a moment of silence. "Chris?" Courtney asked to herself, almost disbelieving the voice speaking to her. Then, she removed the phone from her ear, and it held it out so she could read the number. She hung up, before blinking and shaking her head, seeming to get out of a nightmare.

It only took about thirty seconds before her phone began to buzz again. This time, she contemplated answering the call, now knowing who it was from. She waited until the last buzz before answering it. "Hello." She sounded a bit more confident as she stepped forward in line, recognizing she was next to be rung up.

" _Court_! _There you are_ , _I think we lost connection_!" Yep, it really was him.

"I hung up on you." Courtney replied, anxiety rising, but making sure to hide any indication she was afraid of what he had to say to her. Whatever it was, it must be important, or else he would not go out of his way to call the adult from his personal cell.

The snarky laugh that erupted from the other side of the phone was all-to-familiar. " _That doesn't surprise me at all_. _Anyways_ , _how ya been_? _We haven't chatted in so long_!"

The woman sighed. " _I've been fine Chris_. _What do you want_? _You wouldn't call me if you didn't have a legitimate reason to_."

Courtney smiled at the cashier, who smiled back with her braces showing. "How are you today, Miss?" She asked, moppy red hair pulled back by bobby pins.

"Fine, thank you." Courtney responded, placing all her clothes onto the table top.

" _I need you at the reunion_ , _Courtney_."

"No." Courtney put her free hand on her hip.

On the other side of the phone, Chris groaned. " _C'mon Courtneeeey_ , _pleaaase_." He overenunciated her name.

As the young cashier was ringing up all of her clothes, Courtney rolled her eyes. "Chris McLean, I will not participate in the reunion. I don't _want_ to be a part of it. What do I have to gain from it?"

Momentarily, the cashier stopped and stared at Courtney in awe, seeming to recognize who she was exactly. Slowly, she continued to fold and place her clothes into bags, touching each garment like it belonged to royalty.

" _I dunno_ , _but you'd bring in a ton of ratings for it_ , _you've always been a fan favorite_."

This was the first challenge Courtney really had to deal it in the past month. She pondered that over as Chris continued speaking about all the personal gain he would achieve from her appearance on the televised reunion. McLean was always an unbearable character, from the first time she waved at him all the way until their final conversations during _All Stars_. "Goodbye, Chris. Thanks for the call."

" _Wait_ , _wait_ , _wait_!" He vocalized. " _Other people want to see you_ too!"

"Like who?" Courtney questioned, a bit of disbelief hard to hide behind her tone as she put her card into the reader and waited for the instructions. She smiled apologetically to the cashier, and mouthed out the words ' _Sorry_ ' to her as well, before tuning back into the phone conversation.

There was a pause. " _Well_ ," Chris began, " _Trent already made it clear he would not appear if you weren't there in his concerns section_. _Obviously Bridgette and Geoff want you there_ , _and DJ too_. _Owen and Cody weren't totally against you being there_ -"

"And how do you even know this?" The young adult removed her card and received the bags from the cashier, whispering a quick _thank you_ before walking out of the store.

The teenaged girl, still stunned by the interaction, quickly pulled out her phone and took a few quick pictures before taking in the next customer.

* * *

" _Shush_! _Let me finish_." He muttered.

Courtney walked out of the store and onto the bustling street. Downtown was starting to become a bit busier with the afternoon air picking up and rush hour appearing closer and closer. She chose to stay silent instead of fighting against the former host.

" _As I was saying_ ," Chris continued his original thought, " _We gave everyone who accepted the invitation a poll to see how they felt about seeing other former contestants_. _It helps with who we want to stay in the same hotel room, who gets interviewed together, and other stuff too_. _Surprisingly to both you and me, no one hated the thought of seeing you. Most were indifferent or actually wanted to see you_."

That was shocking to Courtney, though she wouldn't say it aloud. " _Knowing you,_ " Chris continued, " _You probably think I'm lying. Hahaha, as if I want to. Because I really want to_ , _but I'm not_."

In all reality, Courtney _did_ think he was lying. There were about ten reasons why he was she could list off the top of her head, the first being sadistic and money-hungry Chris needs ratings for the reunion to help re-establish himself in the career. He could be completely lying right now, and nearly everyone placed how they didn't want or need to see Courtney for their own personal reasons that resulted from the series. It would make sense, her _wiki_ page list over twenty enemies she has from the show (at least, it did the last time she checked). Her only friend is Bridgette. And, for awhile, that was her only friend. Trent was more of a situational companion for a good chunk of time, before they finally solidified their friendship. By association, Geoff is a friend, and DJ as well.

At the same time, though, there was a plaguing thought that maybe Chris was telling the truth. Maybe everyone else, like her, grew up and saw their mistakes and are willing to grow up and move on and make an amend or two along the way. Is that why LeShawna did so many appearances on talk shows? Is that why it's so hard to get statements from Heather when she makes an appearance in the media's light? Maybe everyone was dealing with the weight of their own mistakes in their own personal way, and for Courtney, it was to think in seclusion.

" _I'm not sure if this is surprising to you or not_ , _but even Duncan said he wanted to see you_."

And there it was, the final straw that broke the camel's back. "Can I call you back later, or you call me tomorrow or something." Courtney desperately needed to get back to her apartment all of the sudden.

She knew Chris knew. He had been around the group long enough to get to know their behaviors. Not because he wanted to out of the good of his heart, but to use them against the teens when they were contestants. " _I'm calling you at 9_ tonight, _and I better have an answer to if you're coming or not Court. Seriously, dudette, the world doesn't revolve around you. It revolves around me. Later._ " And like that, he had hung up.

People walked around Courtney and her bags as she stood on the corner of a street as the light changed colors from yellow to red. Staring at her phone, she knew Chris would call her at exactly nine too; he wasn't kidding, and Courtney shouldn't take it lightly. She had a few hours to make a final decision she was still teetering on.

* * *

In her apartment, Courtney threw her bags onto the couch and fell back into it next to her bags, making sure to not fall on top of them. Thinking back to her conversation with Chris, she ran the names listed over and over in her head about the people who didn't have a problem seeing her. This excluded Bridgette and Trent, considering they were her only friends. Geoff was also excluded from the list, considering he would do anything for Bridgette and deal with anything she dealt with, including the strange friendship that bloomed between the two former _Killer Bass_ girls. Nearly everyone in that friend group who was a member of _Bass_ was excluded, especially DJ. He was just too nice to Courtney and she could never dislike him. Nor did she ever stay mad at him for longer than a few minutes.

That left the final few former contestants Chris listed. Owen never really ever hated anyone outside of Heather, as far as Courtney was concerned. Sure, they had a bit of a falling out during _Action_ , but they were never really friends to being with. More friend _ly_ than anything. Their interactions were mostly neutral and forgettable. Owen always had a way of seeing the positive in everyone, even pessimistic, sarcastic Noah. Wow, that was a name Courtney hadn't thought about in awhile.

Speaking of, that led to Cody. Cody and Courtney didn't really get along towards the end of _World Tour_ , but in her defense, Courtney wasn't getting along with most people during that stretch of time. She vaguely remembers calling him weak at some point towards the end of the season, but he was braver than she was for defending the girl that made his heart flutter. Outside of those few weeks, the two were fine, getting challenges done and staying away from the elimination ceremonies, which was always a win in Courtney's book. It's why she's in the place she's currently in.

That leaves the final name listed. Naturally, knowing Chris, he saved Duncan for last.

The Latina stared at her ceiling and considered standing up and turning her air conditioner on, but made no attempt to move or to turn a light on. She needed to make dinner, put her clothes away, do anything to take her mind off of the questions she knew she would ask herself if given too much time to herself.

 _Duncan said he wanted to see me_? She thought, then blinked, not knowing if she said that aloud or not. Regardless, she sighed, feeling a bit foolish for her thoughts. It made her heart race uncomfortably, in an unsettling and indescribable way. It was a bit nerve-wracking. The last time she and Duncan spoke, it wasn't the best conversation, nor did it help confirm or deny the questions floating in Courtney's mind. This sucked.

She wondered why he would want to see her. Maybe to even the score, to show how much better he was doing than her, or even worse, to talk. Courtney was not sure if she was ready to do that, especially with Duncan. Everyone else was fair game, those were easy. Most of the young adult's relationships lacked the emotion that would have made her and literally any other contestant friends, and it was well known. She kept her emotions expressing compassion in check, and rather focused on encouraging emotions - expressing frustration, the importance of duties to be completed, and her competitive nature. Duncan was different though.

Luckily, Courtney didn't have to go through this pain with Bridgette or Trent, since they were always her friends. A one and done deal, in theory. But, the issue was in order for Courtney to do anything, she needed to attend the reunion. This felt extremely full circle, considering she was having similar thoughts earlier in the morning when she was watching television.

It was weird though. As nervous as she was, knowing Duncan was going and said (at least, as long as Chris was telling the truth) or at least clicked he _didn't_ hate Courtney and _wanted_ to see her (for whatever reason - Courtney had a few) made her feel a bit better. As nervous as she was, and as much as she didn't want to accept it, she may be a _little_ excited.

Fuck.

* * *

Clothes now put away, Courtney felt more calm in the apartment. The lights were on, the living room was cool with the air conditioner working, and dinner was sitting on the counter. As basic as spaghetti is, it worked for the young adult. The television was on, showcasing some mid-2000's romcom Courtney was familiar with.

The woman showered, cleaned her hair, and pulled out her clothes for the following day. Which was essentially her uniform.

Courtney held her phone, and it lit up with the time reading _8:45_ PM. She sighed, and put it down, before picking it back up and sliding her fingers across the screen some more.

" _I figured you would call me before I could call you_. _Very on-brand_." Chris's voice rang in the apartment.

God, she hated him. "I'll do it, Chris." She sighed into the speaker part of the phone, automatically feeling regret.

Her regret rose immediately as soon as she heard that familiar cackle. " _That's what I like to hear_. _Let me send you alllllll the details_. _I promise you_ , _Court_ , _you won't regret this_."

She hummed in response, "I better not McLean."

" _Yeah_ , _and you better not get any lawyers on me_ , _because I have the best contract with nooooo issues in it_."

As he continued to spoke, she stared at her TV, knowing that sooner or later she would be the breaking news on the tabloids. Chris couldn't keep his mouth shut for anything. Courtney desperately hoped this was going to help her, because if it didn't, she wasn't sure what she was going to do.

* * *

okaaaaaay, here we go folks! she's finally on board, thanks to a catalyst (Chris). I hope the reunion goes well for her!

If you have any feelings or want to tell me how I'm doing, feel free to comment on the story! If maybe the follow/favorite button is more your style, that works too! I just want to thank you all for coming on this journey with me. A lot of lead up, but we are finally getting to the big ol' event. Next chapter will be the last one before the reunion, so expect to see all (minus Justin) back together one final time (yes, including Duncan!)!

Thanks again for reading!


End file.
